I was one too.
Taking pleasure in pains of the
Past; addicted nearly, to the
Pity and attention
Of others.

Now I keep it locked away.
Private pearls of an adventure life,
Wounds long healed;
Faded scars. My smiles now deserved.
I wish the same contentment

To all those others, the
Happy unhappy. Who can only
Recognize themselves
In broken
Mirrors.

Do our loved ones
once deceased return
to us in dreams?

When we walk in fields
with them
side by side
and chat, and smile, and laugh
and cry?

Is death hastily forgotten
like so many pebbles cast
into pools ever so deep?
And not thinking
the absurdity of their death
long past gone
paid by
our loved ones
that now talk to us?

Ooh what sweet dreams
are made of
that brings
us once again
to our beloved
once long past,
only to be awakened
in the morning
by unbearable
fleeting...
        ...heartbreaks

What was it like to fall?
Did you want to turn back?
Did you regret your decision on the way down?

You drove an hour to get there
How could you do that knowing what you were about to do?

Did you think of me even for a moment?
Was I in your  last thoughts?

Why did you do it?

Wasn't I there for you?
All the nights I spent talking and listening to you?

Don't you realise the mess you left behind?
Did that even occur to you?
Do you realise just how many people miss you?
Me and your children, and your mother

If you could tell me,  I would ask, was it worth it?

For sometime now I have just been watching everything you do
Just observing attempting to understand this feeling that pumps from my heart and conquers my brain
These images of you and I doing these events that seem so unrealistic
Us smiling together as one having the time of our lives
But that is only in my mind...
In reality the truth is a guy like I could never get a gal like you
It just goes against the order of humanity
You see I am at the bottom of food chain,
While you lay at the top basking in the glory
Yet still I take my binoculares just to look into your star like eyes that illuminates in the night sky
Once again beginning to day dream about driving off recklessly into the sunset with you in my arms
Giving you every bit of attention you deserve or shall I say in the word of the Great Albert Einstein
"A man who drives safely while kissing a beautiful girl isn't giving the girl the attention she deserves"
And you deserve it all
Every bit of it that a true man could possibly offer
So as I watch from a distance I hope to see a guy who can give you all his heart
Though I'd prefer you to be with the guy who wrote his heart

Do you even understand what "broken" means?
Do you even know how "broken" feels?
You have your pains and I have mine,
but these things that cause our heart aches are so different.
This isn't the "I might have been molested when I was really young but I don't remember" kind of pain. This is the "he came into my room at night and I still remember everything" kind of heart break.
And I am not putting your pains down and saying they are any less than mine, but how can you understand this feeling of heaviness on my chest when your lungs are always full of air? Maybe your lungs are stronger than mine, or maybe mine are just a little more burnt. But what I'm saying is, parts of me are broken that I never even thought could break.