The ringing is loud.
I finally tell her
And it's like
Nothing
Happened.
I wonder if
She even
remembers.
(Of course she does)
The ringing is loud.
I was talking
to her the other day
I could hardly
Focus on
What she was
Saying
The ringing is loud
Before I could
Tell her
Every thing
Got
Out of whack
Jaw chattering
Always pacing
my contained
Area.
My contained
Thoughts
Songs and secrets
spinning in my head
The ringing is loud
And all the while
no one notices
Loud is the new
usual

A milestone of life
Was marked last week:
     I wasn't hit
     I aged one week
So, nothing really,
So to speak.
But
In my right ear
Came a humming,
Caused by nothing
     (and this sounds funny)
Yet, the sound is something
Ringing in my ear.
     (but really, more like a humming)
I find solace,
When alone and thinking,
The sound I hear,
Louder than blinking
     (which isn't funny)
Assures me that
My motor's running.

Ten years to the T
This ringing has lived with me
No end I can see

Metallic pinging behind my right ear
Reminds me
That this
Is the first quiet moment
I’ve experienced all day

Why there are cicadas - a tinnitus story
written November 1st, 2021

One day there was a small child
who woke up in the night
to the sound of cicadas.
Her grownup comes in to check on her.
The small child doesn't talk very much.
She looks at the grownup and rubs her ears.

Her grownup asks, "Does the noise bother you?"
The small child nods yes.
The small child's eyes ask...
Why is it there?
What does it mean?
Why does it never stop?

Her grownup smiles and tells her...
Those are cicadas dear one
they knew that sometimes
you were lonely and afraid
so they came
hundreds of them
thousands of them
to keep you company
so you would never be alone.

If you wake up
and wonder if you are safe
just listen for the cicadas.
I know they are loud sometimes
they just want to be sure
you know they are there
so relax into the sound
float on it knowing
you are not alone
and go back to sleep dear one.

at the very beginning
a bass horn hummed from the left ear
merging with the shrieking violin from the right
climbed to the mountaintop
then howling and roaring
together they rushed down and swept across the wilderness
soon they were scooped up and held in midair
waiting for the conducting baton
to drop

your constant, unending noise
i rebuke thee, '*******!', beautiful mind strangled into crude curses
profane in nature,
rituals of execration in the dead of night and stillborn morning,
lit by a brazier of an ungodly hued red,
as you roar like thunder into delicate ears.

'please be quiet'
i petition to the wailing angels
stabbing at my eardrums with harpy claws,
rip my brain to shreds in echoes of outraged confusion
'tearin' out your hair like a banshee'
LEAVE ME ALONE

My ears hiss and hum,
they fizz and they freak
Like a song with no melody
week after week

You hear sound
and I hear distortion
This ever present noise
is driving me to exhaustion

I may never hear quiet,
or stillness again,
I wonder how long
till it drives me insane

a chord played by a corpse,
a factory, a machine,
an electrical substation
with a piano wedged between

a never ending, mind bending
permanent drone
its like 16 simultaneous flatliners
that wont leave me alone

An orchestra of electrical tools
A theme tune stuck on the e-cord
Dear god, I am tired now,
Please change the record

Distract me, but loudly
Give me a release  
From this burglary of sound
I want back my peace

But don’t take away my sound
My connection to living
Just ease up on the howlers
That sound so unforgiving

People say ahhh
and they tilt their head,
This just makes me want to batter them
And let them hear my sound instead! J

Please remember my challenges
Even when I look happy and beaming
The volume is right down on my world
And the noise in my head is still steaming

Those times when you forget
you whisper, you mumble
I try as I might but I can’t reach
You through this rumble grumble

Have courage to speak louder
Direct your words to my face
This is an act of love
It is a kindness and a grace

Try not to lose patience
With me and my noisy faulty ears
These are tough challenges I face
These are my troubles my tears

I love and I laugh still
I try to forget it
Your remembering, and your sensitivity
Really helps me not sweat it.

You hum your song day and night,
Intrude in my solace without fail,
Persistence to rival time forever.
You sap my will to fight,
One day I shall set sail,
But your time comes never!