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Ashwin Kumar May 6
An acquaintance once advised me
Not to fret over Recruitment
Because it is the easiest job in the world
I have blocked him
But that's not the point
The point is
Recruitment is a pile of work
That keeps growing bigger and bigger
Until it surpasses Mount Everest
And it is also a fly
That keeps hovering tantalisingly above you
Daring you to swat it aside
Before making "The Great Escape"
At the eleventh hour
As far as today was concerned
Recruitment was losing the toss
And watching your bowlers being carted around for boundaries
In all sorts of directions
While enduring a long day in the field
Under the blistering heat of a raging summer
That has already wreaked havoc
Across the entire nation
Who knows what tomorrow may bring
In any case
We do know one thing for sure
Recruitment is anything but an easy job
Fairly self-explanatory!
Ashwin Kumar Apr 16
It is a long weekend
A much-needed break
After four days of hard work
With no results to show for it
As the clock strikes nine
I slowly open my eyes
Still stuck in the twilight
Between my dreams and waking up
It is only the prospect of coffee
A strong, hot cup of morning coffee
Prepared by my dear  mother
And full of a rich aroma
With no sugar to spoil it
That gives me the strength
To climb out of my bed
I then head towards the dining table
To give my mom a customary hug
Before entering the kitchen
And grabbing that cup of coffee
As I head back to my room
And reclaim my bed
I check my phone
As I am wont to do
And bang! my Whatsapp is filled to the brim
With all sorts of notifications
The smile on my face
Turns into an ugly frown
As I check one of the many notifications
It is from my boss
Asking me to be available at one o'clock
For a call with a client
That too, that dreaded client
Which has ******* us over
More times than we can even count
And I also happen to notice
That the client HR has added us to a Whatsapp group
Which means there is no way we can back out now
Way to go, guys
You know for sure
How to spoil a weekend
Ashwin Kumar Mar 17
Day after day
Week after week
Month after month
Year after year
You've shown the world
How not to be an employer
Treating your employees like slaves
Demeaning them with insults
That were way below the belt
Denying them their basic pay
For which they have braved storms
Scaled towering mountain peaks
And dived to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean
And firing a few of them
For no justifiable reason whatsoever
Today, however
You have sunk to a new low
It is bad enough to not pay your employees
But to accuse them of not doing their jobs
And lie to their faces'
That you've been paying them properly
Is despicable to the core
And goes on to show
That you are nothing more
Than a rat in the gutter
But then, the rat at least deserves to be put out of its misery
You, on the other hand
Deserve to rot in the confines of Tihar Jail
For a very very long time
Of course, we all know the famous saying
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind
But it applies only to human beings
You are not one
Dedicated to the monster who calls himself the owner of the company where my best friend works
Ashwin Kumar Mar 5
I have been working hard
For hours and hours
Days and days
Weeks and weeks
Combing every portal
Sending hundreds of mails
Speaking to hundreds of candidates
And yet I see no light
At the end of this extremely dark
And insanely long tunnel
I have sacrificed so much
Be it watching cricket
Or playing mobile video games
Or reading books
Or going for walks
Or exercising
Or even
Spending quality time with my family
Don't get me wrong
I love the work I'm doing
It is, after all, a wonderful learning experience
And will hold me in good stead
For the years to come
But surely you've got to admit
That I could use an extra pair of hands
To say that the company is short-staffed
Would be the understatement of the year
How long do you expect me to go on like this
Doing the work of at least two people?
After all, I am a human
Not a robot
So far, I may have been on the right track
But at some stage
I am bound to crack
And when I do
It is not only I who would suffer
But the company as well
You wouldn't want that, would you?
So, please hire more people soon
We need all the support we can get
And while allocating work
Please ensure that we don't end up biting more than we can chew
After all, we do love our work
But it is equally important
That the work loves us in turn
Dedicated to my boss.
Ashwin Kumar Feb 20
You know the famous saying
All good things come to an end
This applies to weekends as well
Or in this case, Sundays
Because I was forced to work yesterday
Due to a massive project
Which will keep me occupied
For a good three weeks
Including two Saturdays
Hence, all the more reason
To positively dread the start of tomorrow
Ah yes, the infamous Monday
Something that terrifies me
More than climbing Mount Everest
Or entering a lion's den
Or earning the wrath of a cobra
I can go on and on
But I think I've made my point
Yes, Mondays are bad
Especially if you've enjoyed the weekend
As much as I did
Notwithstanding working on Saturday
So, do you want to know
What makes tomorrow twice as bad
As any other Monday?
Firstly, as mentioned earlier
I am working on a big project
Probably my biggest in the last three years
Secondly, while the going has been smooth so far
Things are going to get tricky
So far, all I have accomplished
Is pure research
But now, I'll have to start calling people
And these are not recruitment calls
Which are relatively straightforward
On the other hand
I am entering pure sales territory
Which may not be a big deal
For most "normal" people
But for someone who is autistic
It is a different ballgame altogether
In fact, it is like steering a ship
Through the Bermuda Triangle
And finally
The biggest roadblock
In my long and treacherous path
Is not the candidates
Not even the client
But my accursed laptop
Whose ability to perform under pressure
Is even less than that of South Africa
In a global cricket tournament
Ashwin Kumar Dec 2021
There are times
When you work your hardest
When you burn the midnight oil
Yet, it is not enough
Because, the pile of work besides you
Grows taller and taller
Till it outgrows Mount Everest
As you process this
And arrive at a decision
That the first thing to do
Is to take a nap
In order to clear your head
And ensure your mind is fresh
You receive a call
From that hated client
Your nemesis-in-chief
For years and years
A client that has pushed you
To the very brink
On a number of occasions
A client that has kept you on your toes
Only to pull the rug from under your feet
At the eleventh hour
As you take the call
You hope against hope
That they are bringing good news
But your hopes are brutally dashed
As they inform you
With apparent smug satisfaction
That your candidates
Who have been interviewed
After more than a month of inaction
Are all rejected
Thus, you have to start all over again
And ****! Just like that
All those months of hard work
Have gone down the drain
And that is not all
This is merely an addition
To the gargantuan pile of work
That lies on your desk
As you take another look at it
You feel ready to pass out
To all those who've read till here
This may come as a shock
However, the reality is
This is just a day in Recruitment
Ashwin Kumar Nov 2021
For days and days
Weeks and weeks
Months and months
You work the hardest you can
You burn the midnight oil
You sacrifice a lot of things
That you hold dear
Whether it be cricket
Whether it be mobile games
Whether it be online shows
Whether it be exercise, even!
After all your sincere efforts
You are surely bound to think
That success would follow you
However, you are in for a rude shock
Far from being rewarded with success
You are instead punished
With failure after failure
As your efforts go down the drain
One after the other
Until all you are left with
Is a massive pile of zeroes
A reflection of your  rejection
By the candidates
By the clients
And, last but not the least
By your laptop itself!
Recruitment is such a devil
Ashwin Kumar Aug 2021
Another day goes by
When you work your hardest
And yet, you are left with nothing
To show for your hard toil
All those hours you spent
Searching for the right profiles
All those hours you spent
Calling as many candidates as possible

