Tark Wain: Poems

342 · Sep 2015

I Am Far From It

Tark Wain Sep 2015

I Am Far From It

I don't know what
I am trying to attain.
All I know is that
I am far from it.

338 · Jun 2016

The Past

Tark Wain Jun 2016

The Past

The Past
is just that
Past
Move on

334 · Jul 2015

Reasons

Tark Wain Jul 2015

Reasons

Everything happens for a reason
Said one man to another
that’s ******* you know he responded
and even if that was so
should it be some consolation
should I be amazed by the worlds complexity?
should I applaud the interwoven madness
if the one left out is me?

Does a bull admire a matador’s technique?
Does a building admire the strength of a wrecking ball?
Tell me why the system is great
why I should care about the meaning behind it all
what you have is what you love
and I could never love a theory
I believe in the material
because it’s the only thing my eyes can see

Tell me why my wife died
Was it to save a thousand lives?
because I would **** a thousand more
for one more look into her eyes
Maybe her death
somehow saved my life
well one day I will die
without the comfort of my wife

That’s all it really is my friend
a celebrated rain delay
God’s in his high chair
choosing who will go and who will stay
but eventually we will all leave
despite all the magic this universe has to offer
you believe in faith sir
but sadly I am bogged down in fact

The man was choked up
as he searched for words to answer the other
I did not know your babies mother
but my son did
She pushed him to safety from a car
taking the impact that was meant for him
so while I'm sorry for your loss friend
there is a reason behind everything

#love #death #happiness

332 · Jan 2015

Untitled

Tark Wain Jan 2015

Untitled

Don't focus on it
Don't sleep on it
Don't meditate on it
Don't anything on it

Just let it happen
Just let it go
Just let things run their course
Just experience

Stay calm
Stay smart
Stay safe
Stay aware

I tell myself this every time
but I don't listen
I think it's different
I probably isn't
but I guess eventually it will be
and when that comes
I'd hate to say
I didn't focus as the train came

331 · May 2017

Untitled

Tark Wain May 2017

Untitled

#i #would #value #you

329 · Aug 2016

The Savior's Call

Tark Wain Aug 2016

The Savior's Call

Come Round Come Round/ To hear the Savior's call/ Stare upon the sky/ The place from where he'll fall

Born of the Dragon/ He who carries the flame/ The one to end all wars/ The one to end the game

Born of the Father of Fire/ and the Mother of Wind/ He'll come when all is lost/ When all lights have dimmed

We will not falter/ We will not yield/ Until the last Falcon/ Has been Killed

324 · Jan 2021

But Can We Stay A Little Longer

Tark Wain Jan 2021

But Can We Stay A Little Longer

We sit beside each other, staring out at the same moon
You motion to leave as I hide the truth, which
is
I'm still trying to hold onto this

I feel each grain of sand between my toes
I'm nostalgic for a moment I'm still in
Yes,
I know I'm rambling

I'd talk til' I am out breath
Still. A moment under the stars can't erase years of bitterness
I
Wish it hadn't come to this

I wish I hadn't had to choose
between losing me or losing you
but
as long as we're here

Can we stay a little longer?

323 · Mar 2018

You Knew What I Was

Tark Wain Mar 2018

You Knew What I Was

Are we certain Eden's snake is evil?
Do the scales hide someone who's
grown hungry for the taste of upheaval?
Someone who saw more than a pair of two
see what I mean, and what I argue here.
That it was Eve's fault that she believed
because the intent of a snake is clear
she should have expected to be deceived.
Perhaps I'm saying you shouldn't blame me,
and maybe its convenient for me to shift
the blame onto you, but honestly
I told you we were bound to drift.

I don't feel the need to apologize because
Before we began you knew what I was.

322 · Jul 2015

Read Below

Tark Wain Jul 2015

Read Below

Last Five poems were 5 characters from a screenplay I am working on discussing their view of God.

321 · Aug 2016

Reasons

Tark Wain Aug 2016

Reasons

Everything happens for a reason
Said one man to another
that’s ******* you know he responded
and even if that was so
should it be some consolation
should I be amazed by the worlds complexity?
should I applaud the interwoven madness
if the one left out is me?

