She is his Cosette

and I

his

Eponine.



A little fall of rain can

hardly hurt me now

but you can–-

you have—

my love.



–The Miserable

i know that empty space
the hologram earth she inhabits
in what could have been
what never was
a hollow heaviness of
that excruciating longing
a waterfall of curses falling from
her lips and disappearing
into that yawning chasm
that consumes her until
she is no more than a shell containing
a love she can't let go of
for without the full weight
of her entirely spent body is
the only force which keeps her yearning
pinned to the ground
stationary
real
a love she can reach out and touch
and fuse with it until it is impossible
to disentangle her very being
from a made-up
idealized love that somewhere in her mind
burns brightly
and casts dancing shadows on
the walls of her minds
scenes of his closeness
the feeling of his palm cupping her face
melting

and it is more than that warmth
that gushes forth from
her chest as he holds her
she's bleeding on his shirt
and she imagines her red blood cells
setting into the fabric
the stain of her existence to be carried
forever
on his lapel

how she heard the people sing
but could they have known
that this entire business
the fighting
and revolution
had nothing to do with
politics or some
misplaced surge for justice
the fight was for her freedom
to solidify her shadow world
where she belonged to him

and somehow as she pulls
her last breaths
and watches her blood stain
spread and spread
she wished to consumed him
his kiss on her face
lingered forever
her final memory
the epitaph on a tomb
that represented the ultimate freedom.

Little does he know,
Little does he notice;
A flower yet to sow,
Unwanted like jaundice.

When will my voice be heard?
When will I be out of soak?
It’s like saying to the Lord,
“If only I can touch his cloak.”

He merely sees me more
For he seeks me as company.
Spreading like sore
In my heart, it is him only.

I wish I could steal him away
So no one else can interfere.
Please, by my side he’ll stay,
Don’t take him as I fear.

How I dream he’d be in my arms,
Holding me so tight.
Alas, it’s just a dream that harms
My reality as it might.

Who does he seek for forever?
Oh, it’s not me, I bet.
Or if he does, I’ll savor
What Fate has made and set.

Alas, here’s my downfall,
Together with its pangs of pain.
Seems I’m not the apple the eye after all.
Okay, my heart is sealed again.

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own