Another day goes by
When the world of Recruitment
Lures you into its *****
With a lot of false promises
Only to grab you
In a vice-like grip
At the eleventh hour
And try and choke you into submission
In the same way
An anaconda coils itself
Around its hapless prey
And squeezes it to death

Another day goes by
When you toil away
Like there is no tomorrow
Searching for candidates
In every nook and cranny
But, with every candidate
It is the same story
They are not interested
Not for this particular client
A client which calls itself "mid-market"
But is actually rather small
Some candidates are quite friendly
Some are just polite
Some, downright rude
And others don't even bother
To pick up their phone
The bottomline is
This client just won't sell
And as yet another day goes by
I wonder what have I done
To deserve such an unwanted burden
Upon my hapless shoulders
A rant about a very difficult (Investment Banking) role to close with a small client of ours that candidates mostly say no to.
Ashwin Kumar Apr 2021
Are you a human being?
Or are you an agent of Satan?
Are you capable of any good?
Or is it utterly pointless
To keep such expectations?
You live only for money
And your employees are mere tools
To be used one day
And thrown away another day

Are you a human being?
Or are you an agent of Satan?
Your employees sacrifice so much
By burning the midnight oil
Every day, every week
Every month, every year
Some of them have to do it
Just to make ends meet
And you deny them
Such a basic thing as salary
For an entire year

Are you a human being?
Or are you an agent of Satan?
During these mad times we live in
With many people dying
And many more getting infected
You still care about work only
Of course, your employees are just robots
But, if they are robots
Why are they getting infected as well?

Are you a human being?
Or are you an agent of Satan?
With every passing day
The situation is getting worse and worse
As the virus is spreading everywhere
Including amongst your employees
Yet, you still act like Emperor Nero
Who was content to play the piano
While his beloved Rome burned
Is it not your duty
To create a safe environment
For all your employees?
Should you not make it a priority
To ensure that they all work from home?
Instead, your lust for control is such that
You would rather prefer
Your employees to risk their lives
Just so that you can watch over them
Just the way the monster Cerberus
Guards the gates to Hell

Are you a human being?
Or are you an agent of Satan?
You may be a Founder of a company
But you lack basic goodness
And unless you mend your ways
You and your husband
Will die a dog's death
The sooner that day comes, the better
So that your employees
Can start leading a normal life again
Free from your evil influence
This is a rant to the boss of my best friend, in whose company many employees have been infected with COVID19 and she still expects everyone to come to office.
Ashwin Kumar Apr 2021
When will you ever be satisfied?
Work, work and work
That's all you want us to do
Never mind that it's a Saturday
That we have a life of our own
That we have a family
That we've already burned the midnight oil
With no rewards for our hard labour

When will you ever be satisfied?
We all know the famous saying
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
Do you want us all to be Jacks?
Are we humans or machines?
What ever happened to work-life balance?
We work for hours and hours
In front of a computer screen
Is this fair to our eyes?

When will you ever be satisfied?
We handle multiple roles
We handle multiple clients
We run a huge risk
In upsetting a few clients
In order to satisfy your favourite client
But will that particular client
Justify its enormous price tag?

When will you ever be satisfied?
We never get our incentives on time
Yet we rarely complain
We patiently put in all the hard yards
Waiting for months, in vain
At the huge risk of burnout
You will never be able to replace us
Yet your lust for control is such
That you will never be satisfied
This is a rant to my boss who has been driving us mad for the last 4-5 days; including making us work on a Saturday.
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