Does a bull admire a matador’s technique?
Does a building admire the strength of a wrecking ball?
Tell me why the system is great
why I should care about the meaning behind it all
what you have is what you love
and I could never love a theory
I believe in the material
because it’s the only thing my eyes can see

Tell me why my wife died
Was it to save a thousand lives?
because I would **** a thousand more
for one more look into her eyes
Maybe her death
somehow saved my life
well one day I will die
without the comfort of my wife

That’s all it really is my friend
a celebrated rain delay
God’s in his high chair
choosing who will go and who will stay
but eventually we will all leave
despite all the magic this universe has to offer
you believe in faith sir
but sadly I am bogged down in fact

The man was choked up
as he searched for words to answer the other
I did not know your babies mother
but my son did
She pushed him to safety from a car
taking the impact that was meant for him
so while I'm sorry for your loss friend
there is a reason behind everything

318 · Oct 2016

Untitled

Tark Wain Oct 2016

Untitled

I think that you can hear winter
The leaves whisper as they fall if you listen closely
The trees call out, not to say anything, just to be heard
And the birds voice their discontent with their absence

There's something about the ability to see my own breath
that I find to be a jarring reminder of my humanity

313 · Apr 2018

Stand Up Routine Gone Wrong

Tark Wain Apr 2018

Stand Up Routine Gone Wrong

Sometimes I want to take my car
and drive to the middle of a desert
and get out and lay down and just stay there
until something happens.
Like a coyote eats me
or a dust storm blows me away...
I don’t know why I come up here
all the time,
maybe it’s like weird,
free therapy for me. I’m sorry,
I know that when I talk
I *** people out...
I think I’m poison.
And maybe getting up here is like me cutting
off bits of my infected self and
sharing it with you.
But the pieces are small
so the poison’s diluted,
so you get to go home ok.
And I… I get to hurt a little bit less.

313 · Dec 2014

I think about it all the time

Tark Wain Dec 2014

I think about it all the time

I think about it all the time.
I wonder if you do too.

312 · Jan 2017

It's 9 p.m where you are

Tark Wain Jan 2017

It's 9 p.m where you are

It's 9 p.m. where you are
Not where I am
because you left
I know

I don't think you think about me still
Pacing in the shadow of my windowsill
wondering if I should tell you, I love you still
I want things to change but I don't think they will

Love is not nearly as fragile a thing as time
When the winds of life have come to pass
all we're left with is a participation trophy
and a blurry past

Ocean waves wash over me
I like the stains they leave
Upon my skin that's now paper thin
as the years pass me by

I am suffocated by the thought of losing you
so much so that may I take one last breath
yet I have one more thing to say before I rest

If you really loved me... you would never have left

311 · Mar 2015

Things I Know

Tark Wain Mar 2015

Things I Know

I miss you (lets get that out of the way)
2. We have not talked in 9 months
3. The reason for that is that our breakup wasn't great
4. It was barely a breakup because we were barely dating
5. I don't know if you wanted more but I know you knew that I wanted more
6. I told you I wanted more
7. The amount of time I've spent with you is about a thousand times less than I would have liked
8. I went to college and gave you an ultimatum
9. You chose to let me go
10. I made you hate me for that
11. I judge every girl I meet by how much they remind me of you.

310 · Apr 2015

A Boy pt.1

Tark Wain Apr 2015

A Boy pt.1

A boy got drunk
A boy woke up in the hospital
A boy's parents hate him
not him but what he had become
not what he was mind you
but what he had become
a boy didn't know what he was
he knew what he was to himself
but what he was to others
that's what was being called into question
this was new to the boy
he was used to being loved
of course he was still loved uncondotionally
but there was something inorganic
about the need to state it

306 · Jul 2016

What Matters

Tark Wain Jul 2016

What Matters

There are so many things in this world
I mean that in the literal sense
there are bananas, apples and figs
heroine, needles and cigs
the thing...
the thing I am struggling with
is
what matters

