Oh what a privilege,
to have known you.
I will carry a piece of you,
in my heart forever.

She was like art in a museum;
so beautiful to look at,
but you could never get close enough to touch
too fragile...

you were my forbidden fruit
and though i knew you were a sin
i just couldn't resist you
and if heaven never lets me in
i'll be okay knowing i had you

You became my sunshine
during my everlasting winter
I can feel my ice thaw away
as i fall in love with you more everyday

It’s nice to know you’re still reading my poems,
even if you can’t look me in the face.

You got me drowning in roses
But baby its okay,
I know you will kiss the wounds
That the thorns left behind.

I always wanted to change the world
but the world ended up changing me
and though my thoughts and memories haunt me
at least they keep me company

My whole body aches
sadness seeps into my bones
and crawls into the cracks of my veins
and trapped in my body it remains

You started a fire in me
and now all is left is decay
because when a glass heart beats
it shatters

I have knives dancing on my tongue
and i have a tendency to spit them out
pass me the poison
ill try and drown them out

So i'll drink whiskey as bitter as me
do drugs to feel something
ill do anything to escape the reality
that in life you have all or nothing.

this disease has rotted my brain,
tore out my flesh,
paralysed my muscles.
it's made my body corpse
and i'm trapped in this coffin,
running out of oxygen,
waiting for my heart to stop beating,
but i think i've already died.

It's hard to think about my future,
When I'm trapped in my past,
Screaming for some freedom,
But no-one can help me,
I am the one with the keys.

Breathe,
Look at the sky,
Feel the dust settle,
Feel the wind between your fingerprints.
Life hurts,
But I'd never give up this earth,
When right now,
It is turning for me.

You were my safe place
you wrapped yourself around me
like a blanket

but then you started to choke me
and even though you've now let go
I'm still suffocating.

I wish I could love you,
The way you deserve to be loved.

All love has an expiry date,
Maybe it's better you chucked it out before it rotted.

I hope you know that,
you're the prettiest sight,
I have ever seen.

I think I have been sad for so long,
That I don't know how to be anything else.

here i am,
writing poems full of love,
for someone who’s not reading.

I don't want to be me anymore,
But I don't want to be anything.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore

thankyou for making me feel something
i just wish it was less painful

today I felt sad,
so today I took a pill,
and my sadness turned into a dull numbness,
and sometimes the pill makes me laugh,
and either way it protects me from my thoughts that haunt,
but now it’s wearing off,
and I’m sad,
so I will take another pill.

and the cycle is never ending.

You said my pain was so poetic,
And I was cutting myself to the bone,
Squeezing the blood on the pages so you could hear me,
Nothing about my suffering is poetic,
Screaming into my sheets and trying to claw memories out of my chest,
Burning myself and forcing me to remember things I’d rather forget,
Breaking down crying and begging to be laid to rest,
You called me a beautiful tragedy,
But I believe you can only have beauty,
Or tragedy,
And I am the latter.

I just want my skin to feel like mine again

I miss the burn on my throat
From the rope you wrapped around me
I miss the bruises on my wrist
from the way you grabbed me
I miss the gentle kiss
and the violence on your lips
I miss the bitter looks and hard touch
I missed loving you so much

The world is bare and colourless
The life has been drained from all of us
Now we are drunk on our soberness
As we run through old fields that are now battlegrounds

The morphine smiles aren't enough
Drunken promises hurt too much
So i'll pump ****** into my blood
These things hurt less than they should

Peace settles in my bones
The 5 am air kisses my skin
On a rooftop somewhere
Going nowhere
The town sleeps
And the only sign of life is the lights
Twinkling in the streets.
My arms disappear into the dark night sky
And wonder why I feel so alive
when all i want is to die.
Maybe one day I will take the fall
I hope the heavens catch me.

I knew the moment I started falling
That you could never catch me
My burdens were to heavy
I just didn’t realise that the crash
Would hurt so much

"Did you ever love me?
It's okay if it's a no
I've suffered a lot worse than lost words
It's just i have memories that are blurred
of a time when you were soft
and your words weren't slurred
but now the memories seem like a song
from a song bird
that has been left unheard
or stars that cowered in the dark night sky
So did you ever love me?
because i know i loved you"

He remained silent
turned his back
and i had my answer
the sky was starless after all
I remember running from you
when your eyes turned black with fury
and your tongue dripped poison with every word
and sometimes i feel like i'm still running

You remain in my shadows

If I stop breathing,
Will the weight on my chest lift,
Because God I need some relief.

