I tried to get along without you
I rinsed off your *** in the shower and cleaned your kisses off my teeth
morning is easy, nighttime is hard
sure I miss your hand on my stomach when dawn forces my eyes to open, but I jump out of bed so quickly and make my morning Joe in a rickety old French press (the coffee maker was yours)
morning is easier than night, even when the sun illuminates the green of my eyes, swelling like a cloud swells with rain on an April afternoon
and on April 20th, when I celebrated the inauguration into my 23rd year and I was met with stark silence from you, that was hard
and nighttime's never easy, I see the glow of the stars and think of your third eye in which I adored
so venus goes retrograde and makes the missing even deeper, you'd think that months later the scars would begin to heal
not when you dig into them nightly and make a playground out of despair and terror
I rip off the bandages around my wound and call you
I get through.
we cry and we wonder, we weep and we ponder, we toss harsh words and wrap them with sugar sweet sentiments
the next thing I know I'm in your scarred arms once again
I've never felt so sweetly at home
your sturdy body is a house and I want to move back in, pull the weeds from the garden, and paint the walls pink
Saturn's rings tell me "no," but the planet's core is screaming "yes"
I consider who's right
to listen to one's heart or one's mind
my trepidation lies in hurting you again
I've treated your heart like a yo-yo, up and down and back and forth, knotting the cord
can we get through this?
is it just a chapter or is it the epilogue?

I tried to get along without you
however,
simply,
I don't want to get along without you