Love is a game of cards
Which I play with hands that fumble
While others hide the hearts on their sleeves
I try to speak without it coming out jumbled
I've been dealt a better hand than most
But I have no idea how to play it
I don't even have an adequate poker face
And my cards fall when I attempt a trick

Love is a game of Monopoly
In which I have little to offer
In a world of Rockefeller's and Morgan's
I sit on the side like a wallflower
An infinite cycle of going round and round
And I'm perpetually trying to catch up
But everyone's so far ahead of me
And the whole affair is quite corrupt

Love is a game of chess
In which I will never win
My moves come slow and hesitant
And I am trusting and easy to convince
Playing on a board of black and white
Although the game itself is in shades of grey
Drive me into a corner and call checkmate
Capture my heart then leave and I will never be okay

Love is a game of tug of war
An equilibrium between our ebb and flow
Keep pulling until we're hanging on by but a single thread
While I debate if the glass half empty or full
I'll always be the one loving more
Even when I don't let it show
And I'll be the one who ends up hurt
When you inevitably decide to let go

Love is a night of games in a casino
In a city of temptation and sin
Seal your covenants with a kiss
Sell your soul to the devil with the handsome grin
Make a wish,
And roll the dice,
Remember every rose has its thorns
And when jealousy blossoms, you'll pay the price

Love is a game of Russian Roulette
Which we all play willingly
Just another character flaw,
A human vulnerability
It's no use trying to protect anyone
Luck can save you time and time again
But you can't escape the bullet forever,
And we're all just victims of love in the end

Love should come with a warning label
Telling us to look before we fall
Reminding us there might be no one to catch us
Before we risk it all
Love has many side effects
Not being able to think clearly,
Drawing hearts in notebooks,
An increase in insecurity
Love is an addicting drug
That should be used with caution
Love can mess with your health
It can make you obsessive and compulsive
The most dangerous think about love however
Is when you finally find your Romeo
You'll never know if his love is true
Or if you received a placebo

I have such high aspirations
But I feel so low
Tell me, can I live a happy life
Without giving up my soul?

And none of my dreams
Are grounded in reality
Why should I pay thousands
To be who I want to be?

I'm not too proud of my address
Daddy can't buy me every pretty thing
I'm just a girl in the lower middle class
In a world where money is king

Giggly and red eyed,
Stumbling over your feet
And words
Rolling joints behind school
Feeling the highest of highs
And we're dreaming on cloud nine
Just for a while
To numb the pain
And forget our war torn wrists
And we can see a silver lining
When we're with dear Mary Jane
And it's now that I realize
These are not problems,
They are our solutions

I found heaven on earth
In my room last night
All it took was one touch
And I felt myself take flight
And in my solitude  
I don't need anyone else
You may call it sin,
I call it falling in love with myself

I woke up breathless and perplexed
The veil between reality and dreams hazy
I felt the ghost of your lips on mine
And then remembered they were never there to begin with

I had my first kiss late last night
While I laid down in bed
You pulled me closer
As my heart beat faster
I didn't have time to pull away
or to think about what was happening
or even if my breath smelled okay
But I felt your lips pressed against mine
And nothing else mattered
It didn't last long
And I yearned for more the second our lips parted
You smiled at me
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling and realized
My first kiss was but a dream

My ribcage protects the heart
Constricting the love that's overflowing
And slowly dripping out
All to avoid any possible blows

My ribcage does not protect against
The stupidity of my brain
Who fell for the kind of boy I was warned about
Because of the one ***** that can't feel pain

And your hands became my ribs
They held my heart tight
My heart was in your palm
And I prayed you'd treat it right

Turns out you had a collection of hearts
Each varying conditions
So you put my heart in your back pocket
And it entered decomposition

The ribs protect from physical blows
And without even touching me
You've reached past my ribs
And stole the breath and love out of me

You pointed at the door
And told me you were done trying
And that I'd be out of the house pretty soon
I realize that was supposed to be a threat
But I looked out the window
And found myself hypnotized
By the snow rising and falling
Performing a dance in the wind
And I thought about walking outside
With only the clothes on my back
21°
And as my hands turned blue
I'd realize how tired I was
And make a pillow in the snow
And curl up and go to sleep
And maybe, just maybe
I'd wake up in a better place

