I wear concealer to hide the dark bags under my eyes
To make them seem less dangerous
To hide the imperfections I find in myself
The flaws I want to break
There's more to it than beauty

Thoughts of that
Moment
Circle the drain
What happened
Didn't need to
Could've been misplaced
Amongst others
But
What would it be like
Without the
Memory
Pain
Agony
Would it have been better
Or would I have ended up this way
Anyway

I am clay
Molded by many hands
Into many shapes
Each person shapes me differently
They don't know what exactly they're doing to me
They think I am the one molding
But I cannot mold myself any longer
You have that power over me
The way you round my edges
And crease my face
That's how you do it
Sometimes I wish you all knew
What exactly was happening
But then I wonder
Would you care enough to stop
Or would you continue
Because you need me
You need to mold someone with your bare hands
To feel superior to something
Even if it kills me
I don't know
Maybe I don't mind anymore
I'm not me anymore
I'm here for you

Can you see the music moving in your mind
Can you feel it tremble in your veins
Bumping around
Giving rough edges
To cut your ears on
No pain
A sensation that is overwhelming
Courses through your soul
Ending up flipping in your heart
Settling and leaving hopeful traces
For you to follow and feel
The need
For something more

Being with you is like
Chasing tornados
It's a miracle when I find you
The chase is the exciting part
I get too close and you pull me in
But it's when you've caught me
I truly realize the mistake I've made

So many stars in my nights sky tonight
I'm counting every one
For you
Not because you wanted me too
But because I wanted you to see just
How much I love you
I'll keep counting every night
For the rest of my life
I'll always have hope with
You right here by my side
So lay next to me on the grass
Pitch black night
Our only lights will be the stars
Hold my hand and
We'll be alright
Even if it's just for tonight

You grabbed some letters
Threw them into words
Stuffed them down my throat
And told me to sing
It's a terrible thing,
Making words into sentences
When they aren't your own
They came from you, not me,
Now take them back
But you won't
I'll be stuck with them
As I regurgitate your words
They burn up my throat
And come to life in my mouth
To be set free
Slippery and broken
Rattling through my teeth

Will you help me save myself
I've done it all before
It would be nice if there was one
Person by my side
Holding my hair
And keeping me sane
With small talk and good coffee
Just don't let me break
Alome

I just want you to know that
I mean what I say
When I say that
I'm hurting
I don't want your attention
Or your fake empathy
I just want someone to care
Like you used to
Someone just needs to know
That I'm in pain
24/7 and it gets worse
When I'm around you

You break me like a toothpick
And hide all your insecurities away
But I can see them
When your eyes water
And teeth chatter from the cold
You control everything
Including me
But what you don't know
Is I wish you could just see me
As a person
And stop compartmentalizing

Two ordinary pieces
Fixed perfectly together
Steadfast in love
Bound for a lifetime
Just two

-I can't live right now
Lips moving fast
Words I can't hear
-I think death might be near
Scrambled thoughts
Breaking bones
-Why don't you try it?
Everything fades
You start to pace
-Overdose on feeling
I might stop
Take me away
-Soliloquie ahead
Danger danger
We tape what has ripped

I need something to hate myself for
But the truth is
I already have so much that I hate
About myself and what I've done
It's so easy
To make mistakes in this world
And after every mistake and lie
I feel myself begin to crack
Because
Of everything I hate
I will punish my mistakes with hate
For myself and only me
No one deserves the hate I have
For myself

Insincere apologies
Halfhearted I love you's
What has happened to us?
Who knew this love would die out so quickly
Without our permission we withdrew from that love

So quickly fall turned to winter
And spring to summer
It all happened so quickly
How could a year pass?
A year and you still reign in my mind, relentless

Electricity cackles in my veins
Sings through my ears
To make everything clear and new
Breaking boundaries
I never realized I put up
Slashing cords I used to use to pull myself together
My strings that connected me to the world
Like I was the puppet and fate the puppeteer
The blasting feeling still pumping around my blood stream
Splitting my skin
Opening the box I called my body
Awakening someone I don't know
But will soon

