there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the ****** and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to ***** up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

i loved you with a heart beating
and in return you gave me back the friendship i needed
although i would still give you every ounce of my soul, every inch of my skin, every tear, every scar and every kiss i would bleed for
nothing will ever change, and sadly we were not given the power to control another person's heart
for we are already selfish beings, and i guess that's more than this world needs
yet you never gave up nor deserted me
and when i poured my heart out
you caught it with your bare hands, still beating and breathing
you held it gently with a smile on your lips and tears in your eyes
you said that you couldn't take it but i insisted
and you told me to say no more
because there are others who are worth and needed it the most
but that if ever those others would break the heart i poured

you'd be there waiting for me with yours

n.j.

he's in the next room,
that man,
and what do I think of him?
more importantly what do I think of myself?
Each night like clockwork
thoughts begin to drizzle
and put a weight on my heart,
fear that I'm making a mistake
that I need to get out
before it's too late,
fear that I'll regret this all in a year
fear that I'm worth nothing more
than his toy,
he does, in every breath,
something to contradict all my fears
yet here I am
3am
and I'm petrified
I'm going to get hurt.

After 26 days
I realize that I was not in the right place
to make any decision for both of us
I also realize that being in love with you
is a choice that I keep on making
every single day