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fray narte Oct 2021
My own skin — a skin that’s worn me out, I have scrubbed it raw and dry like a sorry imitation of Capitoline Venus, but statues manage to crumble so quietly, draped in wood dust and without so much as a heartbeat. And girls like me don’t know yet the weight of the things they have to lose: such as, 100 pounds — all bones, and coffee breaths, and yesterday's light straying, forgetting, falling off.

Now it has buried itself.
fray narte Oct 2021
I am made of quiet storms washing themselves away.
fray narte Oct 2021
i feel myself in gradual decay with all these hoarded sorrows: a bad habit i inherited from my mom, embellished with my own kind of crazy, my own kind of lonely. my own kind of wasting away. i am half a sigh away from breaking. i am half a word away from being the next dead poet. how can some things, so small, carry such gravity? how can some things, so unremarkably quiet, carry something as heavy as my weighted skin, something as breakable as my resigned bones?

i have written so many poems; out they flow so heavily. out they flow like liquid lead. yet i remain full. i remain immovable. i remain a contradiction. i feel myself in gradual decay, unrelenting. in place. in the agony of total awareness.

and the air remains heavy — it remains heavy with all of me.
fray narte Oct 2021
For the longest time, I've had the bad habit of making sure that I'm the one who hurts myself the most. I made sure to self-inflict twice the amount of pain I feel. I made sure to run scissors over where it hurts the rawest. I made sure that my own hands leave the deepest cuts. I am in control, I am in control, I am in control, or so I thought. In misery, I have forgotten — that there was a choice of not hurting, that there was a choice to heal.
fray narte Oct 2021
Sweet one, do I still owe you the same dreams?

I've grown kinder and gentler — inward. I've stepped out of my bruises, barefoot and cleansed: a mortal girl out of ***** foam. I've learned to soften the aching. I've learned to let go of things, including who I wasn't meant to be. I am no longer you. I am no longer your failures. Why then, do I still feel the need to chase the distant dreams you wished for? Is it because I still want them somehow — or because I feel like I owe those dreams to someone I no longer am?
fray narte Oct 2021
Her eyes resemble
a fading filmstrip
left in the bottom drawer of our wardrobe
next to a lilac dress I’ve outgrown
and the rest of unrecognizable memories.

Her bones poke
like a yellow flower barrette on my scalp,
a sharp pencil on a tender wound,
a hand of a neglected child burying
anguish on the skin of another.

Her mouth has grown
poems too soft for my hands to hold;
i try to lie with them, a blister beneath her tongue
where your name now resides
and washes away
the sweet perils of a love like ours,

her chest, now its graveyard
that she no longer visits.
It has turned into a museum
of the things she’s built with you.

Limbs, hands, fingers —
All delicate things I wish I had — was
instead repel finality
in ways ugly,
in ways desperate,
in ways this poem can never soften.
But some things are made for ending,
Some bodies, for leaving,
Some hearts, for breaking
Some grief, for feeling in all the other places
and in all the other parts
where she once laid her kisses:
now just quiet, empty skin
aching, under the colder half
of October’s distant breath.


10/01
My anatomy still learns to forget
about the love it swore to remember.
fray narte Sep 2021
peonies in soft decay — petal after petal
i've always looked my worst in the brightest, straying light,
and darling, it knows.

the dying world knows
who comes down to visit. to rot. to stay:

peonies in soft decay —
petal after petal

this kind of softness is an ugly one,
horrific under my thumbs,
a wet, brown, mush.

peonies in soft decay —
and darling, they know, the dying world knows:
i miss having flowers to taint —
petal after petal

after petal.
fray narte Sep 2021
1
my spine is a bridge that burns —
bones most breakable, like memories of
driftwoods
collected as a kid,
i now feed to a bonfire
of blistered cyclamens.

2
my spine is a bridge
of no certain grandeur
nor history.
it burns away
and falls,
quietly in the night,
like an unknown laborer.

some of us die this way.

3
the reason for this poem
evades me,
but the heart must write of its sorrows
undisclosed to the soul.
they remain to be
unrecognized parts
of a burning town.

4
now, i speak in tongues
unfamiliar to myself.
i write a poem i'm bound to forget.
i stand in the baptism
of a child i do not know.
i do it anyway.

5
i bring her driftwoods
from the water, mourning under
a burning bridge;
soon the last beam falls apart
and i fall apart
in a forgettably graceless light
this: a sorrow with no name,
i write it anyway.

this: a sorrow undisclosed.
i tell it anyway.

this: a sorrow unrecognized.
i feel it anyway.
fray narte Sep 2021
the dusk wastes its pity on me. in its muted retiring lights, i have learned a terrible habit of forcing poems out of my mouth,
when maybe all i wanna do is be as quiet as the wounds nesting inside my head.
fray narte Sep 2021
pandora opens her chest at midnight:
it is a box left out in the rain,
a wound unstitched in despair for october,
a small voice hushed by forlorn hours.

and dead gods forget so easily,
but
pandora still opens her chest at midnight
and the walls huddle to look at an ugly wound
left open to bleed all over
dusty pink cosmos flowers.
and drapes huddle, too,
to look at a nest of sorrows creeping about,
as though a wake, a vigil,
a somber watch that only ends
with all of my bones breaking.

but dead gods forget so easily,
and dead girls forget so easily,
and i forget so easily
all the aching hours that had kissed my skin
and their graceless, moonlit pull,
and i am left to lie
languishing on soft, breakable spots.

and so pandora closes her chest:
a box to never be opened, a vault behind a frame.
a flash of stray light on a wound sealed shut. safe. secure.
there is no space for conspicuous melancholies.
there is no space for anything —
there is no space for hope.

and the gods forget so easily.
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