That boy is warm freshly printed papers
Stuffed in his overflowing binder
That boy is the leaves being painted
In early November

That boy is Pokémon cards skewed all over the floor
Who never signed up for this 'growing up' thing
That boy is a huge stuffed frog on Valentine's
Lessening the winter's violent sting

That boy is obscure facts of the arcane
A curiosity never satisfied  
That boy has an ever expanding brain
And long hands that reek of formaldehyde

That boy is beautiful freckles
"Splotches of melanin" as he puts it
That boy is compliments I don't deserve
And a love I just can't quit

That boy is a long way down
A relationship that's nowhere close to flawless
That boy is worth the fall because that boy
Is my dear Nicholas

The only way in which this love story is unrequited
Is that he loves her, but she hates herself

She remembers when she was little
In school they'd warn against using drugs and smoking
Used to scare us with statistics and facts
She promised herself she'd never smoke or do drugs
Why would anyone ruin their life like that?

Fast forward 10 years, she kept her promise so far
She's obsessed with another kind of self destruction though
She cuts her skin, purges, and starves
She feels sympathy for people who do drugs and smoke
After all, they're just numbing the pain

If our love story were in photographs
You'd see two socially awkward teenagers
Completely candid and unchoreographed
Quick little snapshots of two people who slowly became friends

You'd see moments of a girl falling for a boy with black curls and skinny jeans
Her depth of field was shallow and she couldn't see she was obsessing over the wrong person
Her mind was muddles by her crush and she couldn't see clearly through her lens

You'd see her slowly lose affection for the boy in skinny jeans
And her f-stop finally let the light in
Her brunnette best friend started occupying her dreams
Oh no, she couldn't be falling for her best friend?

You'd see time lapse photography of a girl who couldn't admit the truth
Every girl thinks of kissing her best guy friend, right?
She knew that in a game of love, she would always lose
He occupied her brain like works of modern art

You'd find a picture of a girl who finally accepted how she felt
And stopped seeing things in monochrome
She took a chance at love
And captured the best picture of them all

Don't eat those pomegranate seeds
Don't gloss those beautiful lips
With the sticky liquid of death
Heaven seems so far away
When you're stuck in hell
And the devil has an incessant need
To deform all things beautiful
And to separate you
From everyone you love
And the ashy snow will fall
Until you're with me again
Because all I have is memories
Of you dancing in the spring blooms
But now you're laying among asphodel
And I know it's hard to see the other side
Because depression has a relentless need
To touch all things pure
But I know
Spring will come again

Philosophy club
I wish I could speak
Whenever I try to say something
It comes out as a small squeak

Philosophy club
When he looks at me I feel frightened
I really hope no one
Expects me to say something enlightened

Philosophy club
I'm really passionate on paper
But debating in real life
And my confidence starts to taper

Philosophy club
I'm obviously no Socrates
I could probably share my thoughts
If it weren't for my social anxiety

All or nothing
I've reached this crossroad
Before this, I've been hiding in fiction
In every word I've read and wrote

I'm stepping up to the plate
Because I can't stop the world
How much do I want to live?
How hard am I willing to battle?

Can I count on you
To lead my through this Wonderland?
If I take the easy route
Would you still hold my hand?

The road I walk on now
Is shrouded with hate and shame
And I'll have to fight impulses
As I'm inclined to stay the same

Because the future's in my palms
And I'll meet a dead end
If I keep up this way
And don't stop this trend

Standing at this pivot point
Preparing for what comes next
Since the hardest part of getting better
Is taking the first step

People always tell you that it can get better
What they neglect to tell you is how much worse it gets
Before the better part comes
In every eating disorder novel,
You can always perfectly pinpoint the moment
The protagonists steps over the line of unwell
Into well
This whole 'recovery' deal sounded good enough at first
I get to eat Luna Bars,
I have positive quotes all over the place,
I meditate and do yoga all day,
I somehow reach the a level of Enlightenment
Usually reserved for Buddhist monks
And I don't have to live with a ******* eating disorder anymore
I bought a recovery journal
To talk back to my mental illness
But so far my depression has taken control of the pen
I bought a adult coloring book
To help me de-stress
But I still only want to color a river on my wrists a crimson color

