To tired to sleep
To heartbroken to weep
I could care less if I got gunned down in the street
I've lost all my hope
lord knows its toxic with the ways I cope
how did it become such a downward *****
used to smoke jays and laugh the day away
Now I smoke jays to make the hangover go away
my mental state varies day by day from drinking til I get sick
To smoking myself onto a crucifix
All my grey days now I'm sober thinking about how I'm doing nothing but getting older
the plan was to always be a soldier
the reality is I smoke **** go to work  wonder why I don't just hang myself progressing nowhere
So sick of myself I wanna rip out my hair
So much potential they say I had
Shame it's all been wasted just a **** up like his dad
A grunge song comes on the radio and I feel every cord build hands from my heart beat and strangled me
I let myself stop breathing even though nothings really happening
I listen to the song and drift into the empty space inside my head
Finally I gasp for air while the song begins to fade out
WASTED POTENTIAL

I approach the bridge as the cool California air gives me one last bitter sweet kiss I stare down at the ocean below the way people eye
the stars at night  
"soon" I tell my self as my mind races back to happy times
In that moment I almost walk away but the thought passes when I check my phone and the butterflies begin to build to the point my chest feels like its about to burst open
how did it come to this you with him and once again me all alone
the white hot flame of sadness has been ignited and raindrops erupt from my eyes
  I turn and look away from the water one last time and for a second i just watch all the cars drive by thinking about how many with spend their night arguing with a spouse or playing with their kids
I smile though I may not experience this myself the idea that I might brings a dismal smile to my face as I climb the railing of the bridge I smile big with tears sprinting down my cheeks  and with that I let go like a falcon about to ****** it's prey I fall racing to the blue concrete impact to shatter my bones

Good morning
how are you
what are you doing
6 months ago these text messages would've never sent torpedoes directly at my chest but now they **** me I know you've moved on but my hearts still remains begging for more of your attention so you can bring me more pain like a cracked out ****** with a clean smile your a 2 day vacation with a 6 week recovery

I feel the blood rushing out of my nostrils like bats out of hell
Pieces of the mirror that once hung on the wall litter the floor
You did it you lost it
BOOM
SNAP
CRASH
Here we are
I collapse and lean against the wall
I stare at all the posters that cover my wall
Pages from an artificial personality to fit in
I am a conformed jaded sad soul
convinced no one in the world will turn my half into a whole
My last name will die with me
sorry grandpa guess there was never that much of a man in me
As I sit in a daze I think of all the late nights spent with purple haze
How I could've done something good with my time but I let it all slip away to insecure to handle change
I have a PHD in pushing my loved ones away
The blood has dried and the swelling has set in
O' lord I have my doubts
will this whiskey cleanse me for my sins
A blurred figure enters the room I can't tell who it is
my eyes had swollen to the size of grapefruits
unable to see
no will to move
I simply sit there as my mind exits consciousness

Hear ye hear ye
May your valentines day be anything but dreary
may this collection of words usher roses to ignite in your cheeks that explode into a smile on your face stunning enough to make the birds sing like its spring
Your soul is black like coal because deep down theirs nothing but diamonds matched with a heart of gold
may your day be filled with the blissful melody of your laugh and your smile that melts even the coldest of hearts
throughout your day I know you'll continue to slay any test, quiz, or lab attempting to stump you on this valentines day
Like fine wine you've only grown sweeter with time
Your an amazing woman I couldn't be more genuine

most creativity while the world sleeps
the toll of pointless transactions with  dollar store people unraveling
in the solace of solitude while thoughts of pure bliss take over
like highlights in the grey sky you light up my world while I drift into the comforting night while the rest of the world is sleeping I'm sitting awake daydreaming about your smile bright and piercing as the sun
the penetrating sound of your laughter echoing in my mind soothing my soul awakening my third eye with each new line or draft I write thoughts of such bliss fuel my night
til the sun arises and I collapse to sleep