I mean I suppose I'm "better"
If by better you mean better at hiding it
Then yea I'm doing way better.
See, no one really seems to care anymore
No one seems to understand anymore
But I guess it's for the best because anyone Who understands would be able to relate to this and I wouldn't wish that on anyone not even my worst enemies.

Raindrops hit my neck
In places you once kissed
The feeling of you still resonates through my bones.
Why can I still feel your touch, if you left a month ago.
I don't think you know what you did to me.
I'm not sure you're aware that at 4 am
I shake and shake and shake in withdrawal because I know you'll never touch me again.
My panics happen about twice a day now.  Because I blame myself for losing you.
You brought back the urge to encounter death.
Yet I Still love you.
No wonder you left, I'm an addict, a pain addict.
And you were my main supply.

I had trouble breathing.
I forgot about you.
I was fine.
I remember you.
Then I died.

It's been 57 days since I sliced through my skin.
That's 8 weeks rounded down.
That's 1,368 hours.
That's 82,080 minutes
That's 4,924,800 ******* seconds that I'm just yearning to throw away for the peace of mind that I will never get by bringing a cold thin piece of metal to my already scarred skin...and I can't see a good reason not to.
I guess I'm not ok.
I guess I've broken, and I'm irreparable.
What. A. Surprise.

Maybe just a scratch
Maybe just a cut
Maybe just a ****
Wow,ok, that's a lot of blood
Tears burn my eyes
The blood continues to flow
Maybe write a letter
How about a note
Death starts to linger
Mr.grim wears his coat
Maybe say I love you
It's totally not your fault
I was just a burden
The clipping of your wings
I'm no longer a burden
I've gained my own wings
Now I'm in heaven
Or as you call it hell
Heaven is a lie
I wish I was there to tell

Some days I look at my wrists and think it's almost over the scars are almost gone I've almost won...but then the blade calls me back for a reunion and you know how you can never turn down your old friends. ..becasue they were the ones there for you when no one else was but they also left you alone when things got too hard to handle

I am tired, so tired of breathing the same depression polluted air. I can no longer breathe without exhaling razor blades, they cut my throat just like when i say your name. I told myself that my thoughts weren't devoted to you but they are starting to be and how I predicted this summer would be sweet. .it is bitter with the taste of your lips and the cigarettes that you smoked. I have fallen. Not for you but for sadness, for the razor blades, panic attacks, the thoughts of death and all the rest.  I'm not saying I'm in love with it...I'm saying I'm in love with the fact that it replaces you. Because surely that is what I deserve.