T

I didn't think you'd grow up
to be so beautiful
and so sad
I wonder if you'll
die before me
your hair is so orange
And your eyes green
and your entire body
kissed with freckles
and your veins pierced
with needles
and your body poisoned
With decay
i am sorry
I wasn't there
to
tell you
to
stop

My mothers perfume is sweet
but not like candy or fruit
my mothers perfume is champagne when she exhales
and wet concrete when she sobs in the dark
my mothers perfume is laughter written on
her face with $40 eyeliner
that does not smudge when she cries
my mothers perfume is her hair in my face
when i fall asleep next to her on the couch
my mothers perfume is not a smell
but a feeling in my chest when I hug her

I remember how my world turned blue
everything I saw was blue
like we were under water now
like when we fell asleep we were in the ocean
but sometimes we were red
like when you slapped me for no reason
Like when you said you want to hurt me
Like the ocean turned to blood and
I was going to drown
but then you said you love me
and I could breathe again

god is the way I
feel when you are inside me
I think I love you

I'm lying on the cold concrete again
Tonight
I think there are bees in my
Veins
They must have snuck in threw my
Heart
I'm lying on my side again
Tonight
Because I don't want to choke on
My *****
I'm lying on the cold concrete again
Tonight
The bees are stinging me
and my veins are bursting
Theres blood on this sidewalk
I threw up and drew a smiley face
In it

When I asked if you still loved her
you said no
When I asked you to tell me about her
you did
When I asked you if you still loved her again
you said you didn't think so
I bit my lip and tried not to cry