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D Apr 11
Juke box playing
Triggering memory
There’s rain falling sideways
Reminds me of misery.

Another drink of the green
Chase the fairy, in a land of make-believe
Anywhere I can roam,  a place that I can go
Escape the tendrils of reality.

Bruised lips kiss the bottle --
Hoping it can save the pain,
Bible recitals, hoping verses can absolve again
There’s a black box full of secrets
Crashing into the greenery, a lost plane,

“Help me,” scribbled down on a napkin,
A careless sigh from the bar-keep, handing me an aspirin
Demons lean in whisperin’,
Won’t listen, no, can’t let them in.

Dance floor neon -
Calling like a moth to flame,
I’ll let it all loose, let my mind reframe.
But the blood on my hands doesn’t wash
I see her within the stains.

“What did I do? How do I stop?”
I ask in vain
Juke box playing,
Triggering a memory.
Rain falling sideways--
Reminds me of her misery.
One of the things I took up as a hobby was criminal psychology, i like true crime and all of that stuff, so this was a piece that was in my journal that started out with me trying to get in the mind of a remorseful killer, pure fantasy, born out of my love for criminal psych and true-crime
Once, far away, Andalusia of time.
Was I, this dreamer, this student of crime.
Devouring textbooks with a gluttonous glee.
Of masters I conversed with, with lives like movies.
FBI-profilers, psychopathologists.

Faces carved from paleo-lithic stone.

The hearts of sailors betrayed by Triton.
Their ill-fitting suits an anarchists cry.

Oh blessed hearts long since buried in the plots,
of victims whose killers would never see man’s courts.
Who knew the world and hoped to teach I,
this fresh young prey with a predator’s eye.
This fresh young prey with a predator’s eye.

Sat I with the masters, in those secret little rooms
where the dead are shuffled to have chosen for them a grave.

And it’s never more real than when the beast sits still.
In the agonising ordinary glow of the halogen buzz
that shines on guilty and innocent alike.

To reduce us all to such pathetic things.

That if not for the debt, this creature’s crimes
one could pity being on such obscene display.
If it were not known to me, in great detail
the river of misery and depravity he had left in his wake.

As a mugshot robs the aura, so too the well lit room.

And I understood why it took a much colder mind.

As even though I possessed all the faculties which
could follow and track and trap the prey;
the predator must also ****.

And being in those secret little rooms
I knew I could not see it through.

I left it to those stronger than I
and leave my mark through other designs.
A poem on reflection of my time at uni studying a double degree in science of psychology/criminology and criminal justice.

— The End —