Happiness is not something I'm accustomed to
I'm sure that if I ever came face to face with happiness I would fail to identify her
Don't get me wrong happiness is something that I crave
I long for happiness
I desire it
I desire happiness so much it almost is sickening
I lust after happiness
The need to feel her everyday only grows
But yet she is somehow always just out of my reach
So I settle for her lover sadness instead
Occasionally happiness and I will hook up
But I always fall back into the arms of sadness
Every time that sadness takes me my thoughts drift to happiness
How I wish it was her instead of him
Maybe one day I will have the courage to take a hold of happiness and never let her go
But for now I will settle for the unsatisfying embrace that sadness has to offer

My heart is hammering in my chest
Almost
as
If
It's trying to escape my ****** prison
I'm panting forcing the air in and out of my lungs
Faster
And faster
And faster
Until I can't breath anymore
I'm choking on air
I'm suffocating
Clawing at my throat
Desperately gasping for oxygen
I can't stop
Although the muscles in my legs are screaming for me to halt
My legs won't carry me fast enough
Away from that horrid thing in the mirror
Lights
Cars
And shop windows pass by in a blur
My legs finally give out and I collapse on the ground
I look into a puddle
only to meet the gaze of the one
I tried so hard to escape from





I watch the blood flow
But it's not nearly enough
I feel the walls closing in
I need something more
I'm hyperventilating
Gasping for air
If I can just remember to
breathe                                                         ­                     
breathe                          
breathe
Clutching my chest
Heart beats erratic
There has to be something more
More than
Sadness                                    
Pain
Disappointment
The walls are crushing me
And my resolve is crumbling
I don't know how much longer I'll last