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Nov 2018 · 1.4k
#inProgress
Pain-A-Full Nov 2018
Sa bawat tugtog
Puso ko’y dumu-dog-dog-dog
Sa bawat kanta
Naalala kita

Sa kalabit ng gitara
Musika’y ating sinasamba
Tunog ay simbolo
Ng ating pag-iibigang punong puno

Kuwerdas na iba’t iba
Relasyon nati’y taas-baba na
Kailan kaya tayo muli maging matatag
Tulad ng kantang tumutugma
still not done with this
Nov 2018 · 912
Para Saan Pa
Pain-A-Full Nov 2018
Ang tema sa tulang ito ay nagsisimula sa ikaw at ako

Para saan pa ang memorya nating dalawa kung kakalimutan din naman kita

Para saan pa ang libong lakad kung hindi naman ikaw ang kasama

Para saan  pa ang kantang ginawa kung ang tugtog kong ikaw ay wala

Para saan pa ang letrang isinulat kung pangalan mo'y di maibigkas

Sa tatlong daang animnapu't limang araw  na nakilala ka, asan ka na?

Para tayong pares ng tsinelas, isang sukat, isang kulay

Pero para saan pa kung kapares ko'y di ko na makita

Magagamit pa ba?

Para saan pa ang isinulat kung ang  tema nito ay wala na?

Sa bawat letra sa tula ay ilang beses akong nagmakaawa

Sana bumalik ka

Pero ang tanging sagot ay

Para saan pa?

(Ngayon ang tema sa tulang ito ay di  tungkol  satin o sayo kundi sa nag iisang ako.)
Aug 2016 · 1.4k
#notitleyet
Pain-A-Full Aug 2016
Ilang sulatin ba
Ang kailangang gawin
Upang bumalik ka sa akin?
Andito sa malayo
Nanghihingi ng payo
Kung ako ba'y mas lalong lalayo
Dahil sa sakit ako'y punong puno
Pero heto ako ngayon
Malapit na akong umuwi
Upang masilayan ulit ang iyong ngiti
Ang ngiting masaya
Dahil sa kanya
Okay na ko na okay ka
Kahit kapiling mo'y iba.
Luha man ay nasa gilid na
Nang masakit kong mata
Masaya akong masaya ka.
#impromptu
Aug 2016 · 451
Move On daw bes
Pain-A-Full Aug 2016
You can only achieve true happiness if you'll let go of something that pulls you to be sad. Memories for example. You may not forget those times but you can replace those anytime. Memories... memories... may haunt but can't affect you. You! The person you chose to be. The weather changes so as people. It's normal and it can affect us in unexpected situations.
We cried for we've been hurt. Still, we're alive. Others may leave different scars on our hearts,may fill our ears with unwanted words&let; our tears flow with emotions. Even in different perspectives, we only mean one thing. To MOVE ON. To stand up from where we fell. To forgive and forget. To appreciate people especially those who from the beginning and up to the end was always there. To smile like nothing happened.To let go of something that holds us back from where we shouldn't be. We all have the right to be happy. We all have the choice to let go. Moving on starts on ourselves, not on others.Opening our eyes and looking at a world in which we need to explore more. And not to lock it with our past.
CRY FOR THE MEANTIME AND BE HAPPY FOR A LIFETIME. :)))
3 years ago me lol
Jul 2016 · 345
Maybe
Pain-A-Full Jul 2016
Maybe the pain was too much, because we loved too much.
Maybe we always remember because the memories that were left was enough
Maybe it was us, or it was them
That mess things up
Maybe we should fix our lives
And stop fixing theirs
Maybe it was love for us
And a need for them

Maybe it’s time to move on
Even if destiny holds back
Maybe it’s time to run faster
Faster than the events that always leads you to them
  
Maybe it’s fine
And maybe it’s not
Maybe you stopped crying
But never the pain
Pain..
What is that
Happiness?
Does it still exist?

