5/17/20 You did not believe in a future I saw so clear that only existed of me and you The walls of our world slowly slipped away and bared the ugly truth Behind your intentions there were not true Love is love but no one knows what it really was Not you Your love was not love and that’s okay I am not angry with you I can’t even be disappointed Because what was there was there and now it’s gone That’s the beauty of moving on I can not stay in a place I do not belong I will not stay in our universe I knew so well You were not the person I thought you were I never lied I need you to know I never lied about how I felt but maybe that’s why I was here To show you my kind of love is pure Seasons are seasons and they eventually change Spring turned into winter and I never knew when to leave But now I know, I know now I have to go Because I can not stay in a place I do not belong Lessons, you were a lesson I’m still trying to learn There was never a future you made me believe that now But I wanted to believe it so bad I wanted to believe I wanted to believe I wanted to believe Please believe I wanted to believe I am a broken person that only knows how to give love but I will not be her anymore I want to be selfish and I deserve that more than you would ever know But you don’t care anymore You don’t care if I leave I love you I will continue too I give love where it’s not due Because that is who I am I have to accept who I am And what is not meant for me I can not hold onto I’m done Fighting for love Fighting myself Fighting you to love me and that’s not how it works Be happy Even though you killed me be happy and prosper This will be my last time No This will be our last time Because I can not stay where I have been and in due time it’ll be okay
I want to become the most beautiful version of myself. That is all that matters now.
5/9/20 7:54 am And nothing else quite mattered The universe around me didn’t exist Not that it cared to know that I existed And I realize I put my heart into treasures of the world And that is what I could describe what love is to me Because it’s hard to let go of words written so beautifully, I suppose The scent of my hair filled the air as I took deep breaths to avoid the tears With each rip of the brittle, old letter, I ripped matter apart, and ripped at the atoms of my heart It fluttered symphonically below and returned back to dust just like us There... The earth still rotated in an universe that never knew we exist
3:08 a.m. 4/25/20 I’ve painted you in colors of the rainbow It reflected every mood that you had put me in I loved it I was spiraling downwards on the color orange It was getting too hot before it even started That’s a hazard And here I am again... Coloring you in black and shades of grey Because everything you have shown was in a haze A void that’s refusing to give You soaked up my white There is bad intentions in your meanings behind your words Not everyone’s intentions are pure Yet, I thought you were different But, I could count how many times I’ve etched that into a poem So, they say the sky is blue and it cries sometimes So, where do I go with this water color blue? Who do I give it too? Not you. I know better now Painting a picture mixed with red, blue and yellow turns out to be unappealing It was never serious This was never serious You were never serious But I was All my shades of blues never counted Thoroughly disappointed I smeared the color red with my fingers I bleed from the color of love Of what I think love is Oh how I give Yellow was always suppose to be mines It was the most beautiful like the sunshine That is what I thought I meant in your life Yet, when the colors of the rainbow mold into one How did black come and tainted my work of art