Maybe the weight will crush my sternum,
And cave into my heart,
Maybe it already has.

i really hope the butterflies
don’t turn into moths

even though you are killing me
i need you to feel alive
i loved you in all our fights
and our passionate nights
but you traded my love for the drugs you adored

and my lungs ache without you
ill hold onto you as if ill never touch you again
held together so closely that we breathe as one
and when you leave my body aches from the loss of your grip
the loss of your lips
the loss of all of it

I've been thinking lately
about the life we never had
full of playground swings
and joyful things
and how all i wanted was that

I've been thinking lately
about the kids we never were
the kids i'll never have
the love we never gave
is the love we never had

I've been thinking lately
about my greatest fear
maybe its becoming you
maybe its being nowhere near

When you can’t catch your breath
I’ll lend you the oxygen out of my chest
I would take apart my heart
If it helped yours to beat
But you like her and I can’t compete

God! You look so beautiful.
I wish I was a painter,
so I could capture your beauty forever,
I tried to paint you in my mind,
mould your sculpture into my memory,
but you have become distorted,
bleeding,
screaming.
My dreams and nightmares fight over you,
my brain was always good at twisting things,
and now I don’t know what the reality is.

Will you meet me by the tree
where you fell in love with me?
Will you love me as if i haven't changed?
I know my heart is heavy, my bones are broken,
my eyes are sunken, and my soul is tired
but love me as if my light never went out.
Love me as if the fire you started in me hadn't burnt through my bones.

Will you meet me by the trees
and dance with me?
We will sway with the breeze
and hold each other gently
as i caress your cheek and whisper
"you are the most magnificent thing i have ever seen"
and the winds will sing a song for us.

Or will you you look at me
and see the body i am?
A distant memory of who i was,
a shell of who i could've been.
a ghost of what we could have been.

will you even come at all?

when I was younger,
i envisioned a future of makeup,
femininity, pretty dresses and falling in love.
drinking, partying and running through the fields of youth.

but here i am,
crawling into my sheets
crying all hours
and nothing about me is pretty,
i am not loved
i am not running through fields of youth,
im running from them
and they were always faster than me.

Will you still love me
When the seasons change and leaves decay
When my soul is tired and my bones heavy
When there’s nothing but numb minds and codeine hearts
Will you love me in a way I could never love myself ?

I don't think I expected it to hurt this much,
but god does this hurt.
I hope you don't hurt too.

Karma chased me,
ripped off my legs so I could no longer run from my mistakes.
Karma burnt me,
and now I scream in pain for all the pain I've caused.
Karma hurt me,
but I guess I deserved it.

Even when you were pouring poison down my throat,
I wanted to believe that it was medicine,
Because it was you.

Even when my back was broken,
I would’ve carried you,
Because it was you.

Even though there wasn’t space in my heart,
I harboured you inside my chest,
And loved you.

And when my body collapsed,
and my mind was lost,
you were nowhere to be seen.

were you ever there?

Funny that?
You wind up a dog,
And it bites.

Our love was like a fruit
Started of so sweet and so soft
But as it aged, it rotted and died
Leaving only a sour taste in my mouth

you played me like a cello,
at first i thought the sweet symphonies were beautiful,
a melody just for us,
but then the bow cut deep into my spine,
and bled me dry
and you continued to play.
i still think of your music to this day.
my scars still are on display.
how come it still sounds beautiful to my ears?

Reality has become kind of fragmented,
cracking and cutting my flesh,
leaving only darkness.
I don’t know how to get back,
I don’t even know if i want to

Even though my heart still beats the hurt through my veins,
All we can do is try and try again.
The sun whispers in to my skin;
"Everything will be okay,
Today is a new day."

you keep looking at me like i'm someone else,
but i'll pretend its me you're looking at,
or that i'm the person you want me to be,
it hurts too much to shut my eyes.

Sometimes I question if this is all real,
because how can anything hurt so much?
How could I feel so numb too?

Maybe it's easier to believe it's real,
that there's a point to our suffering.
We constantly fear being insignificant in a infinite world,
but I believe we are much more powerful than we could ever know.

Would it be alright?
If I was to fall in love with you

i keep trying to scratch you out of my skin,
i still don’t know how you got in?
you forced your way through
and left me with a litany of wounds.
please get out.
i can’t find a way of killing you
without killing me too.

I wish that I told you I loved you,

I wish I told you how beautiful you were,
and how youre smile created whole new worlds,

I wish I told you that you saved my life,

I wish I could've saved yours,

I wish love were enough because you would've lived forever,

I am forever wishing for more time with you,
so I could call you mine,
press pause on life and never leave the bubble we created.

It's like there are razor blades in my throat,
Slicing up the words I want to say the most,
'I love you' I whisper,
But you were already gone.

The words are foreign in my mouth,
They should feel like home,
Maybe I’ll be homeless forever.