It doesn't feel right, letting you go. You letting me go. The thought of someone else touching your soul makes my chest tight.  I fear you will never let anyone back in. Please, let someone in. You need someone to anchor you.

I am terrified that I may always love you. That one day I will be happy with someone else and the thought of you will still make me sad.

I never thought you would be in my life again after everything that happened when we were young and stupid but here we are and I am so grateful.
Thank you, for picking me back up when I was so hell bent on being unhappy.
Thank you, for understanding.
Thank you, for telling me I have pretty eyes and making me feel beautiful.
Thank you, for being open with me.
Thank you, for texting me at 12am after not talking all day.
Thank you, for making me believe that I am worth someone's time.
Thank you, for making me believe I am enough.

He is one of my sweetest memories and one of my biggest lessons. And no matter what happened between us, he was my hero at one point in my life.

But he was also my downfall.

One of the most jarring things you will ever have to say is, "Yeah, I loved him once."

We sit inches away from each other sneaking quiet glances, cracking jokes, exchanging smiles. Our legs slightly touching, nervous excited energy filling the air. This is the feeling I have long forgotten. This is the feeling I hope to hold onto.

I used to say,
"Sorry, I'm not enough."
Now I say,
"Sorry, I'm too much."

Some days I hate myself.
Some days, I think I don't deserve to be happy.
Some days, I feel like people don't care and shouldn't.
Some days, I lay in bed and think of everything that is wrong and make it worse.
Some days, I get angry at people for not realizing.
Some days, my feelings get hurt more than I am willing to admit.

Not all days, though. Only some.