Not sure who I miss anymore in my crazy life
-te

I love people
They can be so welcoming
Letting you into their lives
Showing you the crooks and crannies of everything inside
Making you feel like you are the most special person
To be seeing all of this
But then again they can turn around
And shut you out
Tell you to never come back
Because they don't like you
Making you believe you are not worthy
to see anymore
It's rude in a way
So I guess I hate people
-te

I remember when I was in the hospital and I didn't sleep for two days straight because I swore to god that if I did the demons would step out from under the bed and seep into my head.

I remember when it was three am, and I was shaken awake from the girl three doors down shrieking from the night terrors that her mother embedded into her skull with her fist and a belt when she was eight. But, they were then stored away until she was thirteen years old and a man swore that he'd beat her if she didn't cooperate. So, now they hide during the day, and creep back up when the sun falls.

I remember when I witnessed a boy unintentionally scratch at his skin until he bleed for an hour because the voices inside of his mind told him that if he didn't hurt anyone else, he would just have to hurt himself. and he swears he'd never hurt anyone besides himself.

I remember when I met a girl who had cuts up and down her arms and legs from when her mother told her she'd never survive the world because she isn't good enough. But, I swear to god that she was the strongest person I've ever met.

I remember when my roommate stayed up all night rocking with bloodshot eyes and deep purple circles underneath of them because she swore that if she slept the monsters inside of her head would crawl out and bleed into her soul.

I remember when the boy five doors down hit the wall so hard that it shook the entire unit because he hallucinated a man and a little girl trying to strangle him, and he swore he could feel the noose around his neck.  

even through all of this, for some odd reason teenagers think it's lovely to have deep scars and to hear voices telling them to **** themselves and everyone around them. I swear, nothing is lovely about demons eating at your brain and thoughts.

I remember when it was four am, and I was up weeping from the fact that people think my suffering is lovely.

I can swear to you, it's not.

what is life?
are we actually all living?
we all have this planned life we want to have;
finish school,
have a good job,
get married,
have kids,
grow old,
then die.
Its a routine,
designed for us to live
a "happy life"
how many of us are actually happy
how many people can truthfully say
"I'm happy and I love my life."
not many, I'm sure.
We all say to make the best of things
to live in the present.
you only live once,
take risks and never regret anything you do.
But some people, are just tired
tired of taking risks and it ending badly
having to regret things they have done,
since it changed them drastically.
I say that we should try to live life as much as we can,
we could die any moment,
and as much of us are sad a lot, or say
"I wanna die."
Only some truly mean it.
This isn't living,
its surviving.
-te

I gave you my all that day
My heart
And my soul
The one thing many people wait to do until they are much older
We had a connection
Which you could feel through your fingertips
And every time you touched me
It was electricity
Electricity through our skin
Through our veins
It was electricity of our love
I gave you my all that day
And now that's thrown away
It may have happened fast
It may have happened where no one would expect
But it was still special
In our hearts
How do you give up something like that..
How do you break up with someone knowing they gave you their all
How at 15 years old did you not realize that was so special to me
I did not regret it
I still don't regret it
But maybe,
Just maybe,
You could've stuck around a little longer with me
I gave you my all that day
-te