I hide my tears when I hear your name
But the pain in my heart is still the same
Although I smile and look care free
I miss you more than it may seem

The night air had never made me feel so lonely

Walking this path without my one and only

Hand in hand we use to stroll so carefree

Now the quiet reminds the soul that it's only me

Cold wraps around me, seeping into my bones

Hope it would numb me so I wouldn't feel so alone

They say after your love passes you can feel them near

But I'd be warm and happy if you were here

Snow covers my loose hair, tickling my ears

The night is so quiet, awakening my fears

Giving me time to think of what use to be

Can't even take a walk to be free of your memory

Everywhere I turn something reminds me of the past

Your impacted my heart so much I'm afraid the pain will last

Snowflakes all around making the pathway to our spot a white dream

Remember how in the summer we'd run until we got to the stream

We'd strip bare and jump in

Not worrying about anything, not knowing this all would end

I lay down now letting cold surround me and closing my eyes

Spreading my arms, making a angel and pretending to fly

How I want to fly to you

I want all that we had wanted to come true

Go back in time and save you from yourself

So stubborn, you always refused help

One more weak swipe of the arms, I stop my wings

I try to listen closely to hear if the angels will sing

Sorrowful tune for the emptiness I feel inside

I need to start accepting, all I seem to do is hide

Shaky breath I stand up and tilt my head up toward the sky

With a quiet whisper I send you a goodbye

Tell me you want me behind Closed doors
To the world though I'm known as the town *****
Say you'd be crazy to claim me in front of the public eye
I say if you didn't want me then all you told me were lies
I'm not someone who is ashamed of my past
If you had a problem why did you play it like you wanted us to last
So I'm a little young, you knew that going in
Stop acting like I'm the only one who made all the sins
You didn't have to come to me at night
Whispering sweet nothings, crawling between my thighs
Take your lies before I rip out your heart
Skin you and stuff you, display you like art

******* in a paper bag
towel doubled as a rag
suitcase holding treasured randoms
and notebooks filled with cryptic tandems
very little ventilation
and an unclaimed mess that's hated
sacred corner on the desk
the rest a "collage:" a mess
mirror mirror on the wall
tells the truth, leaves me appalled
thin covering on the ground
worn where almost all is brown
hand-me-down pillow case smeared with liner
and the tears from last night's crier

I have buried them alive---
the tatters of malformed thoughts
squelched at the root of my tongue,
wrought by murky fingertips in dreams.

Still, they bloom in me---
beyond my grasp, beyond all wisdom.
I cannot blot your poetry from my eyes,
Nor one gentle glance, nor untouched cheek.

If I say I love you, I will burn---
What I bear will be indelible, uncrucifiable
An incantation to raise the spirits of my sins,
irredeemable black curses to cast me from eden.

And should gardenias creep to my lips,
I will ***** them out, and plant acacia in my breath---
I will swallow the roots of their hearts,
and eat your fire eternally.