Came home late To postpone the hate To forget the wars That is behind closed doors. To forget the hurt To forget the pain But it doesn’t matter   I got it all the same The door has closed in the night And the feelings  gave me a fright For he kicked me in the head Told me he would make me dead Yelling kicking screaming Saying why is I so late “your grounded get to your room. Picked myself up from the floor And wiped my bleeding lip Held my hands on my side Another broken rib Stumbled on the stairs It hurts and I am numb Closed the door in my room And reached for the gun BANG ! I took my life I am not prisoner her now As my soul floats to heaven I am finally free now

Sleepless nights
Held myself tight
All alone
I’m on my own
Tell me you love me
Tears down my face
Throwing myself all over the place
Filled with anger filled with hate
Why did I leave my heart to break?
You knew what you were doing
You never ever cared
I’m stone cold sober
Disaster in the air
No more love
No more tears
No more phone calls
No more fears
No more kisses
No more hugs
Because my heart no longer bleeds for you
It will never bleed for anyone else sigh  
Heart breaks happen to everyone but remember there is always light at the tunnel

Tell my why we depend on the word ''sorry''
To recover broken bonds and heal lost glory ?

But i'm here to tell you its just a word
It does not change anything to the person hurt
''sorry'' does not bring the people back berried in the dirt
or the people from suicide ...hidden cuts under long sleeved shirts
I'm here to tell you its not the way... to be truly sorry it would not have happened in the first place.
but yet that is what us humans say
the easy way out is the path we all take
to get away from tough breaks  and big shakes
cowards is the word i lay ... and its safe to say that is the title on your cage
full of rage ?  but you think you can turn the page start again ?

only one life one chance
one start one stop
one leave one drop
one live one die
you fall no way to re-try
and no even sorry can take it back
bring back
or forgive in !
now go get a life
an actual life and don't bother in forgiving
because sorry is just a word people use to be trying
but the fact they really don't care there just lying  
sorry don't bring back the dead i aint lying
that word is meaningless
so why do we use it ?
why we trying?

flawless like a dear
Drinking at a lake in the clear
On the lime grass.. Steady here
Free in peace
No shots no fear

raised  in shadows
In dark and cold
Lost something precious
Lost what was stole
now we live alone
Pain and stiff down to the bone
like a car driving in and out of cones
one knocked over
test is over
failed and bailed on a challenge to start over
Big cold shoulder
Heavy like a solider
Respect was lost
Like a stage of maze
never named but repaid
dirt and shovel
Dirt and *****
killed by the solider
died by his blade
look at the mess we made?

sitting on the floor
wanting you back
wanting you more
feeling of tears all over my face
Then my eyes go blurry
as the tears slide down my face
the salty little tears
finally caress my lips
as  they drop to the floor
i cry a little more
and i hold myself tight
sobbing through the night
with his picture held to my chest
its all those memory's that i miss best
i hold it a little tighter
and the glass it starts to crack
slowly starting to shatter
i quickly lean back
glass is on the floor
glass is in my skin
taking on little piece
digging it in my skin
only love can hurt
hurt so much like this
cut so deep in
inside my wrist
the blood flows out
flows out just like my tears im finally letting go
of this love and my fears.

People be hating
by the words that im saying
By the truth that im laying
Shut up if you don’t like what im saying
All them boys be misbehaving
And then girls be over thinking
With drugs and underage drinking
What the hell is this generation thinking?
Getting messed up out of condition
Taking on infliction By man or woman
that’s no tradition
It makes me sicken.
From what people be doing
Turning into villains wising to be killing
Wishing it be different…. Back and forth missing
People been teasing And many needing pleasing
So sick of all you people full of greed
Think of someone elses needs
Now take a seat And watch what I speak
This is what I preach

you can hate me - but you wont break me
you can push me - but you cant stop my hope
you can call me names - but it wont shatter my self pride
you can make my life hell- but i will make it heaven
you can be the devil- ill be the angel
you can be the net - and ill be the dolphin

you can be my enemy

you can be the dark- and i will be the light
you can be the storm- and i will be the sun
you can be the flood- and i will be the drain
you can be the snake- and i will be the mouse

you can be my enemy

you can take my heart- and i will not seek it out
you can take my stuff- and i will not ask for it back
you can punch me hard- and i wont hurt you back
you can damage my skin- but i wont care at all
you can drown me at the river - and i wont struggle to breath

you can be my enemy
yes you can be my enemy
the one that dont understand me
the one who has low self of steam
you can be my enemy

look inside my eyes
see the pain that grows inside
see the tears that now have dried
see the hurt that i have to hide
see the bags under my eyes
from sleepless nights
and late night fights

see all the stress
that bubbles in my head
wanting it all out
want to scream and shout
break a glass or two
lock myself in my room
cried another night
another sleepless night

woke up with sadness
as i cry some tears in bed  
laying there crying
again i rest my head
doubting my day today
should i even bother to pray
for it never came true
to come home one day
not feeling so blue

