i grew up in a stressful, painful childhood. no one understood how hurt i am and what i feel from time to time. i sit in a dark room and look up at the ceiling and think ' whats my purpose for being here.' i have many people who care for me but i just sit back and push them away because i dont know who is really true to stick by me and whos just playing me ready to walk away.

is it worth it to self harm ? is it safe to run into the dark ? is it okay to block everything out of your life and do whatever you want because you know that no one matters to you anymore? Every day i sit around my house by myself and wonder how many people truly care and love me. when something good happens to me i think its just a dream and it doesnt mean anything. i look around the world everyday and wonder why everyone is so happy and why cant i be happy like them.

my dad left me when i was younger , i saw when he beat my mother and i just sat there and cried because i was just a young boy. my mom thinks im a disappointment because of everything ive done to the family. she wants nothing to do with me. i feel like why was i born if i have no purpose on earth. maybe i do have a purpose and maybe i just dont know it but when i find my purpose ill finally be free. ive runaway from home , ive done drugs , ive been caught , why dont i just face the fact that im a **** up and no one wants to deal with me anymore..

stumbling home
in the evening
with my breath
smelling of cheap beer
and cigarettes;
people worry,
I tell them not to;
I do this for me,
not for attention
or sympathy,
I do this to feel
more alive,
because I feel so
dead inside
and my thoughts
are racing;
drinking shuts them up
for a couple of hours
and I feel better;
I feel sick,
but I also feel
great,
like I can do anything;
like nothing can hurt me;
is this what death
tastes like?
god,
I hope so