To the one that made my heart beat
To the one I cared for more than anyone else
To the one who made me feel special
To the friend I will always get attached with
To the friend I’ve lost
To the one who hates me now
To the one who will never be a part of my life again

To my first love that was never mine and never had
Thank you for the memories
I enjoyed and was thankful till it lasted

Maybe we will never forget them..
Because they’re our first
May 2016 · 850
Au Revoir
Pain-A-Full May 2016
“We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.”


Do you know why things don’t usually fall into the right places? It is because the moment we’ve realized we have to fix everything, we’ve already lost them. We always have the chance to regret at sunsets, all in the end.

Someone once said, “Not all people who wander are lost, they just find their way to their happy place.” What if you’re also someone’s happy place? If you already found yours, how could they find theirs?

We all have the right to love and wishing to be loved back by someone we love. Here’s to reality: there’s no assurance that you can get back the love you just gave. In different kinds of relationships, there’s always called one-sided love. We love people that could be our forever but it was just a “could be”. Life never tells us if that person will stay or leave. Hint? We should just live by the moment yet, one of those saddest moments could be reading a heartbreaking message and realize, you’re too late; There’s nothing that could fix this. Worse is, she is already mended by someone else.

We all have that one person: omit maybe our first love or whatever you call that, but what’s important is the person changed us in a way we never expected. A person we love in spite of all those flaws; the person we’re always proud of even if she’s not the perfect one in her class; a person that gives assurance that we’re happy when we are with her; the person you think first in the morning and last before going to bed and yet, is also the person that gave us pain and the reason we can’t move on. She used to be your forever that ended for months or your 11:11 wish that never came true. Forever as for my opinion only exists because you’re in state of being in love or happy but believe me, you’ll say it’s nothing when you are heartbroken.

Love is the drug; pain is the withdrawal as what I’ve heard. You should have fought for that one special person even if it’s the same person who told you to give up. Everything has the possibility to fade, even true love. We can prevent it by taking care of it, not by giving up. At first, let’s fight for the thing that makes us happy but if the things that makes us happy isn’t making us happy at all, we all have the choice to carry on or give up. We must know when to fight and when to let go.    

Pain could change a person even if not by one’s own choice, we just feel it especially in the way we treat others. There are different kinds of pain like the pain you felt when you tried to explain yet, she never believed in you; the pain you endured when she left; and the pain you endured seeing your treasure dug by another pirate.

Hatred because of pain is possible. We can always avoid that but there are circumstances- that all the good in you was ******-out by the people who hurt you. What’s worse is if you’re in the stage of severe depression, they should’ve help you cope with it but instead led you to a suicidal state. (It may be exaggerated but it is possible on how special those people are.) Never let hatred control you for it could hurt someone not only emotionally but also physically.

Feel the pain until it hurts no more. Even if you’re willing to get hurt over and over again to fix things, you’ll still get tired of being hurt knowing that you, who have done everything, don’t deserve this kind of pain, this kind of treatment. If you think you’ve done enough, let others be the judge. You actually didn’t lose them, they lost you. If you’ll lose yourself in the process, there would always be someone or some people like your true friends that will always put you back in the right path, all you have to do is find a little time, give yourself a break and continue life.

If you happen to lose a friend, just remember that not every friendship could last a lifetime but the pain of losing that person can. All you have to do is to deal with it. She will always be a lesson that we will carry throughout our journey. (More pain to come!)

We all have different choices in our life, as you chose to run and she chose to hide away until she never came back. We always have that good bye we never really meant to say. A good bye that could have been “Please go back, I’m waiting”, a “Let me have another chance” or a good bye that isn’t good at all.
a column for our school publication. I was drunk when I wrote it. excuse the grammar
May 2016 · 945
Midnight Lullabies
Pain-A-Full May 2016
Loved someone so big
But your love for her doesn’t fit
I breathe so deep
Making rhythms, I always repeat
I cry myself to sleep
Making lyrics, she cannot interpret
I sob silently
So no one could hear
Thy melodies in my heart I keep
Now a song made from its every beat
The hum made from loneliness
Represents even man’s sadness
Odd isn’t it?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
i was bored waiting so i started having feels and write it. here's to the people who cry every night wishing to fall asleep
Apr 2016 · 374
**She is, I was**
Pain-A-Full Apr 2016
She is your happiness, I was your sadness
She is the candle found in your darkness, I was your darkness
We both are two different things
Total opposites

