I can't lose you.
        You mean too much to me.
                   But the tighter I hold on.
        The more my hands begin to burn.

I love you.
I want you.

        But maybe, I need to learn to let go.
                  I don't want to, but as I look down at my raw, red hands.
                  I realize that the tighter I cling.
                  The more damage I cause.
I won't lose you.

But maybe,
you will lose me.

I am painting
You asked me to
So here I am
Painting a field of air
As I unfold my brain
I feel the brush
Dust my thoughts
Knowing my abilities
Are nothing to be admired
So here
I am painting
For you
Because although I lack
I try for you

I, of course, was done with you
My poetry, on the other hand
She had, some of her own plans
Her own things to say, her own hurt to bleed
I said okay, I’ll hold you, until we breathe

soldiers are brave, they said,
how am I brave,
it is more of courage to take the risk,
because I fear every day,
I fear of never seeing my loves,
I fear the lost, I may cause to the nation,
this horror is what keeps me going,
facing the cruel, brutal war

Sometimes you need to be afraid in order to survive.

I just want to cry & let all my feelings out, but I think if I start crying I won't be able to stop.
Times are rough, & I know they'll get better eventually, but when would that be ?
Sometimes I just want to leave this place, but I don't want to leave no one behind.
I'm lost & confused most of the time.
This weight I carry, I can't take no more, It's too heavy & it keeps going up & down.
I need to escape, but where would I go ? Would I come back ?
I don't know how to feel towards anyone or anything.
I want to go back to my childhood but yet I never had one.
No one can hurt me no more, I just move on.
Sometimes I don't even have feelings & that scares me.
I'm scared of getting attached to people because I know they'll leave no matter our history.
I want to be myself, but I'm scared to.
I work on myself but I always end up where I started.
Some people tell me I'm strong, but they don't see the behind the scenes.
I feel bad for myself too much & I hate it, but there's nothing else to do but cry about it.
I have scars from the pain & they're visible.
I always end up spilling my heart out to the wrong people.
But I want to tell "EVERYTHING" to that one person, & see if they'll stay after.
I want to cry my eyes, heart, mind & soul out so I won't have to cry or hurt no more.

Letting go is accepting that something better is waiting for you on the other side.

It's realising that the person who, you hope, will take a bullet to the chest for you is actually the one behind the gun,

Even though you still have time to jump out the way you find yourself debating wether you even want to.

See, we very quickly forget that closeness is a lot more hurtful and damaging than we lead ourselves to believe.

It’s the valentines day morning in the kitchen alone with a cup of coffee, in your pink fluffy robe, fervently reminding yourself that the only love that matters is the one you give yourself yet you know that is a complete load of ****.

It feels cold outside but it’s really not, that’s just you.

Are you awake??? I feel like I am drowning. I am falling into a pool of tears. My heart feels empty as I write. What it wrong with me? Why do I do this? I am selfish with loneliness. I feel pain all around me. I don't want the pain to shape me. Somehow it seems to win. This pain is fulfilling. Why??? Not even I can explain. When will my tears dry up? I am furious with this out come. I just want to cry night and day. So my flooded pain can dissipate.