i always believed
my happiness
depends on how low
the number on my scale is
and how often i excersiced this week.
how much or how little i ate.

a few years later
i finally realised
numbers frighten my happiness
and being happy
does not depend on
how much or how little i weight

it depends on precious moments
that dont need to be count
to fullfill me with joy

i ended up believing
that i am a failure,
a huge mistake

those thoughts still
stuck in my head
like the thought
that i will
never be good enough for anyone


but i am
also trying so hard
to believe
that my existence
isn't a coinsidence
and that i
dont need to be good enough for anyone
but myself