She is the moon that gives you light and comfort
I was the raging sun that burns your skin with discomfort
What have I done?
Everything that was wrong
For her eyes and yours
I am always wrong

She is your rose, I was the thorn
She is the one that makes you smile
I was the one that made you frown
She’s right, I was wrong
Let me do something for you just to hold on

But no
There’s no turning back
She is the “things we do”
I am the “things we used to”
She is the one you love
I was the unloved

She now is your happy place
Funny it is
For I was the bridge
4/12/2016

for tp
Apr 2016 · 6.8k
Cold Stone
Pain-A-Full Apr 2016
Two words
Stuck in one person
You can call her a mason
Feelings as strong
As brick and stone

This is a poem
For the one with
A heart like stone

Numb as she is
But not dumb
For this time she knows
How life flows

She maybe cold at first
But there will always be
Someone with a torch
Who’ll light her up
And make her smile
Get that happiness
She hides inside
Made for Prevy
Pain-A-Full Jan 2016
I know.. things do happen for  a reason and until now.. im still figuring out what these or those reasons could be. People come and go, yes but if I had the chance, I should’ve told you earlier to not enter my life if you will only leave me in the end. I’m not a computer rental shop to be used with a specific time limit.
I have feelings, I get hurt..all the time and whoever you are, the day you entered my life.. I was never that whole just so you know. I used to love you. Erase that. I still love you. . With every vein present in my heart. I was never that  perfect. You guys know that. But im trying my best just to be perfect for you. I’m trying hard just to make you happy.  I know that I’m mean but I’ll buy you ice cream in the middle of the night just because you’re sad. I’m not that showy. I’m serious but the day you entered my life, there are things I do that my parent’s never imagined that I could.
You’re special. It’s obvious. I talk about you more often and I’m very proud to tell other people about you. I told myself that I was lucky that I met you and I will take care of you no matter what. You’re always that treasure I’m willing to keep.
But we all have flaws and they are times that our personalities just don’t mix.  I know.. I know.. The problem is me, always me.  I may be mean at times but when I started care , I could no longer know how to stop. Even if I may have hurt you a hundred times, I could still love you a thousand more. I may have pushed you away but I couldn’t afford to lose you.
  Are you tired? Or I’m that hard to love? I’m sorry. I just needed time for myself that’s why I always push people away. Sorry for hurting you. I didn’t mean to.  I just want you to know that every time we get  into a fight, I always sleep with tears in my pillow during the night. I love you but pushing you away is my chance of telling you “I need time. I’ll be back” But you never understood.. If you felt pain the moment I pushed you away, thank you but I felt twice of that and assuring myself that you would understand. That moment I thought of that was the moment I’ve proven it wrong. I was hoping for you to go back but you never did.
Maybe I was that hard to love for the people I used to love,  gave up on me. I told you that I’m willing to get hurt over and over again just so you won’t suppressed your feelings. I’m ready and willing to sacrifice even the smallest things that I like. I’ve always wanted the best for you but you took it the other way around.
Maybe I was that hard to understand.  Because if you did understand me, you wouldn’t have left. Did you know that I’m still blaming myself to things that have gone wrong?  I know what you felt, I know your point. Pushing and stuff but what I don’t get is.. It’s not that easy to give up on someone you really care about. But you did.
You know one of the saddest things in life is to read a heart-breaking message and you’ve realized that you’re too late to fix it. You just crawl up to your bed and pretend that you’re asleep while having those silent sobs.
Could I be numb for the rest of my life? I don’t want to feel anymore.  I don’t want to feel pain, I don’t want regrets, don’t want any disappointments.  It hurts to remember that the” things we do” turned out to “things we used to”.
I used to be one of the happiest persons in the world but the world itself gave up on me and I find it hard to recognize the things I used to love.  Maybe they are destined to be memories, can be reminisce but could never happen again.  
You always think that giving up on me is always the best solution but you never  imagined that the consequence could affect me like.. ripping my entire shattered soul one piece at a time, a soul that was made by sleepless nights and broken hearts.
Maybe I’m tired of explaining.. feeling.. but when would I ever stop caring? I’ll get over this soon but I pity you. You gave up on me who could never have given up on you. I wish you the best even if it hurts me, letting you go. You chose to give up and I chose to respect that.
I was never the one who could waste your time with. I’m so messed up and could no longer love you without hurting you. I was never enough, was never perfect. I’m the one you could easily give up with. I can’t blame you. I ****.

