I'm tired of feeling like I was the one
Who didn't try hard enough to keep you
I kept crossing sidewalks to find you
I drove over bridges back and forth
Thinking that every time I'd pass over
I'd see your shadow standing at the edge
And thinking what it would be like if
My shadow was still there with you
I keep looking for you in the aisle of the thrift stores
Where you tried on old coats because
You used to say they made you feel wiser
I tried writing a letter to you the other day
And my hand went numb when I tried to explain
Why I had even picked up a pen in the first place
I tried ordering my tea without honey only to realize
You were always the sweetener
Someone asked me what it felt like to lose someone
I told them it's like the empty feeling in your chest
It's like moving into an abandoned house
It's like hearing your voice on their voicemail
100 times on repeat until your ears drown
From the lack of sleep in your voice
I sleep next to strangers hoping that maybe
Their shadows will fill the emptiness in my sheets
I walk through puddles to see my reflection
And remind myself that you were the one who
Didn't try hard enough to stick around
You won't drive over bridges to find me
Because you already burnt them down.

Howling winds flew against red cheeks,
tousling my mob of hair in a thousand directions.
I stood high as I could atop the building's roof
with my legs shaking from fatigue and adrenaline.
I moved my bloodied tongue against colorful cracked lips,
hissing at both the pain and relief I felt
through that one simple action.
I lightly ran my thumb atop my
left hands bruised knuckles, chuckling
at the painful blow I know I gave.
But I would pay for that tomorrow...
Gritting my teeth at the thought I clenched my fists,
and stepped forward, placing my toes
over the edge of the dirtied stone building.
The cities typical smog filled sky
was littered with stars of all sizes tonight,
as if they had only come out of hiding
to watch the morbid show I planned to give.
I stared at the audience above my head
with a glare in my watery green eyes
daring them to stop me, to warn me,
but they didn't.
Instead, they shone brighter than ever
humming songs without spoken words
they were content...
In their dark, gloomy, polluted sky, they were content
So I sat on that worn building ledge and
shoved my aching hands deep inside my sweatshirt pocket,
waiting for the morning sun to appear
somewhere, anywhere
in the sky.