I'm in pain and it's all because of you.*

I shouldn't have let you in my life in the first place.
I shouldn't have let you creep inside the barriers i've built all my life just to protect my self from this kind of feeling.
I shouldn't have let you own a space in my heart.

Because now, i do not know how can i survive a day without hearing your voice, seeing your smile, or have goosebumps whenever i see you steal a glance.
Because now i do not know how to fix that barrier, or i doubt if it will be strong enough to resists your every touch, your every stare, your very presence.
Finally because i don't know how to take back that space that you have claim, not forcefully, but so effortlessly that it surprise me how much of my self is willing to get hurt. Over and over again.
A repetitive process.
A series of nightmares.
Slowly break my heart, my dear, as it metamorphose into a million glass like liquid called tears.

Until all of the feelings i have for you hangs itself up in the air and be left stranded. Until it is all gone. Gone forever.

-This one's for you.

Dear tenderfoot, Don’t hurt yourself here
I am the jagged edges you will no doubtedly cut yourself on
Soft hands grabbing me in the night
Take me for a ride, and just drive
Simple sweet sin in the depths of your shallow soul
Fingers tied into yours
Pull me apart at the seems in the thick waves of your chestnut hair
Dear tenderfoot, you haven't earned your name yet so I will not say it
Late night texts turn the wheels in my mind till turning pages with stanza written acrostically for you
You see you are a lot like the paper in the journal I write in
You tear easy
My dear, I am the pen, I can tear through you with my inked words alone
You see, lovely tenderfoot
You are soft and gentle like a chaser
And I have a ***** personality
You are a teddy bear in the talons of a hawk I call my poetry
But you will stay intaced
For now
The hawk will do you no harm
My inked words will not permeate your skin
And frankly I’d like a chaser like you to dilute the punch of my personality
so my lovely tenderfoot
Are you ready to become words on a page
With a star crossed lovers theme?
Or are you ready to give up all these dreams
And drive away with all my metaphors

It's because of you that I'm this way
All your hypnotizing words
Singing melodies in my ear
All the reasons I live in fear

I think of you
As the clock in my therapists room ticks
All my problems, that no one can fix

All the voices in my head
Once filling me with terror
Now become my voices of reason
My mind, my own self, filled with treason

You
The one who loved yet hurt
You yourself was once scarred, yet you held a knife
And slashed my heart

Now I too am insane
Because of you
Or are we both to blame

Tis easy to say to one
Thou art looking for love in all the wrong places,
No!!!
I've been all the right places,
With all the wrong people...