The man I'll one day meet
won't be handsome, at least not to you
if he were an apple on a shelf,
he'd be the last one you'd choose,
bruised on the outside, yes
but that makes the inside sweeter
the one no one wanted
the middle of a 5 seater

The man I'll one day meet
I can see him when I sleep
sometimes will get coffee
and he'll ask me...
about me,
like he cares, like he's there
like even if I haven't met him yet
we're not wasting time

The man I'll one day meet
will make it all worth
all the heartbreak, all the anger
all the sadness, all the misplaced joy
The man I'll one day meet
is somewhere, right now,
thinking about me.
And I can't wait to tell him I'm doing the same

We did it
It's all on us
We didn't have chance
nobody believed
I mean why not
We had proven what we could do
We had shown the power of our actions
the system was our enemy
we didn't treat it as such
so when we fought back
we thought the system would back us
it didn't

Peeing in the shower
Before you even turn the water on

I want to talk to you all about death

not the idea of it
but the reality of it
When somebody dies that isn't just a statistic
a faceless body thrown to the wind

that person is just like you
it's not someone whose skin was different
who wore their hair a different way

no

that person ate food like you do
they worried about their future like you do
they turned off the channel when they couldn't find anything entertaining to watch on t.v. like you do
they rode their bike but not as often as they'd like just like you do

they worried if they weren't good enough

they questioned God's existence
they dreamed
they complained when their noses got stuffy
don't agree with death because you believe people are
different from you
revolt against it because
they are the same

Depression.
You read about it.
See it on Tv.
I always thought it was a filler.
An quick way to describe a character.
"Oh He's depressed"
Everyone took a slow nod.
And then the show went on.
The character wasn't depressed.
Sad sometimes, maybe.
But that wasn't Depression.
I didn't know that.

I was blissfully unaware as a kid.
Most kids are happy obviously.
But I was something else.
I never stopped smiling.
When people asked me why.
I told them I had no reason not to.
I thought that would always be the case.
I mean why wouldn't it be.
But then time went on and I had reasons.
I kept my smile through it all.
And then one day.
One solemn day.
It just stopped.
I couldn't smile.
Maybe I had crossed some cosmic line.
Regardless I couldn't smile.

Suddenly I had too many reasons not to.
That's fine I thought.
You can be successful without a smile.
So I kept moving forward.
Into a forest that constantly grew darker.
You're still the same person I told myself.
Just because you don't smile anymore.
Doesn't mean you didn't used to.
It was weird.
Happiness only existed to me in forms of nostalgia.
I remembered the golden times.
And thought their existence validated my lack of current ones.
This was the hard part I thought.
It will go uphill one day.
Eventually.
That's how life works.

But that isn't how it works.
It isn't how anything works.
You can't sacrifice your present for your future.
Present sadness does not guarantee future happiness.
Life is a set of greased monkey bars.
Just because you've made it this far.
Does not mean you were meant to make it any further.
So soak in today.
Because it arrived although it wasn't promised.
Don't just smell the roses.
Pick them.
If only to do so before someone else does.
You don't combat Depression by thinking about your potential.
Or reminiscing over your past.
You defeat Depression by remembering.
That today.
You are You.

That's reason enough to smile.

One Day there was A Bee Named Beevis

Beevis was the fastest bee in the garden

He won all the races

And won all the medals

But still Beevis was sad

Because no matter how many races he won
Or how many medals he was awarded

He still couldn’t smell

Because he had a deviated septum

But Beevis was in luck

Because the Bee Grand Prix was soon approaching

And the Prize was a check for $100,000

And Beevis knew it cost $2,435 dollars to repair his septum

He realized he would be rolling in money.
(Figuratively, of course. Not Literally)

That would be wasteful

So he raced

And he won

Because like I said earlier he was the fastest bee

So he went to the doctor with $2,435

And had his septum repaired

As soon as he left the office he was overwhelmed by smells

He was drawn to a patch of roses

Beevis slowly took in each one’s distinct scent

Beevis had no desire to fly fast anymore

He always stopped to smell the roses

And You Should Too

If a tree falls in the forest
and no one hears it
and presumably if the tree fell
it follows that it was dead
if all these things happen
is the tree real?
does it exist?
is it tangible?

let me backtrack
there's a sprout
and it blooms
grows taller
grows branches
and then one day
as you well know
it falls

was it real?

reality is subjective
it makes me wonder
what real is
we are real
in the sense that we, right now, have consciousness
but that's not what I'm worried about
in the grand scheme of things
in the forest that is our universe...

