She reaches for her cup of coffee
I flinch
I shouldn't be afraid
It's ok
She fixes her posture
Clears her throat
Begins to tell me
All the things I did wrong
For the past three years
I pick my cuticles until they
Begin to bleed
"Did you hear me? Did you ******* hear me? This is what I'm talking about!"
I place my hands on my bouncing knees
"I tried so hard to make this work, but sometimes love isn't enough"
I just wanted to leave
**** this
I get up and leave

Today I spent some time outside
I thought about life
earth, mars and you
I think about how much anger I have towards you
Sometimes
Sometimes I lose myself
In my anger
I wish I could lose myself
In my happiness the same way
I've been trying to focus on the good things
I've been writing again
You stole that away from me for awhile
But I'm getting it back
I've also been allowing myself to feel
The things I'd prefer to just
Shove to the back of my mind
But I've been feeling them
And I think it's been good for me

I feel myself
Becoming numb again
And I'm afraid
Of what I'll do

I'm going to make sure
That
Everything reminds you of me
When you walk down the street
You see my eyes in the cracks on the sidewalks
When you listen to music
Even songs we didn't listen to together
There I am
In every word
Even when you think you've moved on
And you're ******* someone else
The second that you ***
The ceiling looks like my ceiling
The one you know so well
And you remember every time we've made love
Food will never be the same without me
All the shows and movies we watched together won't either
You won't be able to forget me
Is it selfish for me to want this?
Because this is what you've done to me
Every time I think I've forgotten you
You come back into my mind and body
Like falling asleep
It just happens

You didn't think I saw
But I saw
Your eyes dissolve
Into slime
Slide down your face
As I spoke
I kissed the inside of your elbows
Your forehead
Each ear lobe
Took a shot of whiskey
No chaser
You passed me a cigarette from between your bony fingers
I took a drag
Hid the urge to cough
You fell asleep
I looked out the window
Kissed you one last time
And left

Me, the dog, and the bird
Actually no
Just the bird and the dog
I'm not like those two
They offer more
A bird can fly
A dog can communicate without talking
What do I have?
I'll tell you what
I can give you a few things but
They aren't pretty
I can't fly
And I talk a lot
And I'm a pretty ****** listener
And I've been told I'm not trustworthy
So theres that
I'm no good

I'm sick of my brain
Holding me back
From the things
My heart wants