I keep thinking there's a way to be a functional bulimic
Or even better, a functional anorectic
A way that I can be recovered and enlightened and normal
And still dissect each and every meal
As if I was dealing with something ***** and impure
Is it still recovery if I can't fight the voices in my head?
Is if still recovery if I don't even try?
Is it still recovery if I still can't look in the mirror,
want the outside to mirror the chaos inside,
crave sunken cheeks and fallen out hair
That I want to preform a vanishing act right before your eyes
See my skin cave in, bones protruding
I used to think that eating disorders were about beauty
But now I realize they're about pain
And perfection and punishment
And I had to live through it to see that

I seem to never be able to do anything right
And my eating disorder was supposed to remedy that
I was good at self destruction
I was good at sitting at dinner, sipping diet coke
Feeling oh, so superior and smiling brightly
As I said that I'd already eaten
And begged my stomach pains not to betray me then
But now I've failed at having an eating disorder
And at not having an eating disorder
And I can't live anymore in this shade of gray
Coloring everything and ruling my thoughts
I don't want to be in "recovery"
I want to be recovered
Because no one tells you
How you'll cry through every single meal
How you'll see yourself grow in the mirror and not know
What's real and what's not
No one tells you
That an eating disorder never goes away
That you'll never diet again
That trying to lose weight in recovery isn't a good idea

The worst thing about an eating disorder
Is that there is no such thing as abstinence
Recovery is not one decision
It is a decision you will have to make
Every time you find yourself looking down at a plate
And at first, you'll have to pray to the gods
For indulging in the sins of being a human
But someday, maybe someday
Those prayers will go somewhere else

Secrets spill from your lips
In hiccuped slurry speech
That night you learned the most important lessons
Teachers never teach

You're on the fence
But you always tumble in an empty bottle
Trapped on all four sides
Looking up at the light, legs weak and wobbly

And those lines you stood by
Those boundaries began to blur
All that you believed in
Every bridge you charred and burned

Did you find the answers
Laced within those pills?
This self medication will make you numb
To what you must rebuild

I put the blade down
Once again
The gleam of silver shining
Obstructing my view
Imagining metallic
Deep in my skin
I pick it up,
Put it down,
Pick it up again
Recovery
Or
Relapse
I choose the latter
REVERSE
I choose the latter
Relapse
Or
Recovery
Pick it up again
Put it down
I pick it up
Deep in my skin
Imagining metallic
Obstructing my view
The gleam of silver shining
Once again
I put the blade down

He always told her
He liked the way
The moonlight silhouetted her face
And she always told him
She liked the way
He held the small of her back
When they swayed

And they had a hideaway
Where they always found each other
A park on a lake called Otisco
They'd walk and hardly notice the time
Gone by
And one day
He took a pocket knife
And carved their initials
Into the bark of a dead
Tattooed tree

They came every single day
And even though it belonged
To the community,
They felt it was theirs

And the sun rose and set
As did the moon
And they took time with them
And the soles of their shoes grew old
But this remained their spot
That they would always go
And they both wished they could
Freeze time
And lie on the grass
And memorize each line
On each others face
As they were now

And the wood on that tree
Slowly decayed
And the two lover's hearts grew old
But they were still every bit in love
With this park
With each other

And that girl
Now walks through the park alone
With tears falling down her
Wrinkled face
And she never notices the stares
And that tattooed tree had fallen months ago
She's beginning to forget
The exact lines in that boys face
Or the exact way he held the small
Of her back
And nothing scares her more
So she sits at the bench
She donated to the park
With the plaque that had
Their initials engraved
In dedication to the lovers
Who loved this park
As much as they loved each other
And she longs for the day
They'll walk beside each other again
When she makes it to the Pearly Gates
Until then, she'll just put one foot
In front of the other
Getting older with her shoe's soles
Walking in the echo
Of the love she once had

