In order to achieve results
You need to work hard
That should be easy enough to understand
The difficult part, though
Is how hard you need to work
Especially when it comes to Recruitment
You see, the nature of the profession is such
That you can't predict anything
Because everything depends on people
And every individual is different and unique
In his/her own and special way
Thus, luck is very crucial
When it comes to hiring people
There are times
When you work out of your skins
And still fail to achieve the desired results
Because luck is not on your side
There are also times
When you do the bare minimum of work that's required
And are able to achieve positive results
Because you are kissed by Lady Luck
On both cheeks
These contrasting scenarios are common
When it comes to hiring Investment Bankers
You spend the entire day calling people
But very few show interest
And apart from those who are not keen
There are quite a few
Who don't even bother to answer your calls
Or call you back
There are also some people
Who say "I will think about it and get back"
Either they get back with a negative response
Or they don't get back at all
That is to say, they just disappear!!
Thus, you have to start all over again
And since you also have tight deadlines
You are forced to work almost till midnight
And sacrifice a few hours of sleep as well
Since you have to go to office the very next day
And it does not end there
Your work forces you to stay at office till 7 PM
Almost an hour later than usual
And to add insult to injury
You get a mild reprimand
From the security staff
Of the business centre which houses your office
For not leaving on time
If you thought the worst was over
Then you were wrong
Because you are forced to work on Sunday as well
In order to ensure
That at least one resume is sent to the client
At the start of the week to follow
If only if you had some luck
That is to say
If even one of the candidates who had said "No"
Had said "Yes" instead
Then you'd have enjoyed a weekend free of work
And got some valuable rest in the process
For all your efforts of the previous week
Yes, in order to achieve results
You do need to work hard
But how hard you need to work
Is something that is almost impossible to answer
When it comes to Recruitment
Particularly when you are hiring Investment Bankers

Failure hurts, no doubt
Especially when you are in Recruitment
A profession which depends on people
As much as India used to depend on Sachin Tendulkar
In the late nineties
But you know what hurts more than failure?
Imagine a T20 match
Where your team has dominated
From start to finish
And still managed to end up on the losing side
Due to a couple of bad *****
From your best bowler
In the very last over
Now, apply the same analogy to Recruitment
You have put your heart and soul
Into a particular mandate
Done a thorough search, through various portals
Called up as many candidates as possible
Presented quality profiles to the client
And lined up interviews one after the other
Everything has been worked out
To the tiniest detail
However, at the eleventh hour
The candidate backs out
Thus, you have no choice
But to start all over again
And this happens not once
Not twice
Not even thrice
But a frigging four times
However, you are no ordinary recruiter
You are a recruiter who possesses the heart of a lion
Thus, you prepare yourself for the long haul
Determined to do whatever it takes
To close this mandate, once and for all
And your efforts do pay off
Or at least, they seem to
For the client, it is a choice
Between two worthy candidates
However, as always, there is a hitch
One of the candidates has started showing signs of cold feet
While the other has to take a pay cut
That too a big one
This mandate now hangs on a knife-edge
So, it is not failure that hurts the most
But coming within an inch of success
After months of hard work
Only to have it slip through your fingers
At the very last minute

After a thoroughly enjoyable weekend
Which involved watching an animated science fiction thriller
Followed by a Football World Cup Final
Which turned out to be even more thrilling
I had to face the dreaded prospect
Of returning to work on a Monday
Yes, the notorious villain of the week
Which can ensure sleepless nights
Even for the strongest souls
Well, the day was actually not that bad
To begin with, at least
After a hot bath
Followed by an even hotter cup of filter coffee
Prepared by my dear mother, as ever
I had a simple breakfast
Consisting of a plate of chapatis
Mixed with some rather tangy marmalade
Thus, I was ready
To face the grind of work
Or at least, I thought I was
The reality turned out to be as different
As apples and oranges
It started with a few phone calls
However, the response was not flattering
Thus, I headed to lunch
In the hope of making some progress
In the second half of the day
However, I couldn't have been more wrong
The phone calls failed to achieve their purpose
As I was unable to obtain slots
For the interviews to be scheduled
Moreover, I was dealing with multiple stuff
At the same time
Which proved to be even more difficult
Than obtaining a seat in one of the IIMs
Time was playing a cat-and-mouse game with me
The closer I got to him
The more he would evade me
As the hours flew by
I kept meandering aimlessly
Without achieving anything tangible
By the time I finally got the hang of work
It was already well past 6 PM
And I felt as though I had wasted more time
Than a certain Sunil Gavaskar had done
In his infamous innings of 36 not out, off 175 *****
In the inaugural 1975 Cricket World Cup
Thus, I was thoroughly relieved
When the day finally ended
Returning to work on a Monday
Especially after a thoroughly enjoyable weekend
Is never good
Full stop