There's nothing I can do
But drown in this feeling
All for you
Crying and spinning
Laughing and dying
You deserve to live
Just as much as I deserve
To not live
I wish it was me
6ft underground
While you lie crying
But I will never see you again
And I didn't get the chance to say
Goodbye

I ran from you
But I ran in the wrong direction
Straight into his arms
Strong
Warm
But soon they turn
Cold
Too tight
Making it hard to move
I waiting until he was weak
Weak enough to shatter
Shatter and run away
Something I was getting very good at

Everything gets blurry
Through teary eyes
Emotions spilling over
Wet and black smearing
On a sweater sleeve
Red eyes shinning in the low light
Looking in them is a mistake
They lead you to sad places
Hospital rooms and X-ray machines
Foolish children in hallways
Rumors in every corner
Bickering parents behind
Closed doors
Muffled screams into pillows
Ever haunting gymnasium in
Every dream
These places that follow her
That shatter her heart
And break her soul
That mold her into who she is now

We treat this school like a playground
Because the teachers treat us like ignorant children
We try to run away
But get caught every time
It gets boring and difficult
I feel as if I am an elementary student
The only difference is
We don't have nap time

You
You can't be the answer to all my problems
You can't make me, mold me,
Into someone I'm not
And yet
You managed to make my life yours
You took it upon yourself to make me yours
Yours and no one else's
You made that clear to everyone
Including me
And then
You pushed too hard
At me and broke my bones
I finally realized how shackled I was
The cage I was in
Grew smaller and smaller
Your clutch on me tightened
You knew I was scared of what you are
You replied with madness
I gave you up
Pushed you away to breathe
You screamed my name for nights
I walked away

I have violence in my heart
Pumping it's way through my veins
Sneaking all around my body
I can feel it
Whispering in my ear
Tugging at my fingers
Coursing through my legs
As I run
From the person I though I knew
So so well
Who turned out to be
A stranger
That lived in me all along
My shadow
Who just now took over
Instead of licking at my heels
It caught up to me
Tackled me and yet I stand
You can't touch me
And I can live

You only have eyes for him
He's only ever loved you
You fight,  scream,  don't talk
He leaves or you do
But never for good
Twenty years and two children
Love still burns bright and wild
Behind their eyes
You can see it
In the way they speak
And look at each other
The kind of love that lasts
The kind I can only hope for

When you break something
You shut down
Your body just doesn't know what to do
Or how to fix it

I easily pushed you aside
I never actually got attached
I'm sorry
It's who I am inside
That screws me up the most
Kissing with no emotions
Stable ground I walk on
Where you tiptoe on the edge
I admire who you have morphed into
But I would never wish you
Upon myself
It's too risky
Entertaining feelings that could and will break you apart
I will step aside
And allow myself the simple pleasure
But never fully touching someone else
Wholeheartedly I push myself with inanimate objects that could only hurt me with my permission
People are too dangerous
Recognizing this error
I am comfortable how I am
My heart always on the back burner
Never the decision maker
I only trust of this my brain

Catch me in your arms
When I stumble and fall
I need your safe arms
Wrapped around me
But don't let me go
You can't because if you do
I could break into millions of shards
You keep me together
Just don't leave

It hurts so bad I forgot how to cry
I still smile through each day
Stumbling
Blind
To everything I feel
Blundering towards the unknown
Not a tear will fall
Sometimes
It just gets hard to see
Hard to push my numb legs to walk
And my tingling fingers to feel again
Blatantly lying to each face i see
A smile will make them forget,
My scream
Tear-filled eyes bubbling up
Clenching and unclenching fists
The inability to breath  
My lungs burn as I give up the ability
To fight back
I can't run I am stuck

