I'm am  very contradictory

I Am a beautiful disaster
I am gasless smoke
I am an ice fire
I am lovingly hateful
I am aggressively playful

I am kknowledgeable confusion.
..it's best at its worst

You asked me why I love you
I said I didn't know
But it's not that I don't love you
It's just that my mind is so full
of destruction that I feel like if I tell you
it might be too much for you to handle

I might break you with the weight of my heart because indeed my heart is heavy
My heart is a burden. Because it hold the past which is a burden in its entirety.

So I'm sorry that I did not have the words and I'm sorry if I made you believe
That my love for you
is non existent.

Darling it exists, and all too much.

Time passes by so fast

That i can't catch my breath

      And i know i shouldn't ask to be saved

               But I can barely breathe

       And the world is asking me to run
        faster.

I think love and music are very alike.
When you first heard your favorite song
You fell in love with it, you played it over and over again.
Love is the same way.
You fall in love and it's great but then someone gets tired because it's all the same and then you search for a different melody.

You change the station.
..You find a new lover.

Death waits for me like the morning frost on my window.
My days start to feel shorter and more pointless.
Morbid things cross my mind.
There are no cliffs, tall buildings or bridges where I live.
Only ropes, razor blades, and guns.
I have decisions to make.
Find purpose in my life?
Go on breathing without living?
Or die do to my not so insane insanity.

When I said
I wanted to fall in love
I did not mean
I wanted to bleed

I was About 15 extremely naive
Love seemed like a big word to me
Said time and Time again
I did not know that  word would make me spend my summer nights drinking *****
In my closet at 3 in the morning.

Now I'm about 16 wondering why I dream of that word
Why do I wish to fall in love
Even after I know last time I Almost died
It won't be metaphorically speaking when someone says "she died of a broken heart"
I will be gone...and the reason is love.
I am literally dying of a broken heart but you don't seem to give many *****.