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 Apr 2020 Shady Teddy
I looked at her as she spoke
With so much confidence
Laughing and making sarcastic jokes
Unaffected by my presence
Not caring that I was new to her
Not caring that she didn't know my name
****, why was I even caring?
Wasn't I just a stranger among her friends?

I'd seen her as she walked by
On a morning I didn't wanna be up
On a day I didn't have motivation
I barely gave her a glance as she said hi
Then I'd had an urge to look again
But she was gone
I couldn't understand my feeling then
I had never wanted more than a hi before

But I'd wanted more from her
I'd wanted to hear her speak again
I'd wanted to look at her messy hair
Which she'd hidden with her beanie hat
I wanted to really see her
More than behind the camera lens

When I conversed with her
She gave me something I needed
Something I didn't know I needed
She gave me the reason for dragging myself
From my bed and from my misery
To come meet her that day
Without knowing I would leave happy
She gave me a dose of short and sweet
A weekend I wished could last longer

I liked her before I knew her name
I loved her when she challenged me
Harder when she pushed me to love
I knew I was in too deep as she said
"Isn't it the best feeling ever? "
I fell in love as I said goodbye
I gave her my heart silently as she left
Not knowing whether I'd see her again
His silent love encounter
 Apr 2020 Shady Teddy
Don't you love the feeling
The one that music brings?
The nostalgia of the moments
That the song brings out?
The memory of the feelings
That the rhythm lets you relive?
The recollection of the experiences
That the beats makes you go through?

The pleasure that seeps through you
When you remember the first time you heard it?
When you relive the moments
As you listen to the song?
The vividness of the experience
That the song reminds you of?
When you replay them again
Like a movie in your head?
The feelings that some songs bring me..
 Mar 2020 Shady Teddy
As I lie in bed I stare
At the picture on the wall
It's not a picture of you
But it's a You picture

Every time I look at it
I see you
I see your efforts
To make it look like that
I see your thoughts of me
To make it for me
I see your attention to detail
To make it perfect for me
I see the sacrifices
You made to make me happy
I see the love
Pictured all over

I see me in the picture
The way you made it to resonate
With my feelings and emotions
The way you made it to exhibit
What was going in my mind
The way you made it to reveal
My fears and hesitations
The way you made it to unearth
Ideas I didn't know I had
The way you made it to convey
My dreams and fantasies
The way you made me be in view
Of myself
From a perspective I didn't know existed

It's not a picture of me
But it's My picture
 Mar 2020 Shady Teddy
I told you to stay away
I told you to block me
I told you not to pick my calls
I told you not to call
I told you not to text
Because I knew you wouldn't if I didn't
At least not for a long while

Our friendship then was toxic
It always becomes
When one friend crushes on the other
And the other doesn't feel a thing
Am glad you didn't feel
Am glad you didn't reciprocate
Am glad I had to get over it
Because I couldn't have gotten this tough
And be able to love this truly

It was difficult
But I'm glad it happened
It was a dark tunnel
One that I had to go through
To get an amazing new light
An incredible fresh start
To love right
To be loved as I should be
To be appreciated for loving
Exactly how it should be
 May 2019 Shady Teddy
How amazing
The trust you have for me
Even after I dissapoint

How incredible
The love you have for me
Especially in my angriest moments

How lovely
The way you hold on to me
When my attention is miles away from you

The way you get under my skin
The way your actions graze my nerves
With every little thing you do

The way you touch my heart
The way I beam with pride
With every small progress you make

The way I struggle
The way I gather patience
With each button you push

How fulfilling it is
To achieve that progress
In the smallest measure
In the largest proportion

It's not just love
But unconditional love
It's not just commitment
But undying commitment
If I could turn back time
I would hit Backspace all day,
Id put on Caps Lock
and SHOUT what I say.

I'd use the whole Alphabet
To tell you hello,
Press seven Numbers
Til you picked up the phone.

I'd Tab through the comments
I didn't want to hear,
And use the Arrow Keys
To drag your body near.

I would Delete the harsh words
I didn't mean to speak,
And Insert the "I love yous"
I before couldn't leak.

I would use Ctrl to
Keep reigns over my heart,
And I would Escape lies
That tore us apart.

I'd Print out your photo
And kiss it goodnight,
Use the Calculator
To check that we were right.

I'd Paint you a picture
of us, you and me,
Then I'd hit Enter
Just so you would see.

Those are the things
I would do in my strife,
If only Backspace
worked in real life.
This is the first poem (that I have a copy of) i wrote that I actually thought was good. I was in seventh grade, twelve years old, and I wrote it for a newspaper competition. I knew it was really great but I didn't think I would beat all other applicants in the state in my age group. So you can imagine my surprise I'm sure when I DID win! That is the first time I was proud of my writing. So this one has a lot of special sentimental value. Thanks for reading.
 Jan 2019 Shady Teddy
Thank you
 Jan 2019 Shady Teddy
So I sing to myself cause no one wants to hear.  I tone down the  emotions cause people are near.  I keep it to myself cause you re all afraid.  No one wants to admit that we are all the same.  

Been through some troubles not afraid to say.  Been a long tough highway. Now I’m going to stay. The worst is over.  The road is clear.  Get out of my way I won’t go a stray.

Some have stayed by my side. Not giving up.  Holding my hand.  Making sure I’m stable. Thank you.  But most got off at the first exit.  I know who you are.  You do to.  Stay out of my way.   You made your choice.  You had your chance so just *******.

We will keep the rewards of my journey.  Been a long hard road.  But now it’s time to say.  Thank you to those who have been great.  Thank you to those who have not.
 Jan 2019 Shady Teddy
After months of waiting
My ring has arrived
I admire the craftsmanship
And soak in its gold

But I find out a flaw
As I slide it right on
And see that it doesn't
go all the way down

I have been anticipating
when this **** ring would come
And being stupid enough
To think it would fit like a glove

A beautiful ring
A beautiful gem
A beautiful band
That's just too small

With months after waiting
My ring has arrived
Only to find
That it just doesn't fit
Take this poem however you want.
 Jan 2019 Shady Teddy
I'm putting in lots of hours
I know I need help
You know I need help
You want to offer help
But I don't know if I should let you
The way you do things
It's careless
It's reckless
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to do much more
Than I would have if I don't let you
 Jan 2019 Shady Teddy
It all started with passion
And then your decisions
Ones that were very selfish
But look where that brought me

I've learnt so many things
It has taught me to love
Not just love, but unconditional love
It has taught me selflessness
I've learnt to give precedence
Someone else's needs over mine
It has shown me beauty
That within and that which I created
I have learned resilience
After crying so many times
I've learned it's okay to cry
I've learned to face my feelings
To check my actions before I take them
To be rational
Even when my feelings attempt to cloud judgement
To persist
Even when the going gets tougher

The best thing about it all
Is I learned it the hard way
And that's what makes it all beautiful
That wouldn't have happened
If you had stayed
And kept lying to me
To the man who made me a single mom
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