You should probably break my heart
So I know what it feels like
Maybe I'll be prepared for the day that it shatters
I deserve the pain
For all the pain I've given others
I guess I forgot I had a heart
For awhile anyway
But I found it
In the process hurting two
I do deserve whatever comes my way
Especially the cold from you
And my feelings that rush in toward
My chest
That I need to expend

My eyes leaking with salt water
Pain in my chest
A ball of clay jammed in my throat
I reach for you when I know
You are not there
I take your memory and rip it apart
Then scramble for the pieces
I want you here with me again
Bawlin on the floor I break and let it go
I push all that away from me
What has been locked up inside
But keep only one piece of you
Always inside of me
To sit and
Cry

Maybe you could call me pretty
And I could fall in love with the way you say my name
You could get lost in my eyes and the feeling of my hands in your hair
But we know this will all end soon
I won't get back to you
And you will find someone new to spend time on
This could be how it works
Or we could change it forever

The world will find you and make you see it
Even when you turn your head away
Scared to see what it may hold
Scared of all the things you do not know
And yet the world turns your head and pushes your eyes open
Not allowing you the sweet surrender of ignorance

Break your back
Rip apart your ribs
Scream until you cough blood
What are you looking for?
Maybe that one thing
You can call your own
You may never find it
But keep searching for
Your heart
It might be in there somewhere

Screaming into pillows
Forcing my fist through walls
Killing myself with every dumb tear
Self doubt and loathing stitched into my bones
Trying to think of something else than the moments we shared
And how your name sounded on my tongue

Kiss me
And tell me everything is going to be
Alright
Tell me
You love me
But don't lie
Actually mean it this time
I hope you mean it this time
If you don't love true
Walk away
Run if you have to
In the opposite direction in which
I do
Maybe I need you
I don't want to find out
So break all that we made
And stop lying

I didn't know I would need someone else's heart
So that mine didn't feel so alone
With my heart beat matching another's
A beautiful resonance  
I didn't know I would need the heat
That someone else produced
I used to have so much of my own
Now I just feel cold
And alone

Thanks for breaking me
*i give up

Death is like losing something
You wanted to keep forever

Love doesn't exist with people like you
You destroy your life
You create to break it down
Burning what feels right
Why? Why? Why?
What's wrong with you
You feel like this because... Of what?
Are you broken?
It's harsh to think that this
Is me.

You break my bones like tooth picks
And act like it was no small feat
Good job
You broke me
Well I broke me too
A long time ago
So
I win

When I leave you
And when you leave me
We say our goodbyes
Except there's still that one thing poking through my head
That I know I can't let go
Not just yet
Just before you turn away
I feel myself want to say
"I love you"
Yet I know we're not ready
But it's also something I need to say

You had a chokehold around your own neck
And you weren't letting go

I am the kind of person
Who will
Do anything for what she wants
I am also the person
Who loses interest and gets bored
Very quickly
Please if I want you
Walk away
All I do is burn love
Breaking it into thousands of pieces
Crushing what I can get ahold of
Spoiling the sweet part of it
That's who I am
Burning bright
While I take you apart

If I took a look around
Would I see what's bothering you?
If I just watched for a bit
Would I understand your feelings?

Blood stains clothing not skin
If it did however
Your hands would be dripping
Never ending
You make me bleed
Inside and out
From the heart
That's where you start
Then you drag your fingers
Across my beaten flesh
And lick your lips with desire
For everything you do you enjoy
No matter how horrible
Or gory
Your eyes burn with contempt
Every drop of blood you take
Is taken from me
I should've have let you take it
Right from the start
But I trusted you
With my most valuable possession
My heart
You shredded it with your teeth
And sliced it with your own heart
Though it may not beat
It is cold as ice
And sharp to the touch
That's how you broke me down
And brought me to your level
I don't know how I feel anymore
Because you posses me

So many beautiful stars in the sky tonight
But none of them mean a **** thing
Cause you aren't here with me

You have no idea
What I'm going through
To get you off my mind
And out of all my thoughts

Oh no oh no
Death is near
All the good things are gone
And the bad things are here