Someday
I will be able to drive past
Dunfermline
Glasgow
Sheffield
Without remembering you.
They will just be,
Once again,
Places on a map
To which I have no connection.

Not that I have any
Tangible connection
To them now,
Of course.
It's just you.
Not that I have any
Tangible connection
To you either,
I suppose.

What a pity.

And maybe someday
I will be able to come home
Without hurting that
I am no longer coming home to you.
However much I wish
That weren't true.

Just unfriend me.
(*******.)
It's not like I get
Waves
Of missing you
Any more.

(They're more like tsunamis.)

I hope you not only
Delete my number
But block it too
So if I drunkenly
(Stupidly)
Text you
You won't get it.

(Because I still text you a lot.)

And I hope you and
The others
(Those *******)
Meet up in August.
Go to the Fringe;
Have fun.
And I hope you don't notice
My absence.

(Because I notice yours every day.)

I hope you bump into
My old uni bestie
(At Glasgow)
And don't remember
That you met her through me.

(I know exactly how I first met you.)

I hope you never see
My post in halls
(If it still gets sent there)
Again.
Never see my name
Again.

(Every time I order take away I see yours.)

I hope you can look
Her in the eye.
(Never tell her another lie.)
Love her.
Hold her.

(Like you'll never do for me.)

And oh -
Something else.
I hope you burn
With pain
And hurt
And anger
And I don't wish you ill,
But ******* hell
I do not wish you well.

I hope your tsunamis of
Depression
Remind you of me
And of how well I knew you
And of how fighting with me
Used to make you feel
Better about yourself and

I hope to all the Gods in all the worlds
That it kills you inside.

I knock on your door.
Lean back against the wall.
Wait.

You answer.
Smile.
Hi.

You hold the door,
Let me walk past you.
But before it swings shut

I am pressed against the wall
And your lips are everywhere.
My legs around your hips

You kiss me
Down my neck
Over the mark he left.

Mine.
Yours.
Forever.

And I can see stars
In your eyes
Ad infinitum.

And I can see scars
On your arms
Bleeding.

And you lean back slightly
Breathless
And our horizons meet

As the sky splits open.
Together
But not forever.

Lights over Dundee
Will no longer be ours
And far-flung dreams

Like this one
Will never happen.
Skinny love;

I've been calling for months now
And you never left any messages.
You've got some kind of nerve
Taking me now.

You never gave me a choice
When it came to who I fell for.
Of course it would be you,
You sad piece of beauty.
You, who I could spend time with
Always, for the rest of my life.
I've got a picture of you in my mind
And I hope it never fades;
One of you in all your imperfection,
Because, darling, I do see your flaws too.
I’m not blinded by you.
You’re not dazzling in any way, but
I hope I never lose that feeling I get
When you text me first.
And the thing is,
I’ve always thought that all love does
Is end

But with you
It’s never going to start.
You’re already in love with someone else,
So we can’t even fall apart.
I can’t even hurt properly.
I can’t even hate you,
I can’t even come away with a
Cute story
To tell my daughter.

Hey
Remember that time
You told me,
"I don't know what I'd do
If you weren't around."

Hey
Remember that time
You told me,
"I wouldn't have made it through
Last year without you."

Hey
Remember that time
You told me,
"Please don't. Please don't.
Please don't **** yourself."

Because I do.
And now we don't talk.
And I listen to a playlist
That reminds me of you.
And I cry.

Hey.
Don't mind me.
I just wanted to tell you
That it takes everything in me
Not to call you.
Nothing important.
I just wanted to ask,
Please forgive me
When I bump into you
And can't resist sending you something.
Please don't ever reply.
Because we were such a mess;
I'm much happier this way.
But yet, in my dreams,
Your face is buried in the crook of my neck
And you're asking me
If I want to try again with you.
And there is a sliver of meat in my heart
That beats for you;
That longs for me just to press 'call'
And it really does take all of my energy
To call him instead.

(Because I hope you know that,
If you're wishing I'd pop up on your screen,
If you're almost calling me,
I'm almost calling you, too.

But you're probably not.
So don't ever reply to me.
Don't you dare.)

Staring at your name is
Green at the end of a dock on the other side of a bay.

Nights in the kitchen are
Yellow like a monster's skin.

My lipstick stain on your cheek is as
Red as a letter on my shirt.

Fighting with you is
Black like thick blood, clotting on a London street.

Your eyes match my eyes;
Blue as an evening party.

Our love was as violent as
Violet, tying her hair up with a thought.

And shame was
Grey, like Oliver's porridge.