beneath the tattoos and smile on my face
I'm covered in bruises from the last time we talked
Deep down I'm just a sad soul trying to become the man I know I can be shattered deep down inside desperately trying to peace myself back together before we made the jump and you gave the key that unlocked my heart
However none of that matters now your gone and that vision of us I fear is disappearing into nothing more then distant memories
Though my heart feels heavy there is nothing more to say I guess only time will tell if were truly meant to be or meant to go our separate ways

Imagine yourself before your first taste of heartache
Heart made of butterflies your brain feels as if it's on morphine
You never thought that it wouldn't work

Imagine the the pain you felt
The deepest cut that could ever come from a text messege
heart draining from failed loves knife wounds your brain is on overload

Imagine yourself today
Neglecting what could be your happily ever after
Your past experiences have made you into the executioner
Another Hopeless Romantic Turned hallow

She begged me to stay as I headed toward the door
But the longer I lingered the more painful it would be to leave
She was the type of girl to be sweet and give you kisses before you left for work she'd pack you a lunch so you didn't have to stress it

However as I closed the door behind me I reflected not on her flaws but my own as the meaning for my sudden departure
she would give up her life just to keep me happy
I would drain her life force and wither her away with my lack of drive to do anything but smoke **** and laugh at simple things
So you see she was a beautiful butterfly waiting to bloom in her chrysalis
I just couldn't do it be the reason she never got to bloom only able to provide cold winters when in summer she shines like the sun and kisses bring you tastes of heaven

AS I headed to my car I turned back to see her standing there tears streaming down her face her heart shattered
I was the bull in the china shop the cause of her current sadness
Better for her to cry now then to stare at me with disappointment in her eyes knowing  she picked a child of a man unable to give her what she truly deserves

Shes on track to be a college grad and I'm just living working a dead end job to pay rent no drive or motivation I feel like the **** of the earth a man full of potential but no drive to match self destructive behavior is always on the craving  addicted to soul searching but to myself I feel empty

I'm getting in my car to drive myself home alcohol and alone time are on my dinner plate
I get to my car only to feel the vice grip of a crying lover squeezing me begging me not to go and throw this away
She bury her head in my back and I can feel the tears soaking my t shirt covering me like hooks to make me rethink my decision
My keys are in my hand but I can't leave
Love is only a feeling and its got me feeling high and though every part of my brain is telling me to go just unlocking the door has become an obstacle So instead I turn and face her a squeeze her back the turtle shell around my emotions has finally cracked

Don't pray for my soul when I die
Only that there be few tears from my mothers eyes
A ****** of crows can I look like doves in the night
so why fear death having no knowledge  of the other side

Life is forever fleeting we spend it burning ourselves out to get further ahead only to get on top to wind up dead
That what doesn't  **** you  is impossible to love

I'm stuck here on earth and your no longer here
you had the biggest of hopes brightest of dreams but that still didn't save you 12-20-16
I've been down since you left
We were friends in school for a brief time
You stuck up for me so I'm in your debt for a life time
I cried hard when I heard the news
My friend died and I couldn't even come to the funeral
I'm shedding tears as I write this
few answers given to me about the purpose of life I'm just left feeling confused
I hope you found peace on the other side
hopefully I'll see you when it's my time

I wonder if god sheds tears for all the cigarette butts in the ash trays at every bar seeing what he has crafted killing themselves to be able to relax I wonder if god sheds tears for all the bombs dropped and suicide notes does he spend his days in misery knowing he created us and our self destructive nature is that why he's abandoned us to hide away in his lonely heavens with his angels waiting on him as he withers away in self loathing does every sin of man cut like a razor against his wrist killing him slowly or does he laugh a sadistic laugh waiting for our time to run out and we all burn in hell

I had a dream once Like a parasite hope drilled into me infecting everything I did my dreams held my head high the self doubt in myself my worst enemy sadness  beheaded me before I had a foundation for the life I envisioned for myself broken and hopeless drinking and smoking my favorite coping methods for the void inside when I awake I pray for a heart attack to take me from the suffering burrowed inside of me knowing my passion and dreams have long since died solace in knowing we all die and nothing truly matters anyway we paint our lives to the point were destroyed when it all falls apart there are millions of stars lighting up the sky but only 88 constellations the dream is dead and hope is a lie