What should I care about?
really tell me
is there some sort of roadmap
to lead me to my goal

help me
really
there's *** and there's piety
there's the bottle and there's deities
there's a mountain built above me
full of expectations,
plans and potential
and I have no means with which to climb it

I don't get it
how do other people pick
how do terrorists actually commit to terrorism?
I'm serious
obviously their actions are appalling
but how are they so sure
how do womanizers become womanizers
im serious
is there some threshold I've yet to cross
some achievement I've yet to receive

I feel like everyone around me knows who they are
When I can't figure out what I like

306 · Aug 2016

Hmm

Tark Wain Aug 2016

Hmm

Like a raindrop down a window
or a rope down a well
I didn't mean to fall
But once I started I couldn't help it

304 · Jan 2017

Perhaps

Tark Wain Jan 2017

Perhaps

If every rose be red
And every violet, blue
Then perhaps every path
Will lead me back to you

298 · Jun 2017

Untitled

Tark Wain Jun 2017

Untitled

And here we all go
staring at screens
trying to distract ourselves
from what it all means

292 · Jan 2017

Are you reading this

Tark Wain Jan 2017

Are you reading this

It's 9 p.m. where you are
Not where I am
because you left
I know

I don't think you think about me still
Pacing in the shadow of my windowsill
wondering if I should tell you, I love you still
I want things to change but I don't think they will

Love is not nearly as fragile a thing as time
When the winds of life have come to pass
all we're left with is a participation trophy
and a blurry past

Ocean waves wash over me
I like the stains they leave
Upon my skin that's now paper thin
as the years pass me by

I am suffocated by the thought of losing you
so much so that may I take one last breath
yet I have one more thing to say before I rest

If you really loved me... you would never have left

290 · Jan 2015

Think About that

Tark Wain Jan 2015

Think About that

And now you
tell me that I've changed
but after what you did to me
why would I have stayed the same?

287 · Jan 2017

Goodbye

Tark Wain Jan 2017

Goodbye

It's not that
I didn't know what I had
It's just that
I never thought I'd lose it

285 · Jun 2016

Hmm

Tark Wain Jun 2016

Hmm

All of my let's just be friends
are friends I don't have anymore
my mind races
as I search for reasons why
I'm unironically looking
to Drake for inspiration

283 · Aug 2015

Thoughts

Tark Wain Aug 2015

Thoughts

I waste time worrying about the things that won't happen
therefore preventing things that should

281 · Aug 2017

Angst

Tark Wain Aug 2017

Angst

You're afraid of the finish line
because if you see it you might have to cross it

280 · Dec 2016

Untitled

Tark Wain Dec 2016

Untitled

I am the poorly poured glass of water hovering over the edge
defying god and gravity, philosophy and physics

278 · Aug 2016

Depression in my own words

Tark Wain Aug 2016

Depression in my own words

Tark Wain
May 5, 2015
Depression
Depression.
You read about it.
See it on Tv.
I always thought it was a filler.
An quick way to describe a character.
"Oh He's depressed"
Everyone took a slow nod.
And then the show went on.
The character wasn't depressed.
Sad sometimes, maybe.
But that wasn't Depression.
I didn't know that.

I was blissfully unaware as a kid.
Most kids are happy obviously.
But I was something else.
I never stopped smiling.
When people asked me why.
I told them I had no reason not to.
I thought that would always be the case.
I mean why wouldn't it be.
But then time went on and I had reasons.
I kept my smile through it all.
And then one day.
One solemn day.
It just stopped.
I couldn't smile.
Maybe I had crossed some cosmic line.
Regardless I couldn't smile.

Suddenly I had too many reasons not to.
That's fine I thought.
You can be successful without a smile.
So I kept moving forward.
Into a forest that constantly grew darker.
You're still the same person I told myself.
Just because you don't smile anymore.
Doesn't mean you didn't used to.
It was weird.
Happiness only existed to me in forms of nostalgia.
I remembered the golden times.
And thought their existence validated my lack of current ones.
This was the hard part I thought.
It will go uphill one day.
Eventually.
That's how life works.

