I long to slowly melt away
Until who I am
Was
Are
Ceases to exist

And now I know that your God isn’t real
And he doesn’t answer prayers
For if he were
And he did
I wouldn’t be here typing this poem

Far too long have I labored under the cruel slavemaster of my emotions
Whipped I am by my love for you
Desperately I have tried to escape from this slavery
But crippled am I by infatuation
Here I'll stay in this cruel cruel place
Until love turns to hate
Only then will I be free

Different face
Same situation
Different words
Same meaning
I'm tired of rejection
Tired of giving my all only to be tossed aside
What more do you want from me
My heart
You have that
My soul
You own that
My body
You've possessed that
So why do you continue to hurt me
Torment me with your silver tongue
Only to pullback and leave me disappointed
There's nothing left for me to give
I guess I'm just not enough to make you stay

An eternity with you wouldn't be enough

Pray to your God
The God that allowed Satan to torment Job for his own amusement
Pray to your God
The God that allows trials to rain on both the just and the unjust
Pray to your God
The God that turned away from his own son in his time of need
Stand in front of a train and pray to your God
Prayer is powerless
No matter how many times you pray "let this cup pass from me"
In the end you'll come to realize that you are praying to a God who has abandoned you

I've had my fair share of sleepless nights
Those nights are the nights that I lie awake thinking
(Which I must say is quite dangerous for me )
I roll around in my bed
Trying to figure out my purpose
My mind always brings be back to the same question
Does my life really have meaning?
I preach to my friends that everyone's life has meaning
But I feel like I'm a different case
All the religion ******* aside
Does it really?
In this world the bigger, badder, richer, or better looking always prevail..
So what's to become of the small, weak, middle class, and mediocre?
****
I feel myself getting caught up again
Getting caught up in the web of depression and anger that I keep weaving for myself
I'm a spider that gets caught in her own web
I'm desperately trying to escape
But these ******* webs just aren't giving
I liken my feelings to mosquito repellent
My feelings keep everyone at bay
They make me inaccessible
Inaccessible is pretty great for a ******* like me
I derive a certain kind of dark pleasure from being able to say that I have no friends
It's easier to pity myself that way
Then you came along and ****** my world up
Turned it upside down
And just as suddenly as you entered my life you left
It's as if my world is suspended in mid air
I know that I'm about to fall
And it's happening slow enough that I can see it
But there is absolutely no way for me to stop it
And maybe I don't want to stop it ******* it
I want that pain
I need it
To pull me back to ******* reality
Because life isn't a fairytale
Disney has distorted our views of romance
Romance is dead
Love is a myth
Stop living in your Harlequin novels
And get back to the real world
Life has no meaning
And I have no purpose
I was only born to die