(1)
I have never caught
Beauty with a net by choice
But by sight instead

(2)
If the mind is fierce
The heart is hard to open
The eyes will say that

(3)
A poem is a
Story with more precise words
And a soft meaning

My heads so hard today
As I stare at my scars today
And maybe I'm afraid today
That tomorrow will be the same as today

I don't hear what you say today
So I won't change today
But maybe I'll scream today
Or maybe I'll bleed today

I will not win today
I will lose again today
This is my fault today
I have my fought today

I can't see to escape today
I'm stuck in place today
If I try to run today
I would chase the sun today

But tomorrow became today
And I choose to change today
I won't be the same today
I accept my pain today

I'll do my best today
To use what's in my chest today
My head will have a seat today
I won't be beat today

I am so bruised today
But at least I flew today
My wings were healed today
My fate was sealed today

I have to admit
I wanna slip
Into the dreams
In which
You remember me
Because it seems
When I wake up
You don't give a ****
It must be fair
That I don't care
So you walk by
Then I blink my eyes and time flys
And it bothers me
That I can't be what I wanna be
Or see what I wanna see
When it comes to you and me
It ended so drastically
And tragically
But unsurprisingly
I am both bound and free
To disagree
With me

My mind is diluted
And polluted
By the fact that I'm beaten
And the bruises keep forming
As my demons come for me
And I may seem to be deplorable
Maybe it's the chloroform
That makes me forget what I write for
But no matter where I hide
They will find me just in time
To keep me from trying
Trying to find
A place inside my mind
That is mine and only mine
So I just lay in defeat
Broken and beat
But I'm on the edge
Of a ledge
And I'm stuck here screaming
At the sun for beaming
When all I fear is the light
So bright
I want to hide out of sight
But I can't do that now
I have forgotten how
And it blows my mind
What I find
When the sun shines
And if I can't hide I'll run
I will run from the sun
Like a bullet from a gun
But it's no fun
It's not a game
Today's the same
As yesterday
And I'm ashamed
Can you save me
If I say please
Is it honestly
That **** easy
And if it was why is it not
Because as soon as I ask the magic stops
And now I'm doomed
To a life of gloom
And despair
******* it's not fair
But somewhere
And somehow
Some time other than now
I will find me
And I will find peace

It's 2:43 and I can't sleep
I close my eyes and I can't dream
It would seem to me
I'm going crazy
My mind is covered in a film so hazy
But I must be oh so lazy
For not fighting for a chance to raise me
And lift myself
I tell myself
I have nothing else
To turn to
I lost you
I always do
I always choose
To lose
The few
The truth is
I can't do this
I walk around clueless
To the facts
As a matter of fact
When you look at it like that
I'm fading into the past
As life flies past
And goes way to fast
I wanna crash
I'll come in last
Moments go by with a flash
And it's all I ask
Not to bask
In the rays
of a sun that will be taken away
And fade
As the dark runs away
And night overtakes the day
I was too late
To play
But now it's 3
And the harder I try to sleep
The faster my mind flees
And runs from me
I won't catch it tonight
So I'll just cry
And hope for sunlight
And pray to a god who just might
Listen to my unanswered prayers tonight

I'm pretending
I'm descending
In a pit of comprehending
Of why I'm condescending
And I'm infuriating
And debating
Whether its blood that I'm tasting
Or just the time that I'm wasting
But my head is made of lead
And I collapse as if I'm dead
The thunder is louder in my head
So I wanna go back to bed
I'm painfully painting
Frantically fading
Slightly saying
I'm definitely draining

I walk the same waters I once drowned in
When life ended I somehow rose again

My heart does not beat I live nonetheless
I am a human shell that still draws breath

I refuse to speak silence is a gift
I want to see but too afraid to live

I wish to write but cannot hold a pen
The paper is blank and the lines barren

I hide with my hands: my mouth, eyes, and ears
I read the same words that confirm my fears

I scream in the dark the world will not know
I hide in the drugs the pain will not show

The place I seek is cold
It's dark, damp, and silent
A place the devil sold
For it contains the most violent

Before I broke my mind
I could not find this place
Now the deed is signed
And it rests behind my face

I hear their screams and laughs
I can't tell what is true
My heart is torn in half
By beings, my mind had grew

Sometimes when I'm high I float
But not too far off the ground
But at times when I'm sober, I choke
I find it hard to keep the words down

Usually, it's not bad I don't even notice
Then I'm alone and it's all that I notice

These days I barely have a sober day
Afraid of the pain that doesn't exist
Lurking in the shadows barely at bay
I chased it away and yet it persists

I fight for no man yet I am fighting forever
In fear I plan yet I haven't put it together

I change on a whim and with no intent
You can't see when I see the loathing
I challenge the fact that I am spent
With a test that I myself had not chosen

Don't second guess the choice to choose
One slip of a tongue, the question is who's

I struggle with that fact
That I Mr. Sly
Have a target on my back
And everyone around me reacts
To the lack
Of hat tricks I have
But I can only score
Once more
Or so I think
I'm on the brink
Of desperation
The frustration
Is killing me
My mind is killing me
There's no healing me
Dopamine is my drug and its filling me
But it starts to flood
There's to much
I'm losing my mind with a brush
Of her lips
Its a kiss
Its a lie
In my mind
I scream I'm fine
But I realize
That's a lie
Its about time
I come to grips
With all of this
The blatant ticks
As the hands twist
But they do more than turn
They ****** and they burn
The grab and they yearn
For what is not theirs
With their mechanical gears
They latch on to my fears
I can feel their stares
Boring holes into my mind
Oh these hands of time