I skipped the slow part
I fell in love with you all at once

Love was never
the way my parents held hands

Love was never
The look in their eyes at a moment of togetherness

Love was never
meant when the word was uttered at the end of a phone call

But Love was always there
In many ways that I will never understand
She loved him so much
that she would put him before her
even though he never did the same
She loved him so much that she could hardly
utter a word of negativity of him
without backtracking to positivity
Loving him meant
that she got torn down day after day
but didn't hesitate to build him back up
She loved him in a way that tore her apart
She loved so deeply that she would never come back

The social media craze
of being just a little bit in on the latest gossip
of everyone you have ever known in life
always has me comparing
my work to theirs
trying to compare success
as though it could be measured on a scale
how much weight does
my degree carry
What about their degree
Am I better because I went to school longer
Or am I worse off, drowning in loans
Does pay matter
Are they doing what they love
More importantly, Am I doing what I love?

I always thought my mother was rigid
harsh
rude
and unforgiving
when it came to outsiders
she didn't put up with people if she didn't feel like it
she never let people ******* her
she was confrontational
and I didn't understand
I just thought she was stubborn
but maybe
she had just been run over
enough times
that she wasn't willing
to let someone throw her under the bus
maybe she could see it coming
when someone wasn't being real with her
maybe she had the right
to stand up for herself

I really want space and to spend some time just on my own
but I want to be with someone just as much if not more
but I only really want to be with him
and I don't know if he wants to be with me
but I still feel like I should be single for a bit
but if we did this right I wouldn't need to try to escape
but what if we don't get it right
and what if we do

I wish I could gather my thoughts
tell you how I feel
but the words don't come out
not the way i want them to
they are jumbled
and scattered
never in the right order
they don't portray
the message
I'm trying to say
But I wish, I wish so much
that you could know
what is in my head

breathe in
breathe out


                                                           ­                      THEN JUMP