Happiness is not something I'm accustomed to
I'm sure that if I ever came face to face with happiness I would fail to identify her
Don't get me wrong happiness is something that I crave
I long for happiness
I desire it
I desire happiness so much it almost is sickening
I lust after happiness
The need to feel her everyday only grows
But yet she is somehow always just out of my reach
So I settle for her lover sadness instead
Occasionally happiness and I will hook up
But I always fall back into the arms of sadness
Every time that sadness takes me my thoughts drift to happiness
How I wish it was her instead of him
Maybe one day I will have the courage to take a hold of happiness and never let her go
But for now I will settle for the unsatisfying embrace that sadness has to offer

Fate calls on a cold summer eve.
Easing fourth I pretend that my dissatisfaction
Is a fruitful beacon.
My soul contends to rest in the shadow
Of hollow desire.

Rising from the hate buried deep
within,
I seek the path least taken to empty the blackness
That has become a focal point
In where my attention is affixed.

I turn lies into truths with the wave of hand.
Crafting chaos in disguise,
While exuding innocence with my eyes.

This is all just a plan that collapses
In Light,
To seek requiem in the twisted visions
Of the darkest corners of my mind.

Yes Mr. Hemingway you are right.
I have sat at this desk
and bled, but how much must I bleed
before I can cry?

All this time I have been distant,
and confused the stockpiling of distance
with strength. Pain, blinded me:
I could not see that instead I was building on weak foundations.
Everything collapsed.

Now I am strength-less and can break nothing,
and not myself.
I want so desperately to break these banks
which hold poisoned-water; to cleanse my mind
with my body. But they move awkwardly
past each other-
as if they were once close friends who have since drifted apart.
I need them to say:
Hey my friend
I have missed you;
why did we stand by and watch such a beautiful thing suffocate,
and die?
I need them to hold each other,
in an embrace to bring back to life all lost embraces - heads
in each other's shoulders,
as if heads and shoulders were only ever for this moment.
I need them to cry: relentlessly;
not a moment spared
for Sorry;
tears say enough.

So, I don’t remember the last time I did something extravagant and cheesy for you. I just kinda want to do something nice, that will let you know how much I care about you. So uhm, bring on the sappy romance?

"There must be something in the way you look at me- some days I feel like our eyes collide like a billon galaxies- there is so much going on, but I don’t ever want to look away.
Each glance is always mesmerizing, like the type of glimpse between two awkward summer lovers on the steepest of braes.

When I look into those eyes, do you know what I see? I see a second chance at life- a life that would be anything but mediocre, something that is meant to be cherished, to be shared.

(As cheesy as this sounds) I want nothing more than the share the love that I have for you, with the entire world. If I could scream it to the heavens, I would, but I’ll just whisper it in your ear, because my heaven is planted on this earth, two feet in front of me within arm’s reach.

Somedays I wonder if you know how much you truly mean to me. Because I am happy. Happiness tends to be lies shrouded in bitter smiles, but with you it’s this tangible thing. A thing with wings that could make even the darkest of souls sing.

I know it’s stupid. I know it’s stupid to get so attached to someone, especially to someone who could walk away within a matter of moments. Anyone can. I could blink, and you could be gone. So I’ll tape my eyes open and try not to sleep, because what if you’re not there next to me?

So here’s a few words from you to me- endless thoughts like a vivid dream- everything that I see. Everything I would like us to.

A reality.