"and now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."

August 30. 15
I fell in love with the way you looked at me.
I fell in love with the way you kissed me.
I fell in love with the way you touched me, the way you talked to me, the way you cared for me. I fell in love with my best friend

It's been a week but it feels like months
No texts
No calls
I can't hear his voice in my head anymore.
I can't feel his kiss on my lips.
I can't even imagine his smile
Why can't I see him in my head anymore?
What happened to me?
It's been a week but if feels like months.

You were perfect.
I thought anyways.
I thought I knew that you were the one.
Until you tore me down emotionally and mentally every day, then blamed me for it.
I thought I knew who you were.
I thought I knew and I was wrong.

I couldn't stand to sleep next to someone.
Something about the way each breath wasn't in sync or hearing a heart beat that was too fast/too slow really bothered me.
That all changed.
The night we stayed up and laughed and talked.
The night I truly realized , that it was I who was in love. And I was in love with you.
Sleeping next to you seemed like it was meant to be.
Waking up next to you was even better.
Now I sit at home struggling to fall asleep to the sound of my own breath, my own heartbeat.
I struggle with not having you by my side anymore.

To the next girl
To the next girl, I hope you fall in love with his blue eyes and big smile.
I hope you notice everything about him. Notice how his eyes glow when he’s smiling. Cherish his smile, because you don’t see it as often as you should.
I hope you listen to his problems but don’t try to fix them because he insists on doing that himself.
I hope you learn that to him, trust is everything. All it takes is one time, one mistake  and it will go away.
I hope you are okay with the fact that one minute he will play a country song and sing his heart out then the next he’ll have on rap and just bob his head occasionally saying the lyrics.
I hope you meet his mom and she loves you. I hope she brags about you to him, about how lucky he is.
But don’t let that fool you, he isn’t the lucky one. You are
I hope you make him happy, because I failed to do so.
I hope you’re okay with his bad habits, because he won’t change for anyone.
I hope you’re okay with hanging out with his friends, because his friends are his brothers and they mean the world to him.
I hope you know that even if he doesn’t tell you he cares, he does.
I hope you know that he’s broken even though he seems so strong. He needs you to build him back up.
I hope you play with his little sister. She doesn’t talk much but if you pick her up and spin her around I guarantee she will scream “Again! Again!”
I hope you introduce him to your family, let him come over, let him meet your dad, your mom, brothers and sisters.
To the next girl
I hope he loves you back.

It all seemed so surreal.
As I kissed your lifeless body and gasped for air I didn't know what to think.
I can't remember our last conversation.
I can't remember the last time we hugged or said I love you.
But now all I can think of is kissing the forehead of your cold, pale, lifeless body and wishing that I could say goodbye.
God gained a beautiful angel, but I lost mine.