depressed with this life
how on earth do i avoid all the strife
when my temper runs away
i feel like i should be dead straight away
never knowing how to say
leave me alone
just go away
for my voice tends to leave
every time i dont believe
that im ever important today
or every time i have a bad day


so when you all say
pick yourself up dont delay
think about what I say
as i dry my tears away
for this sadness never ends
i feel so alone
never having friends
the only thing that comforts me
is the warmth within my sheets
so when you live like me for a day
tell me then what you would say
for my life is really bad
its really dark
its really sad
so when i say its hard
dont think im just saying it
for the truth is here to see
i will never ever be free

as a solider i march in the dark
without a soul
without a heart
without your lips
pressed up against mine
your on my mind all day all the time
but still you lie
and pushed me away
so i march like a solider
in the darkness
of my day
there is no light
nothing that shines bright
i have no need to go to bed
to think of you
to rest my head
instead ill cry
and drown in all these tears
ive kept this pain
in my heart all these years
so you finally need to know
that your the reason i never show
your the reason i march in the dark
without a soul
without a spark.

I went down
Down to hell
Down to hell
Is were i fell
Were i go
To sell my soul away
Next will be my heart
It was broken anyway
lonely in the darkness
is were it struggles to breath
helpless and destroyed
is were you left me
the state im in is ugly
and that is how i feel
used and abused
broken in two.

i am happy
i am sad
i get angry
i get mad
i abuse my skin
i abuse everything
every touch is always pain
will i ever love again

when i feel joy i sing to the skys
cry in happiness
with a twinkle in my eyes

but when im sad
i go down to the dark
doing bad things
that will always leave a mark
tears will never end
needing a best friend
asking out to the world
why do this im just a girl
ill raise my fist and shout to the sky
make it rain with all the tears i cry
ill take one last step
and make it to my death
sink deep within the ground
and i wont make a sound
ill finally be at peace
can finally go to sleep
never having to go home
my problems over flown

you know what you did was wrong
but you thought it was so  right
when you hit and kicked and punched me
every single night.

as my screams were louder then ever
and my cry's hurt your ears
every night you go to sleep
with those sounds blasting through your ears
the gilt you have must be unbearable
but so was my pain

but you thought it was funny
and you played me like a game.
you laughed with every beating
and i think that you are insane

but when you took my life
i couldn't feel more alive
knowing im free of pain
knowing im finally going to die

the treatment that you showed
was horrible and dark
im glad that its over
and that you stopped my heart

but you will never be able to sleep well
each and every night
for my voice will keep you up
it will make you feel fright.

the problem to my life
is that i live a lonely life
i speak to no one
im all alone
all my problems are big and grown
cant trust anyone
they all have betrayed

i have never asked for help
for i thought i didn't deserve
for the treatment that i get
is one i wont forget
to breath the air in peace
and to be able to get to sleep
is what i dream to do
even when i feel so blue

time is not a friend
as i find it hard to pretend
that my life is good and great
being alive is a big mistake
thought everything would be alright
got so bad
held myself tight


crying on the bed
with my head in my hands
listening to them screaming out demands
i scream at there feet

"leave me alone
"let me do my thing
"i do everything you want
" just let me do one thing
" let me please rest
" its truly for the best
" i need to rest my head
" feeling drained
"feeling dead.

get up off the floor
and do what we ask you now
you selfish little cow
we ask you to help out
and now you scream and shout
its not like you to say
leave me alone....
i have to say you surprised me good
but im not one to do you good
do as i say now or you will get hurt
dont live by my rules
sleep in the dirt

Like the world i love is shaking
And my heart is slowly breaking
My tears go on and on
So depressed been that way
I don't know how long
Hurt myself so many times
Makes me wonder why im still alive
These bruises on my skin
Tend to mark my soul within
Like tattoos they never fade
All this sadness
going on for a decade
But still the word turns on and on
And the love i had has gone
And the tears i once cried
Have left and dried
So this is how i feel
Wouldn't  expect you to care
No big deal

We stand as one looking over the sea and sand
I sit on his back…
Feeling his strong legs with my bar feet
As we slowly start to move  
I hold tight on his main
Ridding without a saddle
And the wind cursing through my hair
We start to pick up speed
Faster…………and faster……….and faster..
This is freedom……this is it
We move in sync with each other
I hold my hands out high
The water spraying my feet with a single tickle
His feet in -printing the sand with every stride
His breath getting heavier and heavier
We slowly start to stop and I turn to look the sea
And we go into the water for a swim
Holding on to his neck
We glided through the water
Like a board on a wave
I slowly get off and swim to shore
I lay on the bank with my hands at my sides
And the sun was shining brighter than ever
Nevil  comes out of the water
And lays beside me
I curl up in his neck
As we lay there together
Overlooking the sea and the sand
We slowly drift to sleep