what if there is no backdrop
i mean it could all be the central story, right?
i've called weaker plotlines boring and stronger ones interesting
and now when i see the story stretched out
not only over the course of my life
but through the tapered and weaving lives
of circles and slopes
of color and dreary bland borders

i see

i am compelled

it fills me

i was an artist
you were perfect
now I'm a worker
and you're confused
and the mess is better than any straight line ever drawn

we write and dance,
we share so selfishly,
like everything is ours to give

I have fought Apollyon,
Upon the dawn of longing on
Arose from strangle-holden focus,
Underfitted overloaded,
Boded stranger, strangely broken
And on the other side of struggle
After-hours aptly uttered
Words of triumph mixed with spittle
Sweat and blood and withered whittled
Will and bear of predilection
Heavy laden slighted vision
And yet regret no fatal blow
To fine and fell my fated foe
Called above so thrown below
Wicked wastes on wanting throne
Cursed and calloused cradled claw
First to hubris first to fall
I’ve hated battle; brutal beaten
But you the worse, Apol the ******
I cry high all hope and prayer
Yet unrespondent standing there
I’m reminded I was subject
I was slave no title subtext
Beyond your kingdom freedom came
I rushed to kinship out from Cain
And now destruction twice escaping
I cling to dreams until a waking
Fall, call me back and fight again
I courage up, I enter in
Clanging faith and sword to reason
You’ve hailed my battle, named my treason
Fought till sweat was mixed with blood
Not mine but thorned and vaunted hung
Just the strength to steady aim
And ****** upon thy gruesome frame
So praise now high the Highest song
My heart halts hexed Apollyon

science is tryin
but failin for lyin
fallin behind when
your "whats" let the "whys" in

wiser unwired
you couldn't explain why the white light is blinding
why the brain is a function but real thought's in the mind
real collapses
folds into quantum
falls back in your lap kids
beyond synapses,
trackin atlas lookin right at ya
take naps on your textbooks cause the answers are backwords
fold all the colors in half and get left building blackward
halfwits and hat tricks, half of the last wish

the speed of light is firstly faster than sound
but which came first the lost or the found
i've got an opinion, here i'll just jot it down

You are not the you you think you are
Huddled close behind the scars
Out and in and out again
Still mist and fog filled frailty thin

We are not the ones we claim to be
All boasted brash and broken free
Caged, released and caged again
Our chains have traded rust for skin

It's not the place it was before
Hope and hallowed winter worn
Back and forth and back again
It cannot be it's never been

I'm not the me my words portray
Subtle perched in sainted shame
Lost and found and lost again
Make believe still not pretend

Allow me to untangle
The truth and the fable
Only the one fully himself,
Who fully "is" can fully help
This state that finds
Us undermined
So in the throws
We hide our eyes
So out of sorts
Our thoughts unwind
And fill our minds
With wastes of time

But lost and found
Abstractly bound
Can come to mean
What's seen unseen
In place of finding
release the chase
Tune the rule
The walking race
I'm not the me
I'm something else
I know the one
who knows himself