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust
My lungs are slowly blackening
With my accumulating cigarette butts
They tell me it's stupid
"Do you want to die?"
I just blow smoke in their face and say
"It may be suicide, but it makes me feel alive."
They'll wrinkle the nose at my smell
Walk away in disgust
And I'll just burn up my body
Until I return to dust

The first thing I saw on my schedule was Photography first period in Room B22
My first photography class started with me rushing in tardy with tears
I sat far away from everyone else trying to disappear
I had no friends in that class and I didn't think i'd like Room B22

There was a boy in my class in Room B22
I didn't notice him at first but he seemed kind
He was scrawny and cute with brunette hair just a few shades lighter than mine
I still didn't know anyone in Room B22

That boy talked to me one day in Room B22
And I tried to remember his name
I think it was Nathan...or Nick....or may be James
Wait! James was his brother and he was Nick, one of the many things I learned in Room B22

I started a friendship with Nicholas in Room B22
He'd always show off his pictures in the dark room
And I'd flick water at him while the other students fumed
I was glad I formed a friendship in Room B22

Our friendship began to grow outside of Room B22
We would talk in the hallway and exchange words
I grew fond of him and when we said goodbye, I missed him afterwards
I thought about how I never would have met him if it weren't for Room B22

I developed a little crush on him in Room B22
I tried so many times to tell him but the words got caught in my throat
I was concerned about our friendship and lost all hope
I held a lot of things back in Room B22

I fell completely in love in Room B22
I told him things I couldn't confess to myself
And he never treated me any differently, like I was someone else
I met my best friend and my first love in Room B22

When I think of you leaving
I see hundreds of scenarios
And dialogs speed through my brain
In some of them, you're as sad as I am that you're leaving
In some, you pack your bags with angry words
But in every single one
There's a final hug,
There's me breaking down,
And begging you to stay,
There's you actually going
And leaving me all alone
You can't just make me fall in love with you
And then say, "Goodbye."
There's me wondering if you're happier,
There's always my paranoia,
I always imagine you meeting a girl,
I imagine you forgetting my face,
And my laughter,
Until I'm but a stranger
And that new girl is all that runs in your mind
There's me sitting by a phone waiting for a call
That I'll never receive
I see me being lonely and depressed
Because you took my heart with you when you left

The day you left me was the day the world flipped upside down
It was the day we hit absolute zero,
The day there were no wars, no conflict, no death
The day you left me
Was the day everything I thought was impossible happened
You were the nerd, the perfectionist
Always memorizing facts of the arcane
Leaching Wikipedia articles for all they had
Too busy with science to prioritize matters of the heart
And I was too busy dissecting muffins, picturing my bones as a perfect xylophone
Imagining myself shrinking and shrinking until I was as hallow as I felt
You wanted a science experiment so bad, too bad you never realized you were dating one
You’ll never know how much I loved you
There are archives, poems stashed away of our love
Snapshots that force me back to the days when you loved me too
When a writer falls in love with you, you can never die
You will live on in the words I wrote, spend years in a dusty box tucked in the attic
But you will never be gone
And I will never forget
And you’ll never know how much I miss you
Oh, God, I miss you
I wish I’d told you I loved you more
I wish I’d counted all your freckles
I wish I’d made the time spent with you count
You told me you still wanted to be friends
But how am I supposed to be friends with someone whose lips are still stamped on my brain?
How am I supposed to be friends with the person who I thought would be my beginning and end?
How am I supposed to get over you?
I miss you so much
But I also miss the feeling of hunger, I miss sneaking off to the bathroom to rid myself of guilt, I miss the sadness that was so strong I couldn’t tell where I ended and it began
I can’t hurt myself anymore
My hands are as red with guilt as yours are
I chose depression over you
Every time I canceled plans,
Every time I pushed you away,
Every time I hid inside myself
I made you a third wheel in your own relationship,
Took the hand of depression while you watched on
Forced you to see our inside jokes
Paraded my infidelity in front of you
I have other loves now
I am head over heels in love with the human brain
I’m not much for flirting
But talk to me about the self-fulfilling prophecies and cognitive dissonance and I will fill your mind from dawn till dusk
And I am in love with words
With flipping through the pages of a book and knowing there’s a story there
With the greeting of warm papers from the printer and the click of my keyboard as I fill up empty space with life
Would I be alive to enjoy these things if it wasn’t for you?
I don’t know
But I am not obligated to take your outstretched offer of friendship
If I have learned anything in recovery it’s that I need to put myself first
I don’t owe you any friendship just so you can feel better for breaking my heart
So If I can’t be your girlfriend and I can’t be your friend
I guess that makes me nothing at all

