How do you manage to become the only thought in my head when I don't want you, I don't want your love or your appreciation I don't even care for your friendship anymore but now I want to see you jealous I want you to know that I'm over you and I want to prove that maybe you did kinda like me in some way, I know you did cause you tried, you tried harder and got further into my life and I know I got into yours.
So why did we just stop?
Because see you became my best friend and world in a few nights and it sounds rude an selfish but I can't help the fact that yes I know we are now 'just friends' but before we stopped working and talking I felt like you could've become my world and more if you'd just held on I think we could have come through

my beloved, i miss you.
i miss our time spent together,
miss the life you brought into my spirit.
darling,
don’t you miss how thin you were?
i told you that you didn’t want food—
carbs are bad, remember?—
and you were just so beautiful.
the etched lines of your ribs and collarbone,
carefully defined like charcoal on a watercolor painting.
lovely,
don’t you miss our late-night chats?
you told me everything you hated about yourself
and i just held you as you crumbled.
i’m sorry i couldn’t bring myself to console you but
honey,
your pain was just so beautiful...
i couldn’t tear myself away.
how can you not miss our alone time?
your isolation always kept me company—
until that one day.
you yelled at me,
shouted obscenities at me until you were crying,
but different tears than the ones you shared with me
late at night.
you relapsed into our old relationship,
again and again,
until that one day.
i heard you singing in the shower
for the first time since you were ten years old,
heard you open a bag of chips, eat the whole **** bag,
saw your mother embrace you while
tears fell down her face.
i saw you drive away with
that boy,
the one who kisses your scars
and tells you your past is a tragic beauty.
beloved,
i could’ve saved you.
don’t tell me you saved yourself.
we could’ve been just so beautiful.

                                                   forever yours,
                                                          ­  me<3

You wonder if she knows
If she can tell how deep it goes
This sadness that you carry neath your skin.

You wonder if she sees
The way you fall down to your knees
And how hard it is to get back up again.

You fear she’ll walk away
Leaving nothing in her wake
But the broken, shattered pieces of your soul.

But if you’d look, you’d see
She’s aware of everything
And she’s holding tight, trying to keep you whole.

when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.