lesson one

your body belongs to the world. men are aloud to stare, to call from cars as red as your cheeks. other women are allowed to judge you, whisper at you behind your back. because in our world, it's way too common for a woman to be forced against each other, instead of together. it would be better if we were a team, not a country in the midst of a civil war. but ******* happens.

lesson two

you cannot be fat. if your legs are trunks and your hair is leaves, then you must be cut down. starve yourself down to a neutral frame, a canvas so to speak. then paint on ******* like mountains. teeth as white as snow. hair as blonde as sand. then you'll be the perfect landscape. the perfect girl.
that's all that matters.

lesson three

shave! take the razor and trim your gardens, for god's sake girl! no one will want you if you look like an overgrown yard that someone abandoned years ago. it's disgusting for one. no one wants to see something natural on a woman. at least, not men.

lesson four

men have standards that they've been shown. be thick-lipped, like kylie. be bootylicious like beyoncè. be thin like gigi.
be perfect.

lesson five

everything i ever learned was a lie.

when I began to write
poetry
all those years ago

I was amazed to find
that I even
had a voice.

It was a gift
that I never
hoped for.

I only shared light.

There is too much
darkness.

And then
little by little
I had to write
about the monsters
in the deep.

And my writing
got to be
unrecognizable.

Those couldn't be
my words.

Don't bury me
in a grave
in a big old box
I've known too much
darkness.

And so here I am
trying to balance
injury
with hope for a new future

That may be called
healing.

life makes you
want to feel
nothing

but death
makes others
feel too much

in new york, we milly rock
dance close enough to smell
each other, far enough

to never touch,
i have my own funny
stories about us,

our party tricks
and burning soul,
we need jesus, don't we?

but oh, what lies we tell
we both know this life will ****
us before anything (or anyone) else

but i'm back in brooklyn,
caught up, dress to impress
pop up, car skid

you loose your mind
we move away from brooklyn,
now we live on the face of the sun

we are not lovers
we just scream at each other not
to switch sides,

without commitment, we are
nothing, we need moderation,
nowadays,

i try to wash you out
of my mind
spoiler alert: i can't

i'm still stuck on those days
back in new york
when we milly rocked

ghosts
slip in and
out of my lungs

wearing nothing
but shame across their
faces

i have waited for so long
because in times
like these

i become nothing more
than a thorn prickling the
tip of a little girl's finger

a nuance, in the beauty
but still something
that needs to be avoided

-

how it begins

you need to look in the eyes
of the person who broke you,
even if that person was yourself

-

rose

when roses grow from the
concrete,
they are cut down
but when they grow back, they are
more beautiful
than ever.

-

he

he looked you in the eye
and you danced
but when you took off your
pointe shoes,
they were full of blood

-

kintsugi

the night
you left
i shattered
every dish
and my own
heart
and then
mended it in gold

-

whatever

whatever hurt you
can no longer
touch you
because i
am here


-