So disconnected
how I feel
nothing I loved was ever real

As I walk along the beach rubbing my belly
Remembering that it felt like jelly

Anticipating how handsome you are going to be
I prayed for you to be healthy and strong like me

Everyday I would talk and sing to you
Knowing that you was listening and singing with me too

Feeling every kick and tumble
Brought joy to my heart which made my heartbeat rumble

I always protected you with all my might
Even when I was in danger and about to fight

I knew you was going to be so cute
I couldn't hardly wait for that birthday suit

The day finally came December 7th 1994
Out you came almost in the store

You was a fighter a perfect little boy as perfect as a sparkling diamond
Your eyes was brighter then the sunshine that shined around the island

I was the happiest mommy there ever was I was so blessed
As you grew and got older I was always amazed by your finesse

You have grown into the perfect son,and an amazing man
I never could have asked for anything better as if it was all planned

Happy Birthday my son
You shine so bright like the sun

I love you with all my heart
My love is off the chart

Oh drink that wine
Before it makes you go blind

The feeling is just so fine
What should I do about the brine

Oh I think I feel pain free
There's got to be another way

The pain is so strong
Why does the pain have to be lifelong

Mary Jane said she'd be back
She lives across the tracks

Wine is legal
Such a shame

Cause maryjane kills the pain
Helps to cure the brain

Cause they wanna do a frontal lobotomy
Which will release the pain sounds so unreasonable

Don't play like that
Curiosity did **** the cat

Sounds so out of whack
When will Mary Jane be back

While I wait I'll drink my wine
Remain on cloud nine

Some call it bi-polar
I prefer manic-depression
It fits us better with adequate expression
We live our life in swooping loops
We strive at our peak then it droops
And the doleful drudge is destitute
Until all progress stops and stoops
To a halt, face down in mud and roots

And then we rise
Called back to life by a guiding light held deep inside
Sorely self-aware, we work until we burst
Droll desperation, at our best when at our worst
"Wow you got your **** together you lost and soulless ruffian."
Then we hit our peak and it all starts back up again

I look
past
your
own past,

and you
should look
past
my
own past.

Despite realizing that,

We
are
made
of our
own past.

This loving you does me no good,
Why won't Time help ease my pain?
In the late hours, memories gather 'round,
Smouldering ashes are stirred again

First an ember, and then a spark,
Soon the flames are leaping high,
Our symphony of love begins to play,
(I just can't let this music die)

Do you recall how we would hide
And love each other for hours?
That old shack by the lake would welcome us
With its fragrant jasmine bowers

Strange how the moon always found us,
He'd perch high above some tree,
Unfolding his rays of silver satin
He would cover us tenderly

Did you know how much I loved you?
Were my whispered vows too weak?
My heart and my soul are tormented now
By words I may have failed to speak

Nothing has changed since you left me,
I still love you, this I know,
(How can love that's been starved and abandoned
Still thrive and continue to grow?)

As darkness peers through my window,
I miss you more than I should,
It's taken me much too long to admit
This loving you does me no good