the ice coffee
I snuck in
late  this afternoon
red wine
I drank
with a robust
spaghetti sauce
not until
it was time to sleep
my eyes regretted
not being able to close
mind riddled and running wild
with unlaid plans
fanciful schemes
memories mostly hidden
from daylight
revelations leap
out from the dark
shadows
with every toss and turn
grudges
lain bare
with my uncovered legs
my only hope of absolution
remains in the desperate hope
to exhaustedly
dissolve  into dreamscapes
where regrets are simply keys
to opening
doorways
to subconscious delusions
that  make
some sort of sense
there
because
you tell them to

some say that death is a fate
not worthy of even
the cruelest of killers
yet here I am
waiting for the sweet release of death
from this world
which has left me only
in pieces
and in pain

you say, 'be careful with yourself'
i feel my hands shake
and I reply, 'I don't know how'

not even words can describe
the mess you make of me
with just one glance
one smile
one laugh

you were a dream turned
into the startling reality
that shattered my heart

for who could learn to
love something as broken
as me

I wish we would go stargazing
so you could see constellations,
while I admire the one right next to me

if i said "i love you"
nearly as much
as i said "i'm sorry"
maybe we could've been something.