I'm emotionally sectioned, yet I still perceive all your calls and beckons. Why? Why do I feel the need to please you, with every action that I do, and how does this doubt I have still seep through?
Pain... Pain is the periodical assault into my neuroqurtex, in other words I'm trapped into this vortex that is you. But that's my fault, for this, this is a self inflicted issue.
I broke down when I wrote down my feelings on parchment and paper surrounded by haters that laugh when I cry, and I'm emotionally bound so when my tears start flowing and they start gawking, I wish they would all just die. But looking back at my previous issues and problems I realized I'm stronger because I have solved them. Strong enough to write this for you, explain my feelings I have twords you, yet this is all my fault, I should have for warned you.
You pieced me together. Made me realize that no matter the weather I'm stronger that ever. Hell, with your pretty smile and eyes and a few thought out actions made me realize that my thought processes should be compromised.
Love... Love is the longing of volatile emotions. Love makes my heart warped like a cataclysmic contortion, yet without your love  my life is no better than an abortion! Like I said before, I feel the need to please you, but if you don't have these feelings that I do, like a golem I'll be standing, waiting silently.
But you've enchanted me. Now I have to revert to fantasy, live life like it will never be a reality. So I sit down and write out using verbs and pronoun's to describe how I feel now. These words... They may never reach you, but to be honest, I could never muster up the weakness to mistreat you. Compassion is my guiding action, no selfish thoughts or evil plans hatching. But I must be respectful and I pray these actions I take never make you resentful. That's the truth... and if the truth hurts then the truth works, and since I'm stuck here astonished how could I not be brutally honest.
When its all said and done if its too much just tell me, because its your cross hairs that took aim and fell me, because its your captivating glance that withheld me, and I get it I'm a tad bit subsonic, but when it comes to my emotions I know that I'm on it. That's my piece, no yelling or screaming, like a golem I'll be standing, waiting silently.

I did underground fighting in my twenties.
I wasn't one for fists but two machetes.
The rules were you could only slice,
without damage such as their eyes.
Stabbing was out-lawed as blood would fly.

I could somersault and twirl around,
I would tire opponents that were bound.
The rule was just one slice for the victor,
I took it easy on the losers with a tiny finger
simply, a little bit sliced not needing stiches.

I only did it for the money and my demons
but truthfully not the blood was my intention
Just the fame and a win with just one slice
They called me The Machine, kinda nice.

Someone once said to me, to live forever,
You have to be a warrior or a writer.

I wish I could erase the thumping,
when I go to hospital of the beats.
I get in immediately,
in a  wheel chair.
I feel sorry for the patients,
In the horrible corridors
that didn't abuse their bodies
like  it wasn't fair.
167 beats a minute,
taking my blood,
and an xray.
The pain below my heart
I can always feel with a finger,
is my liver that's being destroyed.

I hope it will be soon.
I never wanted to live
past the age of fifty.
I will and I will refuse
A new liver to survive.

I just want out of here.
This world was built of fear,
but I feel nothing but for the children,
who will have to live like hens.

And who knows but I know.
and it ******* kills me.

Moon soot

There is a citrine moon
hanging in
a starless
sky.
It eclipses
over
the tops
of trees
the dirt,
grass
and every
hollow thing
that roams
during a night
like this

It looks as if
it waters
everything,
that is dark
with crystal
tears, to feed
this twisted
valley.

I long to touch
all the darkness
that's shattered
across the places
one dares
not
to
go.

Where whispers
have
no
echoes.
Where
your
soul
is
wrapped
around
my
own.

The deepest
parts
of your
mind
that
are
hidden
beneath
the rug,
sheets
and
bed.

Let me
roll around
in your
dirt
and
wet
red clay.

Spread my hands
to touch
things that are
too afraid to
seek
the
piercing
light.

I want
to cover
my
body
in
your soot.

Get
my hair
matted
with ash
that's been
left
behind
in
your
lungs.
From all
the years
you've smoked.

Darling,
you've
embraced
the shadow
that's a part
of what
makes me
still
your
woman.

Now
I won't
let
fear
stand
at the
gate

I welcome
it in
the toad,
and
driftwood.

Let me
in the
puddles
of mud
where
you hide
from
even
yourself.
There,
we
can
be
whole.

Its the impossible mission
to be with my girl-friend,
I have have to totally
wipe out the other family.

I arrive at the mansion,
there are at least 30 guards,
I see a window that is open,
I'm guessing opened by a child
who wanted the fresh breeze.

I  silently pop four arriving guards,
and lift up this window
A little girl is reading dis-armed
She's been called for dinner.

I tell her that I won't hurt her
just go to the family room,
My vision is becoming a blur
The red blood from a broom.

I arrive with the daughter,
the head boss stops slurping
all of his lasagna

He knows who I am,
He murdered my family
He pleas for his kids,
I'm not here for your lambs.

I would have killed him there,
but how can I in front of a family,
I made a deal with this man,
Protect my girlfriend
and you will never have to run.

Sometimes, you have to keep your enemies
close and make a cold deal not so easily.

These idiot mafia fiends
are drinking in the playground,
Great role models the kids see,
as they see them fondly find
the **** little thing called a car key.

I wait patiently
under an oak tree,
They finally move on.
I'm thinking
of a future son,
with my girlfriend.

Getting out,
is not so easily.
They'll give me,
an impossible mission.

I follow them about 1000 meters
and then I stand patiently,
and head pop all these creatures,
who mean nothing to me.

I swing past in circles
dodging the bullet hell,
and sneak behind a pillar,
This room won't be my cell.

I use a small mirror to see my foes,
and rapidly take them out,
One piercing bullet bursts a nose
I quickly take out the others about.

Try sneaking on this professional,
my twisting flows are like ballet,
spinning round with an after-glow
Blood flows like mayo in my salad.

Forgive me, oh father,
I have just killed a man,
and I don't feel bothered
and emotions don't run.

Am I psychotic
with blood thirst?
Or a realist
simply dealing the hurt?

My contracts can run hot
with a challenge to my eyes,
I have scars where I've been shot,
but I fire back with no cries.

Blood frenzy, oh father,
A demon is within,
An omen to my mother,
Confessing my sins.