Recruitment is an utterly thankless job
Especially if you are handling an Investment Banking role
That too when working in a startup
You spend hours and hours
Searching frantically for candidates
Who possess the requisite skills and experience
Followed by days and days
Speaking to a plethora of candidates
Facing rejection after rejection
Watching your own confidence nosedive
After almost every conversation
And then gritting your teeth and continuing to burn the midnight oil
After you finally manage to share a few relevant resumes
By the skin of your teeth
You breathe a sigh of relief
Knowing that your job is half done
Everything runs smoothly from thereon
Till the offer stage
When the candidate decides to back out
Having received a better offer elsewhere
And you are back to square one
However, you resume the search
With a renewed vigour
And put your heart and soul
Into finding a suitable replacement
Your efforts are duly rewarded
However, misfortune strikes again
The candidate develops cold feet
And gets retained by his present company
You have to go back to the drawing board, yet again
However, you refuse to give up
And work harder than ever
Determined to be third time lucky
Alas! Fate turns its back on you, yet again
The client proves to be a tad too miserly
Thus pushing your candidate away
However, you continue to resist bravely
Against all odds
Determined to prove a point
More to yourself, than anyone else
However, history repeats itself
For the fourth time in a row
And you are left bruised and battered
In the face of a year full of bad luck
Which has brought you a record seven backouts
And all you can do now
Is to pray, and keep praying
For 2022 to end as soon as possible
Recruitment, is indeed an utterly thankless job

After hours and hours
Days and days
Weeks and weeks
And months and months
Of sheer hard work
You would have hoped
To achieve at least one closure
In a year
That has been disappointing at best
And abysmal at worst
With backouts becoming as common
As India beating Pakistan in a Cricket World Cup
However, Lady Luck disappoints you
For the third time in a row
As the sheer miserliness of your client
Pushes your candidate away
And it is ultimately you
Who ends up being the loser
But that's not the worst part
The worst part is
Having to start all over again
With a rather limited pool of candidates
Still, it is not in your nature to give up
Especially after having come this far
So, you make a concerted effort
To find fresh candidates
And after a lot of searching
Followed by a lot of calling
You finally land a good candidate
But the client rejects him in a flash
Undeterred, you continue searching
However, the already limited pool of candidates
Starts shrinking rapidly
And just when you're about to lose hope
You manage to find a decent profile
However, the client rejects this as well
Quicker than the speed of light
And with every rejection
Your confidence dips
Slowly but surely
Until you can stand it no longer
And scream at the top of your voice
"Investment Banking Hiring Is Not For Me!"

Recruitment is like walking on a tightrope
You have to maintain your balance
Every minute, every second
While different people try to distract you
From different sides
The candidates, the clients
And finally, the boss
One mistake and it will be the end for you
You may think I'm being overly dramatic
But trust me, you'll soon understand
Handling multiple roles
For multiple clients
And speaking with multiple candidates
Is enough to send your brain into a tizzy
And cause your heart to beat
Way faster than what is considered normal
When you successfully close a role
It is considered "all in a day's work"
On the other hand, when something goes wrong
You're on the chopping block right away
Recruitment is indeed like walking on a tightrope
But it is also a tug-of-war
In which you get pulled from three sides
Yep, you guessed it
The candidates, the clients and the boss
A war in which there is only one loser
And that is you
I am sorry for being such a killjoy
But I believe in laying before you
The harsh realities of this profession
Rather than giving you any false hopes
After all, as a famous professor and wizard once said
"Numbing the pain will make it worse when you finally feel it"

Hiring For Investment Banking roles
Is like wading through a swamp
At first, it may appear as easy
As winning the French Open is, for Rafael Nadal
Since there is a decent pool of candidates
Waiting to be tapped into
However, as the old cliche goes
Appearances are deceptive
There are numerous pits
In the form of various factors
That influence the interest levels
Of each and every candidate
Such as, the job location
The salary
The bonus payout
The appraisal cycle
The scope of the role
The reporting manager
The brand
And most importantly, the work culture
It requires a truckload of skills
As well as a fat lot of luck
To maneuver your way through the swamp
And successfully avoid these pits
Which lurk in the shadows
Waiting to catch you unawares
One slip-up, and you may lose a candidate
Every time that happens
You'll find yourself sinking into the mud
Slowly, but surely
The harder you try to escape
The deeper you end up sinking
By the time you find that "perfect candidate"
Your face is all that will remain above the surface
And the only thing that can save you
Is the client uttering the magic words
"This position is now on hold"

Two days of hard toil
Searching through portal after portal
Company after company
And speaking to candidate after candidate
And what I am left with
Is nothing
Absolutely nothing to show for my efforts
One candidate doesn't find the role exciting enough
Another candidate loses interest
After hearing the name of the client
The next one is not looking for a job in the first place
For the one that comes after
Relocation turns out to be a deal breaker
And the rest of them are simply too busy
Too busy to even pick up the **** phone
However, I decide to keep at it
Only for the rejections to continue
One guy eventually shows a bit of interest
But he has too many questions
Questions that neither I can answer
Nor can my boss!
Of course, Recruitment is never an easy job
Especially when you are working in a startup
But to succeed in Recruitment for Investment Banking roles
You really need to pull off a Harry Houdini!!

Another day goes by
When you work your hardest
And yet, you are left with nothing
To show for your hard toil
All those hours you spent
Searching for the right profiles
All those hours you spent
Calling as many candidates as possible

Another day goes by
When the world of Recruitment
Lures you into its *****
With a lot of false promises
Only to grab you
In a vice-like grip
At the eleventh hour
And try and choke you into submission
In the same way
An anaconda coils itself
Around its hapless prey
And squeezes it to death

Another day goes by
When you toil away
Like there is no tomorrow
Searching for candidates
In every nook and cranny
But, with every candidate
It is the same story
They are not interested
Not for this particular client
A client which calls itself "mid-market"
But is actually rather small
Some candidates are quite friendly
Some are just polite
Some, downright rude
And others don't even bother
To pick up their phone
The bottomline is
This client just won't sell
And as yet another day goes by
I wonder what have I done
To deserve such an unwanted burden
Upon my hapless shoulders