I ate too much for breakfast today
And lunch was spent wondering if I should slip away
Wondering if I should go back for seconds
**** it, why not?
My feet jiggled nervously under the table
Trying to think of an excuse to leave
Trying to figure out how much the barbeque chicken pizza would hurt on the way back up
Trying to figure out how much I’d regret it
Trying to figure out if my body was okay
My self esteem balloons up and down
Somedays I look in the mirror and like what I see,
Think I look cute and quirky in my glasses and skirt,
Think my body is almost okay
And then like black crossing over to white, like a light switch flipped on
No inbetween
All of the sudden I am ugly
My body takes up too much space
Loving myself, loving this body seem like an impossible feat
The little critic in my head is back
And he wants to move back in,
I’m not cured
Recovery is not about loving your body
Recovery is accepting it
I’m still working on that
The calculator in my head wakes up,
Regenerates every time I’m around  food
My hands still hover over the diet soda before forcing myself to pick something that scares me more
I still have to bargain in my brain
Eat a salad so I can eat ice cream and cookies
Skip lunch so I can have a big dinner
Strip naked in front of a full mirror,
Watch my body standing up, bending over, sitting
Grabbing, pinching, prodding, poking
Surveying this piece of meat
This thing
This body
That I know I need to be kind to
I weighed myself for the first time in almost a year
My toe lingered over the cold surface of a scale
Like a child about to dip his feet into water
I knew standing on that scale could drag me under
And I did it anyway
Loving myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done
When self hatred has been tamped into my soul
When my eating disorder was the only thing I good at
This secret lover, the most attentive one you could have
Took my hand and showed me how an empty stomach could feel like love
My eating disorder was my best friend,
The abusive relationship I kept going back to,
The most interesting thing about me,
The thing that was killing me
Having an eating disorder is easy;
Allowing yourself to slip into a disease out of your control
Having someone else make all your decisions
Your life reduces itself to the numbers on the scale
The slipping numbers on the scale assure me that everything is alright
But I can’t live like that
Having an eating disorder is easy;
Recovery is hard

Darling,
You deserve more
Than what this world
Could ever give to you
And trust me,
If I could take your pain
And suffering
And make it my own
I'd do it in a heartbeat
Because you are more beautiful
Than Michelangelo's David,
And you turned this pessimist
Into a believer in humanity
And you've turned this atheist
Into a believer of angels
Because what else could you be?
And you make me wish there was More
Because I want more for you
Because every time my ears against
Your chest
It reminds me
That when it comes down to it,
You're just human
And no human can escape oblivion
But you deserve so much better
Because it's amazing
That there are 7 billion people
But when we're together,
I only see you
And I hope you only see me

So much depends upon
The strength of that boy
That gangling brown haired boy
Who may be skin and bone
But somehow manages
To carry around the weight of loving me
Every day
And to have my burdens and baggage
On his back
But I'm scared that someday
His strength will fail him
And he'll be crushed
And I'll have been the undoing
Of the one person
I never wanted to see hurt

So much depends upon
The patience of that boy
That boy who is usually go go go
But for some reason slows down
And waits for me to catch up
And can always tell when something's wrong
And always cares
And listens to me complain
But I'm scared that someday
His patience will have run dry
And he'll take off running on his own
Because I held him back

So much depends upon
The blindness of that boy
Who is the smartest person I know
But was stupid enough
To fall in love with me
And I know it's selfish of me
But I wouldn't mind
If his love was unending
But I'm scared that someday
His blindness will dissolve
And he'll realize he deserves better
And the only person holding me together
Will hate me
As much as I hate myself