At the end of every crying day, I’m still holding on to the belief that everything happens for a reason. Even I wish things didn’t happen the same way they are now.

XL
(still editing or should I say still recovering)
Oct 2015 · 443
If Only
Pain-A-Full Oct 2015
If only feelings could be shut down
So no love can be found
If only memories could be deleted
To not have hatred
If only band aids could
Heal the pain
If only paperclips could hold your heart
From breaking apart
If only words are for smiling
I shouldn’t be hurting
If only good things happen
I shouldn’t be crying with my pen
Oct 2015 · 1.3k
END
Pain-A-Full Oct 2015
END
Maybe we should stop
So there'll be no problems to pop
Either in or out the situation
Maybe you just have to give up
To prevent things from falling apart
Even your own heart
Maybe it's the best way
It's the debt happiness should pay
Jun 2015 · 797
Limited Time
Pain-A-Full Jun 2015
Here's a poem
For the one I love
That her time
Is the thing I can't have

I wish to be close with her
Spend her precious time together
But there are limitations
So as suspicions

Time spent w/ her is limited
It is because she has her best friend
Bestfriend always seems to be jealous
And I don't want her to be furious

I don't want to break a friendship
And I'm also tired of this jealous ****
So I'm going to walk away
Volunteer myself
Step aside
And let my happiness pay
Nov 2014 · 467
Can We?
Pain-A-Full Nov 2014
So close
Yet too far
This feeling I can not hide
It's tearing me apart

I'm longing
I'm missing
You my dearest comrade
Could I bring you back?
For now, I think I can not

What happened long ago
Can we forget it? Forgive?
Can you still be sweet?
Can you smile at me?
Can you hug me?
Can you laugh with me?

Coz everyday I see you
Everyday I miss you
Everyday it hurts
Can you be like before?
Can WE be like before?
Same with my poem entitled awkward
Nov 2014 · 356
AWKWARD
Pain-A-Full Nov 2014
Is what an ordinary person feels
When his/her crush is around
Is what you feel when
You did some mistake
But this is what I feel when I told you
You’re my crush

I thought you’re already comfortable with me
I thought we’re friends
I thought it’s okay
I thought it’s not a big deal
Me having a crush on you
What happened?

You’re not talking to me anymore
You’re only talking to me
If I’ll ask or talk to you

Having a crush on you wasn’t a big deal
Why did you sacrifice our friendship?
I was impulsive to tell you
I was brave enough
Because you’re my friend
I thought it’s okay..
I thought.. I thought..
That was all I thought
And now..
Seeing you and being with you
Is totally awkward
Dedicated to BS
Sep 2014 · 359
PALabay
Pain-A-Full Sep 2014
It was the perfect chance
To talk to someone
But I let it slipped

My heart skipped a beat
Feeling guilty, feeling shy
I urged my tongue to say “Hi”
But my tongue hid
And let you passed by

My eyes followed you
As a friend not a foe
You passed by with no “Hi”
Leaving with no “Good bye”
Pain-A-Full Sep 2014
My favorite sunset shows off
Its colors of yellow and orange
Combined or not It made a sign
For you gave me courage
And changed me to be fine

Next above is too high
You remember my favorite sky?
It has the clouds of black or blue
While some have the shade of indigo
But it supports rain
A sign from the sky
That for a period of time
You made me cry

  Last is the sea
To remember what i told you
I won’t leave you nor flee
But I felt worthless like the sand
You torn me to pieces
Like grains flowing from your hand

My three favorites may say
That you’re a precious friend I can’t pay
Too bad
We went to the part of the sea
Where knowing you
Makes myself pity
//for a friend
Apr 2014 · 529
Good Bye
Pain-A-Full Apr 2014
What’s good in good bye?
If you’ll leave someone behind?
Will you tell them the truth?
Or bring it all to your tomb?