Am I...?

No
I'm talking about a tree
in a forest
not me
in this world
was it real?
tell me
tell me

did it matter?
did any of it matter?
the time lighting took off a slab of bark
the time two birds made love on it
the time a squirrel nestled inside it
the time a leaf fell and smacked a little boy in the face
yes it happened
but was any of it REAL?

These are somber thoughts
they reek of depression
angst
i've put up walls around myself
which are fine to keep out intruders
but it seems I did not give myself the key
what am I hiding?
what do I not want me to know?

Am I...?
I found it
the key
I need to finish the sentence
but I can't imagine the weight of that question
how can I question that of myself
do it
ask

Am I.......
.....
...........
real?
Does any of it matter?
and if some of it does
am I losing sight of those things
have I lost my connection to reality
am I alone
is this all there is?

If I fall in a forest
and no one hears it
and presumably if I fell
it follows that I was dead
if all these things happen
was I real?
did I exist?
Was I tangible?

She fell in love
which would have been a sight to see
had it been with
me

Stop it.

Just stop it.

Stop it with your philosophy.
Your answers
your higher meanings.
Just stop it.

All you talk about is Socrates
you praise his ideology.
Place him on a pedestal of greatness
a shining example of a life lived right.

Where was that ideology
when he hung from the gallows.
What good are one's thoughts
when one's neck fails to connect with itself?

What say you?
Plato is no better.
nonono he is not
the man tasked with carrying on his mentors ideals.
This genius
this beacon of hope.
Spent over 10 pages of his book
explaining why older men should not have *** with younger boys
as if he was trying to convince himself.

Not the reader.

Just stop with it all.

I am not struggling to find myself
I am struggling to find rent money.
My problems are not in my head.
They are in my bank account.

You pine over a greater purpose
like it's some piece of salvation.
You talk of the high pleasures.
You tell me that I have more to gain from sitting and watching an opera
than from ******* a *****.
I don't want to discuss semantics
but I'll talk logistics.
I'll take the latter
not because I love ******* ******
but because I ******* hate the opera.

Pleasure cannot be defined or quantified
My pleasure is solely to see tomorrow.
Something I'm not too confident in right now.
Philosophy is the activity of the man with free time.
But time is not free.
It is expensive and costly.
Those with time don't understand.
Those without it understand it too well.

Love is not my end goal.
A family is not my dream.
A house on a hill would be nice.
But only because of the house.

Not the hill.

So spare me.

Please.

When you tell me about the wonders of the world.
Realize all I have seen lately are alleyways.
Don't tell me about different cuisines.
When I can only afford the dollar menu.
Don't tell me I can be anything I want
when I can't seem to be able to be anything I need.

Life is not limitless.
The soul is not infinite.
Everything has an expiration date.

I just hope mine isn't tomorrow.

It's not the same

Your dress looks beautiful
the weather is fantastic
this restaurant you picked
amazing
the waiter
delightful

It's not the same

What did Gina tell you?
That her bladder is so small that she has to ***
every time she washes her hands?
that's hilarious
how inconvenient

It's not the same

Pass the salt
no the other salt
haha
I know that's pepper
what a cute smile you have when you're playing a joke

It's not the same

Always the jokester
never serious

It's not the same

Did you smile like that when you let him touch you it's not the same

What a beautiful dress you have
can I try some of your pasta
wow
delicious
you know I heard it was supposed to storm out in--

It's not the same

I think I'm going to use the restroom
*** even though you don't even have to
Now that I am washing my hands I do
I'm no better than ******* Gina
Don't punch the wall

It's not the same

You forgave her
she apologized
she had to apologize
punch the wall

It's not the same

Finish washing your hands
Compose yourself
You love her
and she loves you
she always did
she made a mistake
we all make mistakes

It's not the same

not like that
we don't all do that
THAT
is not normal
Hi
Honey yes, they do have towels in the bathroom
no I didn't know they used to make creme brulee here
why did they stop?
wow amazing
why did you stop?

It's not the same

I look tired?
Works been crazy
good lie
you're worrying
she doesn't know
or care

It's not the same

You forgave her
That doesn't mean I have to
because I know
as well as you do
as much as you try to fight it




It's not the same

the fly danced in front
flew away to never be
seen by me again