When I fell in love with you
It was like the Big Bang
A celestial cataclysm
And the world was no longer blank

And you were a paint brush
And all it took was a small splotch
To fall and color rippled across the page
Ambiguous like Rorschach's ink blots

And you were a match
A catalyst for the spark
You burned the bubble wrap
That was restricting my heart

You were first life
In a cold and barren land  
The bud of a rose
Bursting through the ash

And you were an explosion
The Big Bang which created the cosmos
Before you there was nothing
Until you were all there was

It's so easy
To slice through those
Writs of yours;
It's so easy
To make an excuse
Not to eat;
It's so easy
To smoke yourself
To death;
It's so easy
To open your mouth
And purge your problems away;
But it's so hard
To open your mouth
And speak

She's just looking for attention
That has to be it, right?
Just a melodramatic girl
They ignore all the signs

She's just looking for attention
That's what they're all saying
It's funny how when it's all said and done
They'll cry that they didn't see it coming

She's just looking for attention
They yell "You shouldn't joke about suicide!"
She represses a bitter laugh and thinks
Too bad I won't see your reaction to the punchline

When I was little, every Sunday I’d go to Church
I was a child drunk off of fairy tales and day dreams
And I loved the idea that we could go to heaven when we died
And the pastor looked me in the eyes and said
"God is with you."
And like any 5 year old would, I believed him

My family bowed our heads and prayed before every meal
But halfway through dinner they’d start yelling
And I remembered what the pastor told me
So I covered my ears and asked God to make it stop
But I felt all alone
And that’s why I’m an atheist

At school the kids would pick on me
I didn’t understand why they didn’t want me as a friend
And I prayed to God that they’d stop
But I also prayed for them too
Because I was a good Christian
And good Christians love their enemies
But nothing changed
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I remember the first time my mom hit me
One time during a fight
She told me I was stupid and worthless
And after a while I started believing what she said
I started to wonder
How could someone so hateful
Call them self a Christian?
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I prayed that God would make me beautiful
Because I wasn’t skinny
And I knew I wasn't good enough for that boy I liked
But every time I looked in the mirror, I felt the same
So I stopped kneeling in prayer
And started kneeling in front of the toilet
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I haven’t prayed in 5 years now
I have only one request of God if he exists
That he end the pain right now
But nothing happens
So once again, I will have to do things on my own
And standing so close to the edge
I think about how I used to love the idea of life after death
But now I’m obsessed with the thought that when I do
They’ll be nothing coming after
And I can have eternal sleep
And that’s why I’m an atheist

1.Sight

Beauty looks like protruding bones
Photoshop, and makeup to cover tired eyes
Girls in magazines who emanate elegance
Even though the perfect girls are only a guise
That's what beauty looks like

2. Hearing

Beauty sounds like that girl you hardly know saying "*** you've lost so much weight!"
You feel happy for a split second even though you don't see it
It's standing up a little straighter when hearing someone call, "You look really great."
But the voices still say "It's not enough."
That's what beauty sounds like

3. Taste

Beauty tastes like diet coke, since it's the only thing you'll drink
Tastes like bile and the salty tears running down your cheeks
After you just puked
It tastes like binging food that you bought really cheap
That's what beauty tastes like

4. Smell

Beauty smells like febreze mixed with *****
In a pathetic attempt to hide what you just did
It smells like a million foods vying for your attention
But keeping self control even though you want to quit
That's what beauty smells like

5. Touch

Beauty feels like running your hands across your collar bone
Because it gives you the illusion you're thin
It feels like your stomach releasing an overdue groan
Because you've been eating as if there is a famine
It feels like grabbing the fat on your body while your mind complains
Beauty is feeling the knife in your back reminding you
"Beauty is pain."