You’re always nice
For them you are their guide
Do they know something about you?
That you already have your due?

For others you are kind
Some misinterpret it
And talk about you behind

Why are you so kind?
Do you want to leave them crying?
While attending?
To your Burial
‘till death you kept it a secret
Because you don’t want to say the word
You don’t want them to pity you
You don’t want to leave
You don’t want to say Good Bye
Apr 2014 · 1.3k
Time Machine
Pain-A-Full Apr 2014
If I have a Time Machine
I would like to go back
To the memories you’ve left behind
Together with our sweetest smiles
I shouldn’t have said that
Those words that made you mad
If only I knew
That my instincts weren’t true
I don’t have to hurt you

If I have a Time Machine
I would like to go back
To correct things that gone wrong
Can I replay?
For those sins
I would like to pay

If only I could have a Time Machine
I will bring the old us back.
I will bring you back
Feb 2014 · 5.1k
Archery of Love
Pain-A-Full Feb 2014
Here is a poem
To a boy or a girl
A specific archer
Or maybe a plain Sport player

What is love?
Is it everyone must have?
In different thoughts
And different genre,
How can I explain?
How do I begin?

In the Archery of Love
There’s a bow and an arrow we must have
And here’s the target face
A mind and soul based

In this game you choose
To be the Archer
Or the target face

When your lover is the Archer
He / She can hit you
Bull’s eye!
The feeling of love
Can already make you fly.

But remember
Archery is a game
At the end
He / She will get the arrow
That hit you awhile ago

You can feel the pain
It’s end of the game
Archery of Love is just a game
So stop crying
Feb 2014 · 1.9k
No Strings Attached
Pain-A-Full Feb 2014
From  High School I look at you as an ordinary student.
Never felt that you are confident.
By text messages and simple greetings,
Something grew called feelings.

I knew you more by each passing day.
The moments we’ve shared,
Even Bill Gates can’t pay.

We laugh,
We fight,
I sometimes cry
After  that something takes place called shy.
Giving each other nicknames
Feeling special even it’s a shame.

I don’t have to rush
But I’ve told you that you’re my crush
It’s okay for  you ‘cause we’re friends
Tragic for me knowing where it ends.

Now that I’m far away from your sight
You’re always on my mind at night
I know that we’re not meant to be
I’ll always miss you,
You’ll  never  miss me.
You have the right to that ‘cause you’re free
Having no strings attached between you and me.
Feb 2014 · 1.5k
Perfectly Imperfect
Pain-A-Full Feb 2014
You may not be a genius
Or a person so famous
But you’re the reason why
I can imagine myself fly

Your smile as my wings
Your voice as my telephone that rings
People judge you
For me you are true
To what I see is what you are
Even  I can hear rumors from a far

I don’t care if for a game
You are defeated
Your time and effort  for me
Is much appreciated

Somethings for you may be difficult
Dude, you’re made that way
It’s not your fault

You don’t have to try things you hate
You can do it because you have faith
Don’t bother if others don’t like you
You’re not that perfect
But due to effort appreciated
For me, you are perfectly imperfect.
Feb 2014 · 1.1k
The Silent Warrior
Pain-A-Full Feb 2014
He stays focused on his mind
Imagining a place you’ll never  find
He got his pen
And wrote his note
A poem for a person he once fought

This poet wrote for a special one
And she just made him out of fun
She’d just taken for granted
His love and effort
Then with his  own will
She ran

He told others after that
What he’d been through
He was shocked
With words of wisdom came from his mouth
He  now tell tales of hatred
As long as north reached the south

He didn’t try to hurt her
Or  cursed the people who likes her
All he did was beg for her to go back
Too bad her pride was high as a garbage truck

He failed
He was pitied
All he had was a pen
A note
Or a typing machine
To express his feelings
No care
No effort
No one will be hurt
He thought

So He write
He cry
While tears on the paper dry
He’s fighting the memories
On his face
You can’t see any bliss.
sorry. still amateur

— The End —