I'm stuck between my desire and reality,
what is "best for me" verses "what I want",

Hopeless and worry wandering thoughts,
being good enough,
Over and over I fought,

fought with myself,
my identity lost in the sheer mix,
trying my best to uplift others,

Before you I was lost,
Without you I don't know if I would have made it this far,
I felt like the cause of it all,
The fights, the commotion, the screaming,
But you were steady and still,
waiting for me to lie on your shoulder
and hug me and tell me that it was going to be okay,

you were there to hear my cries,
to hear my sorrows, my worries,
For once it didn't feel like a burden.

and P.S maybe what "is best for me" may not be BEST FOR ME.

All I ever knew,
was his love,

His skin was the only one that i've ever touched,
His lips the only property i owned,
His touch was the only one i've ever felt,

He knew me like an open book,
Without an utter,
Knowing what I felt,
Supporting me when I couldn't hold myself up,

All I ever knew was,
his love,

Despite the distance,
Despite the ups and downs,
Despite the world that is against us,

He makes me whole,
More than he will ever know,

His love,
was all I ever knew,
and all I ever want to know.

Heaven knows where we've been,
Where your head rests on my heart,
As if you were placed there on purpose,
I feel your slow breath on my the warmth of my skin,
Grabbing my hand, slowing time,
Chasing your sweet divine,
Give you all of me,
What's beneath the surface,
I can see the light in you,
Complete blind for you,
Who wants all of you,
This is what they must have meant,
What heaven on earth must feel like.

Anger, frustration
Built like a brick wall inside of this heart,
Testing my patience,
Racing,
Waiting to come up with another reason,
Reasons why I deserve it,
Failures, disappointment, sadness,
Picking at weaknesses,
Waiting for a point where this ends,
Patterns of highs and lows,
Spinning so fast,
Everything in mid air,
Becomes a blurry haze,
Where I see a brick wall,
With anger and frustration
Going on and on

I've waited months on months to memorize,
Memorize every detail on the surface of his skin,
The warm touch down his back,
The scars spread out on his chest,
The wrinkles that form by his eyes,
The eyes that bring light,
A soft ethereal glow,
Waiting to accept this reality,
Though seemed much like a Dream,
Missing his touch on my skin,
Left a mark quite like a fingerprint,
His rough yet firm grasp on each thigh,
Tracing the curves of my body,
By time, I realize,
That in time, with him there is not enough time,
He is much like a roaring ocean,
Blissfully following the tide,
Waiting for the water to return,
Back to shore,
Waiting for
More...
Time.

He is every thought before bed,
Imagining his warm skin press against mine,
His arms cradling me to sleep,
Our thoughts drifting away,
Feeling like the only two people in the room,
Watching him is like he's in slow motion,
Focusing on small details,
Falling deeper and deeper,
In the moment it's bliss,
It's all I could ever want,
Until I realize he's not with me,
He's not here to here to hold,
To be asked or told,
That he is every one of these
Bedtime thoughts
As I fall
Deeper,
And deeper.....
Aslee-

drawn to windows of silent blue
wooed by rays of genuine warmth
wavelengths of eternal promise
a clear gaze to tranquility

basking in a youthful sunlight
framed in crystalline emotion
purity of frozen concerns
azure passport to forever

trees reaching to one another
exposed in their frosted beauty
cornflower hues on snowy white
shadows of druid ritual

dreams arising from cups of tea
reflecting cerulean bliss
nourishment for ravenous hearts
fertile steeping for spring roses