On my Father's death last night.*

Death of a father. Night of nothing. Morning of less.
Anhedonia. A family like the Walton's on crack.
Drama looms. Not a human feeling in the bunch.
Death a hyena at camp fire's edge. Light goes out.
Step up to the grave. Now you are first in line.
Mortality worm gnaws. No exemptions. Gnaw back.
We are but a moment's sunlight. Some not even.
Only lesson. World goes on. Without us. An instant.
Good morning blues. Blues how do you do.

  ~mce

I touch my skin, with ecstasy igniting from my finger tips.
I leave a burning taste, fresh on my lips.
My whole body tingles, flowers begin to bloom.
Hold me, trust me; let me in your room.
Tell me things you've never told before,
Love my free spirit, watch me soar.
Many years dead flowers laid upon my wake,
For many years that's where they would stay.
Till the day you smiled and I fell in love with feeling again.
Flowers now blooming from all the tears I shed.
Bright colours shine, along my grave.
I understand now, it had to be this way.
My heart had to die before I could be alive again.
I had to allow myself to move on,
Become my own best friend.
Dwelling in the past only hurts my heart,
But never visiting this chapter would tear me apart.
I've made peace with what's within me,
I've done it, my sins confessed;
I'm free being me.

There was a once a time in my life,
Where I would rather be someone's second choice, or last resort; than being depressed and lonely.
I looked for diamonds under rocks,
Trying to find love in guys I knew were no good.
I felt so lonely inside. I tried to mask the pain; having *** with friends, trying to fill a void that will never be filled.
I was used up, sad and really broken.
I found my strength within me, every tear I shed has helped me move on.
I had control of my life the whole time, I was just made to believe I didn't.
As I look back at the broken girl inside me she smiles, forgiving me finally.

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

A smile is just a thing on the face
It hides your true feelings
It shows your joy
It holds your doubt
It shows your love
It covers your jelousy
People miss read are smiles all the time
You smile when your talking to a person you hate
You smile at a person you love
Your smile holds hate and disgust
It holds love and beauty
It appears when someone tells a good joke
It appear when people ask what's wrong
It appears when the camera man says "say cheese"
It appears to hide your tears
It appears at a good memory
It comes and goes as it pleases
A smile holds so much
Whether good or bad no one knows
It's your job to look at a smile and see what it really means
A smile is just a thing on the face

I'm young, ugly, and depressed.
Walking among the lonely; those half dressed.
Drinking in our closets, feeling liquor is your only friend.
Wasting our youth; too busy waiting for the end.
Forget about peace! The war of life has just begun.
It's no longer common to trust others with our daughters and sons.
Too busy smoking heavy cigars, waving around your guns.
Hopelessness is found in broad daylight.
No longer down a dark shady street.
The ugliness of hate, controls your fate.
Trying to find love in all the wrong places.
Finding self worth from other people's faces.
Toxic lies, start sounding real.
Disguised within the new trends.
Society telling us how to feel.

You made a poet fall in love with you
And expected her not to write sonnets about your eyes
Haikus about the way you kissed her in the moonlight
Expected the fire in her heart not to inspire couplets
You made a poet fall in love with you, and when you left
Expected her not to write pages about the ache in her chest
Write a soliloquy dedicated to her tears
Expected her not to feel every gut wrenching moment of the pen hitting paper like your words hit her in the most vulnerable places of her mind.
You made a poet fall in love with you, and you expected her to be silent.
That is no fault of hers.