She wasn't a religious girl
Lost faith a long time ago
She had been disappointed one too many times to believe
Told herself she'd never go back

And then she met a boy
Who shared her lack of belief
Every time she saw him it felt like heaven
But she reminded herself he'd eventually leave

This boy was more of a saint really
He was too good to be true
She waited for the inevitable heartbreak
Which was far overdue

He stayed by her side though
And she began to think about how
He was there when God never showed and
If it was possible to be an atheist who believed in angels

You'll always be two steps ahead
In this game called 'the chase'
You'll always cross the finish line first
Because to you, love's just a race
You'll hold my heart
You've already won
Because you took off running
Before I knew it had even begun

Younger days,
Time long ago
How we've changed
Yeah, how we've grown
I couldn't have known
The gravity of that day
The clock ticked by
Everything felt the same
I don't believe in fate,
Not sure about destiny
Red strings are cute
But they aren't for me
We could have been
Like parallel lines
Could have gone on living
Without knowing your name
Forever in ignorance
Of what could have been
It would have passed by
Longing for a face never seen
We weren't parallel lines
Love caught me in its net
It all came together
On the day we met

There was a boy who loved a girl
And that girl adored that boy
The boy was happy and loved himself
The girl was full of self hatred and couldn't feel any joy

He didn't understand why she hated herself, couldn't she see he loved her even if she was depressed?
She couldn't understand why he liked her, couldn't he see she was a mess?

"You're such a narcissist." She'd laugh but she was secretly jealous
And she wondered how it felt to like yourself

She was amazed at how he always seemed to overestimate her abilities
He was stunned at how she always seemed to underestimate herself

She knew he deserved better though and tried to retract
But they were too in love and this is proof that
Opposites really do attract

I made a comment about jumping off a building the other day
And you looked at me and said "You shouldn't joke about suicide."
And I completely agreed, suicide is not a joke
But little did you know, I wasn't joking
And even though I smiled as I said it,
I silently begged you to see behind it
And pull me far, far away from the edge
Before I fell where no one could reach me
Because their is a huge difference between wanting to die
And wanting to **** yourself
It can make the difference between life and death
And I'm afraid I've gotten to the point
That I might just want both

The end of your rope
Became a noose round my neck
I'll be with you soon

I've never liked the expression
'Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me."
I think it undermines the power of words
It's undeniable that words have an impact on people
Letters strung together can sting a person's soul
When they are spoken with a tongue used like a whip
Words evoke passion,
They inspire us,
Make our blood boil,
Horrify us,
And yes, they can hurt us
To say that words can't hurt,
Is to demean all that words do
Look at Marat,
Martin Luther,
Shakespeare,
Darwin,
Hobbes,
Freud,
Orwell,
Paine
And tell me words can't change the world
Words are what I turn to when I have nothing left
I'd rather my bones break,
That would be much better,
Than to lose my dignity,
To have a record of voices
Tell me I'm useless,
I'm stupid,
I'm fat,
I'm never good enough
Always on repeat,
Always on my mind,
Always ringing true
Maybe I'm over analytical
Maybe I care too much
About things said in the past
But here's to all the "I love you's"
All the "I hate you's"
To saying "I don't give a ****"
The pen is indeed mightier than the sword
Because your words
Are what made me turn the blade
On myself

You are a star
Shining in the night sky
There's a burning in your chest
A supernova bursting behind your eyes
Full of life, full of love
I can't help but stop and stare
You help me find my way home
By just being there
You're the kind of beautiful
That makes me want to cry
All of the stars could make constellations
And you'd be brighter than them all combined
I am but a speck
Staring at you from below
But I feel a sense of hope
When I see you glow
You'll look down from up above
The whole earth as your view
You'll never know a tiny speck cries
Because I know I'll never be good enough for you

A few days ago you asked me about college
And I told you the future was a ******* hole I don't want to think about
You said "I like that metaphor, or analogy or whatever that would be called."
I said, "All I know if college is a way for me to get out."
You then told me you wanted to go somewhere all across the ******* country
All of the sudden a million scenarios of us saying goodbye flooded me
This is one instance where I'd prefer to hear the pretty lies
That you'll never leave
And that our love will never die
I'm not stupid and I know that one day,
The memories of me will be a thing of the past
But just thinking about it
Puts into perspective that this will never last