I just wish that I could be understood. Just because I can't hear, people automatically write me off as a human being, someone less than them, someone that could never be an equal, dumb, flawed, broken. because of something entirely out of my control, I can't be included. As much as I try to control things, I can't control this. Things are one sided, I make the effort to communicate but others don't want to take the challenge, waste their time or don't even want to bother. Perhaps they are afraid. I become afraid too when I encounter this time and time again. This recurrent cycle almost makes me lose my identity and want to give up hope. I don't give up though I grow weary. I count my losses of what could have been and forge on. It makes me sad to see a possible flourishing friendship, of what could be, only to have it dashed or doomed from the start. It's very difficult to be left out, to experience only a fraction of the world and I know what I'm missing out on. Should I mourn it or try to keep swimming in the abyss of it all? I struggle to find another way, a loophole or have a tiny glimpse of a world I know I can never fully be a part of. On the outside looking in. I will always give people a chance, a chance to prove me wrong and a chance to be a friend. I can see, I can feel, I can sympathize and I bleed. I can laugh, I can cry, I can love. Often times though, I'm seldom ever given a small chance just because I can't hear. That really hurts me because then what do I do?

I am 'cause of what I'm not
and I want love, y'know, a bit of
everything and nothing at all
and, well, I want myself back.

I want to want myself.
I want to be myself.
I want to connect.
I want to LISTEN, but
why do I have to be so ******* deaf?

I'm in the backseat now,
behind the wheel, but I can't
hear where we're going

Could you turn it down?
I don't think they heard me.
Nice clouds, pretty trees,
I like the gradient of the sky.

Up and up the elevator and
I'm so tired of your words falling
shattered on my ear drums
as they translate into
polyrhythmic fuckery
and I'm left struck dumb
and scrambling for the downbeat

buzzing lights and whirring wires
humming fans and the squealing
of brakes from 16 floors down

sirens blind my mind's eye and
down on the streets I'm losing your words
like a fat pig chasing an anarchist
black mask, no idea
out of breath

Gah! Whisper in my ear, please.
I just want to climb all the hills and
valleys of your words and swim in
every nuance of their inflection

I just want to be a gift
Present, and able to
unwrap your song

to all my co poets here on HELLO POETRY
I like to thank all of you for all the responses on my poems about blindness.
it made me feel so good that I decided to write one this morning
about DEAFNESS.
I hope this will touch you as it touched me
when I was writing it.         BLESSINGS POETLOU


          No such thing as handicapped                             (9/23/14)

Born deaf and not a sound to be heard
Sign language was her only words
Longing to hear any sound at all, even the bouncing of a ball
To know what it would be like to hear a robin sing
And the sounds of early spring.
She learned to read lips and could feel the vibrations of musical sounds.
The sensitivity in her fingers had gotten so good
That the music she understood.
She found that the guitar vibrations she could feel more
And it opened up a brand new door.
Her mother saw the joy that the guitar did bring
So she bought a guitar with everything.
The amplified speakers did rock the floor
Even through her closed door.
She learned to play guitar and write music too
And showed the other children just what to do.
Soon afterwards she created a band in the
SCHOOL FOR THE DEAF and showed others that there is no such thing
As HANDICAPPED, and that only happens when you turn your back.
               HOPE, FAITH, LOVE