But that isn't how it works.
It isn't how anything works.
You can't sacrifice your present for your future.
Present sadness does not guarantee future happiness.
Life is a set of greased monkey bars.
Just because you've made it this far.
Does not mean you were meant to make it any further.
So soak in today.
Because it arrived although it wasn't promised.
Don't just smell the roses.
Pick them.
If only to do so before someone else does.
You don't combat Depression by thinking about your potential.
Or reminiscing over your past.
You defeat Depression by remembering.
That today.
You are You.

That's reason enough to smile.

268 · Jan 2018

It's Not the Same

Tark Wain Jan 2018

It's Not the Same

It's not the same

Your dress looks beautiful
the weather is fantastic
this restaurant you picked
amazing
the waiter
delightful

It's not the same

What did Gina tell you?
That her bladder is so small that she has to ***
every time she washes her hands?
that's hilarious
how inconvenient

It's not the same

Pass the salt
no the other salt
haha
I know that's pepper
what a cute smile you have when you're playing a joke

It's not the same

Always the jokester
never serious

It's not the same

Did you smile like that when you let him touch you it's not the same

What a beautiful dress you have
can I try some of your pasta
wow
delicious
you know I heard it was supposed to storm out in--

It's not the same

I think I'm going to use the restroom
*** even though you don't even have to
Now that I am washing my hands I do
I'm no better than ******* Gina
Don't punch the wall

It's not the same

You forgave her
she apologized
she had to apologize
punch the wall

It's not the same

Finish washing your hands
Compose yourself
You love her
and she loves you
she always did
she made a mistake
we all make mistakes

It's not the same

not like that
we don't all do that
THAT
is not normal
Hi
Honey yes, they do have towels in the bathroom
no I didn't know they used to make creme brulee here
why did they stop?
wow amazing
why did you stop?

It's not the same

I look tired?
Works been crazy
good lie
you're worrying
she doesn't know
or care

It's not the same

You forgave her
That doesn't mean I have to
because I know
as well as you do
as much as you try to fight it

It's not the same

266 · Jul 2016

Wind

Tark Wain Jul 2016

Wind

Wind's Like Life
It blows
And then it doesn't

259 · Jun 2016

Memories

Tark Wain Jun 2016

Memories

Memories are as real
as you allow them to be

257 · Aug 2016

Blue

Tark Wain Aug 2016

Blue

I've traveled every mountain
descended every valley
seen every shade of blue

yet I'd trade it all
to sit on the couch
and eat a pizza with you

245 · Sep 2015

Untitled

Tark Wain Sep 2015

Untitled

Im writing this because I need closure and I don't know maybe you do to. I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to you over the last three months for a lot reasons so I'll just get into it. I really thought we were going to get back to together this summer and not just for the summer but a while after. Now I see that that was wishful but honestly I am terrified of how hard I fell for you without even seeing you in a person. I was so astounded by the amount of soreness I felt that I won over your biggest doubter who was of course my self. And then how easily you threw away something that I felt so sure about and so confident in killed me. Hearing your name put me in a **** mood for weeks on end. Honestly it still does. And it's not your fault you don't know how much you mean to me because I've never told you in as many words but I tried. And so even now I can't bring myself to talk to you on a daily basis because I am so sure the story will end in me doubting myself like I do when we stop talking every single year. I guess what I'm trying to say is when I stop talking to you it's not because I'm mad at what you did or mad at what you do its just that I want to save myself of making the same mistake over and over again.

225 · Jun 2016

Untitled

Tark Wain Jun 2016

Untitled

Yeah...
I hate me too

224 · Aug 2016

Morning Coffee

Tark Wain Aug 2016

Morning Coffee

I know I'm your morning coffee
I know you can't start your day without me

201 · Nov 2024

Cement

Tark Wain Nov 2024

Cement

At a certain point in my life I realized I would never be whole

So I tried to find somebody beautiful in the ways I was not

And then I clung to her and prayed

That we filled in the cracks the other left

#love #loss #beauty #relationship

— The End —