I had big dreams

Dreams of love and of conquest
Of war and of danger
Of overcoming obstacles
Of things beyond the stranger

Of fairytales and dragons
And monsters alike
Of exploring and believing
Of not going down without a fight

Of lords and of ladies
Of masters and counts
Of quicksand and traps
Of don’t make a sound

Of resistance and bravery
Of proving your worth
Of not giving up
Of death and rebirth

Yet here I am.
In my safe little house
With my safe little friends
With my safe little spouse

With my safe little summer
My safe little lawn
With my so little purpose
I’d rather be gone

I dreamt of excitement
Of happy, of free,
They told me it would be here
But this is not for me

I know I must keep it
For this is a blessing
A stable surrounding
No hurry, no stressing

But they told me I'd learn
I'd appreciate it surely
So why am i still thinking
About dying prematurely

If time is seconds and minutes
If time is birth, born, then black
If time is one after the last
Then stick a knife in my back

my stomach is set aflame
turned to ash and dust in a pit in my torso
its hot walls of nothing turning grey
until they collapse like burnt incense.
the thought of you
confuses me. i don’t know
if i am aflame with you
or simply fire
and i do not want to find out.
let me stay in the doorway
between here and hell forever
because my heat for you is too quick, too humid,
licking spools of heavy red, white with tension,
needles sting my numb hands as i wring and i wring and i wring,
twisting and turning knots in my neck as i try to answer you,
but i can’t. i’m scorched for the first time and i recoil.
i fear the flames, as they break me down, burn me to a crisp until all that is left is a pale, wrinkled sack of skin that heaves up and down with every pathetic breath it takes. look at me. look at me.

A glass of water
Condensed droplets dripping down
Pooling at the bottom
I pick it up
Slippery between my fingers
The gentle clattering of ice cubes
Grows stronger
As it trembles
Spills
I lick it
Catching the droplet
Sweet, but
Not enough to quench my thirst
More
The ice cubes melt on my tongue
Two hands now
Clutch the glass
Messily
I stir
I sip

We are both looking at the glass
It’s been a while since i’ve had water
It’s been a while since you’ve been drunk

take a bite
from my heart
its fleshy tendrils
shredded, as you
chew on the juicy
meat, muscle crushed
between your teeth.
another bite, bigger
now that you’ve had a taste.
your appetite has grown,
more, another bite, blood
dripping, half heart beating,
another bite, you lick your fingers,
red-stained, i watch you, bitten, struck
with love, a hole in my chest, so empty that
i don’t even feel it, you put the last piece behind
your very back molars, grinding it slowly, savoring
the taste of my rubber *****, your lips smack like a fat man’s.
my heart is gone, your stomach is full.
blind, i won’t give you my heart again but I can see
the famine in your eyes, never satisfied.
i take my fetus heart and place it upon your devil tongue.

It’s too hot
To be this close
I say
Pulling you closer
You stick to me
A flurry of features
Reality melts
Eyes, lips, a hand, two hands
A giggle, a gasp, a moment of silence
The shoes, the shirt, the pants
A kiss, a kiss, a kiss --
A call from downstairs, maybe, faintly,
Again, a giggle, a curse
The pants, the shirt, the shoes
You lick my fingers
I fix your hair
It’s too hot
To have been this close

I show you my heart and you shut me down,
‘That isn’t art’, you say, you frown,
‘I know that is true because i am a god
I can determine what’s art and what’s not.’

Do you want me to apologize and nod in submission?
Should I have used another juxtaposition?
Should I have adhered to a regular verse,
Iambic pentameter, rhetoric, curse?

‘Rhyme like an artist’, you say upon this,
‘Do it then’ i snap, ‘speak to me in sonnets,
I beg you, convey to me all of your losses,
Then try to woo me with caesural pauses.’

I say ‘Teach me what a verb is
and where I should place it,
And feed me a preferred list
of syntax arrangements.’

‘No, no, please, do mention once more,
What is a motif and what is it for?
How do I read and how do I spell?
Oh, please let me know, because you do it so well.’

‘Let me down gently because you know I can’t stand
A slap of reproval from your masculine hands,
One bad word about me and you fear i might shriek,
Or claw out my eyes, this emotional freak.’

‘Here’s a metaphor for you (or at least so i think
Silly me can’t tell the pen from the ink)
In this metaphor i am the man with the boot
And you are the cockroach crushed under my foot.’

I am a tomato
Red with blood
Green with sickness
Pick me out of your teeth with your tongue
Dice me into quarters, spread my juices across
Your lips, crush me, blend me, drink me,
Watch me go rotten in the abandoned basket
Until I am grey and furry, and when you pick me up
Your fingers sink deep into my skin, as if
Nothing at all holds it together.
Throw me in the trash now that I am old and useless
The weight of your banana peels and ripped cartons of milk
Compresses me until I deflate like a balloon,
A whining sigh as I am squashed flat
At the bottom of your trash bag
Never to be tasted again

The sun is out
And so are we,
Cartwheels in the fields,
Breezy skirts and short shorts,
Children laughing and giggling,
Couples chatting, birds clattering,
Trees rustling, cars honking on their way to vacation

My hand slips in your back pocket
Your eyes meet mine
Briefly, a smile

A kid on a bike whizzes by and we walk like friends again
Dogs barking
Doors shutting