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Àŧùl Aug 14
How long will you stay uninterested?
In this relationship like me, even you have invested.

My idea of intimacy is based on my lifelong emptiness.
Have you too felt the pangs of loneliness?

How long have I been lonely in this world?
Well, essentially since my lonely & difficult childhood.

And now you might ask me another counter question.
If I had my parents along, why this notion?

Now, tell me, is having parents sufficient?
Surely, we need siblings, friends, and a joint family.

Grandparents help you endure the pangs of loneliness.
Dear, have you ever been directionless?

I grew up without their guidance,
All I had were my busy parents.

How can you judge me based on your experiences?
Come to my world, but take your time to assess.

You say that you chose me as you hope maturity,
But now you know that I'm impulsive like you.

I rhyme a lot,
I whine a little.

I write a lot,
I speak a little.

Allegorical reiteration of my story,
It keeps happening, I keep repeating.

Either you like me,
Or maybe my life.

Or maybe you don't,
Either way you're mine.

Time will bring us close,
Like you say, like you say.

Time will teach you how to love,
Like I express myself, so will you.

Yes, so will you,
Dead sure, so will you.

No, you won't be scared,
For my soul is more scarred.

Than my imperfect body,
My mind is more beautiful.

From my jobs,
I earn money and reputation.

I audit the Railways,
Working for the Government.

Comptroller & Auditor General of India,
My employer.

Indian Railways, the North Eastern Railway HQ,
My paymaster.

While we audit their expenditures,
They even make our paychecks.

I invest in the money market,
And even in the Providence.

But I have reached where nobody speculated,
No, not even I could speculate this.

While I knew that I must succeed,
Even my mother was unsure.

Nobody else knew this for sure,
Well, nobody, nobody except for my father.

Whilst I prepared for the exam,
My mother provided food so nutritious.

Only my father had faith in my potential,
He laughed away all the speculations.

They suggested weird, insulting alternatives,
Sadists the people are oftentimes.

I thank my parents for bringing me here,
And it was my father who gave me the power.

He remained calm throughout,
And his oceanic calm is contagious.

My mother did convey the speculations,
But my father invested his hopes.

Although there is no need to reiterate,
Hope is the most powerful of all the words.

I'm on a train right now,
You might meet me soon.
My HP Poem #1975
©Atul Kaushal
Elmer Sep 2016
so i said father, father
if i come back home              with a diagnosis
instead of a mangled report card
will you look at me less
like i am a                      mistake?

sometimes i feel like an                 add math question.
the sort they like to put at the end
of the exam paper.
fifteen marks, out of forty, out of seventy, out
of a hundred, and the teacher taps
twice on the whiteboard with sharp sharp nails
and says:
here are fifteen marks. don't lose them. don't lose them.

but i am not good at math. i
cannot solve myself, don't have
the right formulas                    never could
make the equations stick in my head
the way your words always did,
father. like gum, like taffy, like
cigarette ashes and smoky anger.          

you look at me most days
with calculator eyes
though i know you                 don't mean
to. are you any closer
to the answer than you were eight years ago,
in the             doctor’s office?
have your batteries finally run out?
are you squinting so hard
because you can't see me anymore?

maybe you need new prescription glasses, father
like i need a new skin.

— The End —